Walter Miller Homepage

Where the truth not only hurts it smells too.

August '96 Update

Page 6 of 7

He chases some poor person out of the potty, springs out of the chair and hops on. Of course I wasnt there to help him but granfather knows the routine. But I wasnt there to keep his skinney ass from fallin in which IS EXACTLY WHAT HE DID.


If it wasnt for the cardboard coller my granfather woud be dead right now- drowned in the ickerous effluvia of solid an liquid waste of his fellow citezenry. Surely the man is able to breathe liqoud in his lungs as he is part reptile but I would figure the antiseptoc blue water they put in there would be fatal.

He let out some loud bloodcourdling screams mostly from pain because he scrapped skin of his back and legs on the way down. Much to the misfortune of his family he is damn lucky to be alive because there were firemen working the food stand and they ran in to rescue him.

Looking into the gaping toilat hole they saw an indentation in the murkey prime evil soup which was made by a cardboard cone. In the bottom of the cone, which was quickley filling, about one foot below the surface but still snarling an gaspin for air was the head of my horrible ancestor shaking with rage. His hair was still neatley slicked and parted.

Get me the hell out of here!

Granfather rocked viollently till the Port o- Sann tipped to one side an other people got splashed. Then they called the cops and while a few people were debating whether to hose him down someone doused him with a cauldron of teppid hotdog water. Then they wrapped him in a blanket because he had no pants.

There were allot of expenses incurred because they towed his car and also granfather got arrested but first went to the hospitol- not the clinic but a hospital 35 miles away because they were affraid of being sued. They also put all the crap he bought in the car.

He got 2 summons for distourbing the peace and starting fights and resisting arrest. He can be very abusive and bites kicks and hits people even if there trying to help him. There was a woman cop he had some loud words with. He said that they shoudnt allow woman to be cops especialy if they had a face that looked like Sippowitz's nude ass from N.Y.D.P Blue. Granfather knows how to find and hit raw nerves.

He escapes again!

As soon as hes cleaned up and sedated the hes left in the hospitol bed- and disapearsAGAIN! For a day and a half there were calls back an forth to dad and my brother from the hospitol and the cops. It was a frantic time and no one got any sleep. Heres the weird part: There was NO sightings of him for the 28 hours he was missing. Granfather doesnt remember where he was. If he wasnt adbucted by aleins (with this old basterd its possible) he was probly in the basement of the hospitol asleep in a dirty laundrey hamper.

Anyway thats where they found him and then they put his ass all alone in a six-man jail cell as not to prompt siucides from other detained cellmates. He was hosed down once more and they had got him some new clothes from the Salovation Army.

Finaly I get the call

I get called by the police in that town and I called my dad once more to say FINNALY HES IN CUSTODY and also under guard. He tells me that him and my brother are coming in from California and to STAY RIGHT THERE WALTER because they are coming in to take care of evorything because Im so iresponsible. They came in that night in different flights.

They had to rent a car in Dallas and go alltheway to where granfather was--i was never there but it was far. Then they had to pick up his car and replace the seats. (They were ruined. When hes a passengor I make him sit on Heftey bags).

Then they had to load all the colectible crap he bought into the trunk of the rental car. One of the things he bought was a small bottle of Avon Skin Sosoft that they always sell at these shows. While he was in the rental car, granfather drank it thinking it was some sort of drink. A few minutes later he pukked it up all over the seats. This too my dad and brothher somehow blamed on me as well.

CONTINUED: A disfunctional family reuinion of male-bonding