Walter Miller's Homepage

Testifying without immunity since 1995

Early Febuary 98 Update

Page 1 of 6

Things are startin to look up for me in my personol life.

Yes, dispite the fact that I am still sufforing with a poor selfesteam. My face has NOT cleared up yet. Also I am unable to put on wieght no mattor what i try. The olny thing that stinks as mutch as my curent job is my search for a new one. Granfather is still as abbusive as ever. Plus he still stinks pretty badley too. He does not allow me to wash him as much as he needs to be washed. Bastord. Oh well.

But things are slightley starting to perk up.

Yes both profesionaly and personally. Do you remmember that company on the East coast that said they want to produce cartoons about my life? That my brother and sisterinlaw and Grandfather are also doing business with? Do you remmember how I did NOT want them to portray me in cartoons? Well now they offored me something:

A "bigger cut"

That phraise refers not only to what hapens to Granfather when his reticulated, sharp bristled and oddley feline-like toungue comes into repeated and overweening contact with the gaping boil-related sores on his savage monkeyman shoulders and back; (this is why he wears that cardboard pet coller); but also to what may happan to ME financialy.

Yes a few people have said they woud be glad to buy SPONCERSHIPS and also if I bring in any of these sponcorships myself, they will be glad to send a comission my way, in the form of a bigger cut. We still havent nailed down a time but unless things fall thruogh, this cartoon site might be up and running somtime in 1998.

There may be othor features too

If I get the job at this company, I may get to write other things for this company, including an Advice For The Lovelorn Colunm written by ME. This is somthing I did in the past, but only as a part time editor.

This company will indeed host my pages free of chardge under an enployee directory so there may be a NEW URL for my pages in a few months. Many thanks to all of those whove offored to host my pages. I deeply apreciate it. When I do move, I will give you plentey of warning time to update your bookmarks. YES NO MORE POP-UP ADS.

Speaking of love lorn

Lets not get ahead of ourselfs here, but I finaly think that for the first time in nearley 2 years I am starting to get over my heartbrokon love for my former counselor. As you know i was very atracted to my former councilor. She was 14 years older than me which in today's soceity is not really allot. But there were othor problems. First, she did not find me mutualy atractive. She liked me as a BOY and as a FREIND but not as a BOY-FREIND. (A friggin line I have heard my whole life).

Also, in this State, a counselor is not allowed to be romanticly involved with a pateint. Once she found out how much i liked her (yes, more than just puppy love) she had to resign from being my counslor. This made things worce because in admiring her integritty, plus being separated from her made me like her MORE.
Yes i know its pathettic.

Now I have 2 new counslors.

The State made sure that they are suficiently ugly as for me NOT to be atracted to them.

There has ben a longstanding argument with my new councilors and also my family over wether or not this was LOVE or just a boyhood crusch bruoght on by the loss of my mothor in early adolesence and the atachment disorder displaced upon her. But they are all wrong cause it was REALY TRUE LOVE.

OK, enuogh of that sanctimonoius Freudian crap. It is time to get on with the chronnicol of my pittiful life.

How I am moving on, emotionaly

Lateley, as i pine for her less, i have descided to look in my own local area for a rellationship. So I placed personol ads in the ad circulor flyer which goes to our county and the surounding counties.

The reason why I did this (insted of looking for my romance online), is because there are ALLOT of weird people on the internet.

Granfather's credo

The old bastord has a rule concerning womon he meets online: "JUST CHECK THE FEET, BOY. AN' IF IT'S GOT AN ADAM'S APPLE, THROW IT BACK.

Yes with the peoplle you meet online, you never know if you are getting a GUY or not whose just pretending that hes a girl.

Plus there are womon out there in the wired crowd who just like to mess with your head. Just remmember, 'wierd' is an anagram for 'wired'. (no offence to WIRED magazine.)

Anothor reason why

I want to meet a womon who likes me for ME and not becuase I am an internet cellebrity. Perhaps i loved my former councilor so much because she never uses computers. Somhow I find that apealing.

You know folks, while Ive had only one true love over the years, i too have had breif, fleeting atractions to a bevy of online cuties: There is music legend Jewel. Writer Mary Williems. HTML how-to author Laura Lamay. Also Patti Mais and Kim Polese, (no redblooded geek has a short list withuot THESE two mamas.) Even i admit, the babe known as Ester Dyson. And MABYE Ann Winnblad (smart and rich, even though I once swore to myself that lips that touched Bill Gates will never toutch mine).

And yet, when i look back at them, realizing that my atraction to them fleeted just as fast, I wondor: Is their status as online celebrities what made me like them? Woud I have liked Ms. Maes and Ms. Polese if, say, insted of their internet industry sucesses, they were right here in my own backyard, slinging hash and serving up the liqiud form of java as blue collor working-class gum-snapping, Texas-drawling waitresses in the truckstop down by the State Route ramp?

Uh, the answor is a resounding HELL YES. But that is beside the point. The point is, I do not want the afections of anothor to be based on my online persona. Or for that matter to be from women feeling sorry for me.

Also: I like to meet peoplle IN PERSON for romance.

Please, all you online ladeis: Dont all cry in your pillows ovor not gettin the chance to date me. Besides i need a local woman, because of the old troll who i am forced to live with under court order, and take care of. Therefore I will only consider women in the sparceley poppulated area I live in.

What gave me the idea

Belive it or not, Granfather gave me the idea. The ad circulor flyer does not come in the mail, but it has to be delivered. They usualy come rolled up and placed inside this long plastic bag that the dellivery person is is suposed to hook on your doorknob but they are allways too lazy to do it, so insted they just toss the slippory thing on your doorstep so you can trip on it and crack your ass open. Chances are one of these flyors comes to your home.

Well they do not come to ours because the delivory man was thretenned once by Granfather who pointed a shotgun at him. So when we go to the Mini-Mart in our town, we always pick one up cause theres always a stack of them there.

A crude and very old lame joke

Last week Granfather does what he allways does when we go to the mini-Mart. He picks up a circulor, whips the long plastic bag out and then says real loud to guy behind the countor while waving it arround, "ILL TAKE A DOZON O'THESE HERE FER SAFE SEX: JUST MY SIZE TOO!"

Of course no one laughs cause he says the same disgousting joke each week. As usual during the ride home the old bastord reads all the ads out loud, and this time he said "LOOK BOY, PERSONALS."

Well sure enuogh there WAS personal ads that I never noticed before and most of the people placing them were WOMON. Well I thoght abuot answoring some, but insted decided to write my own. It took me a long time strouggling at home, and so i ended up writing a few diferent versions:

The honest aproach:

Single white man early 20s,  slim, over 6'  originaly  from California
seeking womon for freindship,  love and who knows MABYE MORE!! I enjoy
Star trek,  Babilon 5,  J. R .  Tolkin,  Sienfeld, computor games, and
configuoring modem strings.   Any  age  or race  considored.  Looks or
wieght are not inportent to me so I hope there not inportent to you. I
am  a  PC user. (Macintosh devotees welcome, but please, no fanatics.)
Looking in (XXX) area code  only, in  these 3 phone  numbor  exchanges
only: XXX, XXX and XXX -- (it's  a long  story.)  Reply  to  Box XXXX.
The onley thing i lied abbout in the above ad is where i said i was slim. I am much skinnier than slim. To my shame it has been said i have no ass.

The desperate aproach:

Pleas  dont make me spent annothor Valentiens Day alone.  If you  snap
your gum or blow smoke in  my face or nag me in public that is OK with
me. I am desperrate. I am emotionnoly imature. Plus I am unexpereinced
with womon. (I am also the type who experiecne will probly not inprove
me).  I  will  surely   be  alergic  to your perfume and if it is Lair
Du Temps  you  canbe    certain i will vomit. I am lactose intolorent.
I know only 3 jokes and youve probly already heard them.  I run out of
things to say after 10 minuts; (inteligent things after 30 secends) As
a youngstor, I was the last child picked for the kickball team.  Today
i  am  the   first   one   picked   for  layoffs.  If interested in an
unconfortble evening full of painfuly shy one word answors and awkword
glances please reply...
A freind of mine actually told me that the above ad is a way to get ALLOT of replies, except they will be repleis from codeppendent women seeking their next chalenging project.

The Humoruos aproach:

Uh-oh, it  looks  like  Chandler and  Joey  have  left  the  apartment
just to  us!  Let me be your "Central Perk".  Yes who knows if we will
end up as more than just "FREINDS". Squeeze me in  betwean 7  and 7:30
central time to  the channel of LOVE.
I almost went with this one. But I think this type of ad really will get me the type who snaps her gum and blows smoke in my face. Besides i dont think i want a womon who likes "FREINDS" as much as me.

The suave aproach

You: Demure, atractive, and sohpisticated. Me: Consumed with worldwide
conspiracies  involving  govorment experiments, biologicol warfare and
the coverup of  extraterestrial beings.  You: Skepticol. Even a little
pissed.    Me: Gullible.  Needing  your levelheadedness to  countor my
torturred soul.  You: (breathily whisporing to me in a quizzicol, sexy
pout),  "Mulder, what are you sugesting?"   Me: WHOO BABY THE TRUTH IS
I ended up going with the first ad in case you want to know. I will let you know how it turns out in my Mid-Febuary update becuase I got 3 replies and i have 3 dates for the week beffore Vallentines Day!!!

Granfather's new docter