Walter Miller Homepage

The 3 things never to discus in mixed compeny: Polotics, Religoin and GRANFATHER

Dec 96 Update

Page 7 of 7

Granfather called the old Hoe girlfreind to say wed be back early. She was happy cause otherwise it woud just be her and her son who just got outof drug rehab all alone for Thanksgivng at our house. Her son took the bus down from Ft Worth. His name is Ed and hes 22 about my age. She told granfather over the phone now little Walter can have a playmate and granfather said GREAT NOW HE WONT HAVETO PLAY WITHHIMSELF NO MORE. Then they both laughed there asses off. Poeple near the phone in the lobby heard. I was pissed. Then we flew home.

Well id like to take this time to say IM SORRY this update is a week late. It was cause of problems at home. I guess the delay only adds to the amateurish, crappy nature of my website.

The ugly bicth met us at the airport an when we got home her doofus son was on MY COMPUTER and also pokin around in my PRIVATE STUFF. He downloded every damn DOOM Wad he coud find on the Net plus dirty binaries. I had NO hardrive space left. Also he ajdusted my computer table and chair to fit his ass not mine. I tried to be hospitoble but Ed was a creep. I explained my PC was for WORK to suport the family. Hejust stared at me stupidly. Then he took MY Gameboy out of HIS pocket and shook it in my face and said very rude WELL IM KEEPIN THIS. He didnt even ask he just took it.

I felt bad for the guy cause he was a big loser and had no father plus was a big squarehead galoot who looked like Fred Flinstone. He never lifts the seat when he pees. Granfather told me secretly Ed had a shoplifting problom. To be nice I oferred to sleep all week on a sleepin bag onthe floor. And Ed said I DONT GIVE A SHIT WHERE YOU SLEEP IM SLEEPIN HERE and kicked MY BED

O god please NO

That night the 2 senoir citizens were GETTIN IT ON. I call "IT" the Klingon Mating Rituol. When there doing I DONT WANNA KNOW WHAT in granfathers room I usualy hide out in the shed with my Walkman but this night it was raining. It was extra enbarassing to have Ed there in my room too. You geussed it: granfather met this woman in a chat room.

She demands I call her "Grannie" and i WILL NOT and also "Aunty" but shes NOT MY AUNT. (Also, having your granfather going out with your Aunt is very disgusting).

Uncle Edword

I wrote once that the sounds of these two mating was like the scene in Jorasic Park when they fed the bull to the T-rex and also once they knocked our trailor off the cement blocks. Things are NOW WORSE. Remember grampas health is inproving. Lets upgrade that movie metophor to the damn livestock scene in Twistor. As me and Ed laid there qiuetly bein shook from our sleep from the sounds and seismollogy of their puerile fisticuffs Ed says YOU KNOW IF THEY GET MARRYED THEN YOUR MY NEPHEW. I said HELL NO THEY BETTOR NOT GET MARRIED.

A few days later was Thansgiving and Ed anounces at the table that from now on Walter has to call him "Uncle Edword" or else "Sir." Everyone was silent and sudenly the two old folks shreiked with luaghtor. I said NO. Granfather said YOULL DO AS YOUR TOLD BOY. Then Ed reached in my dish and scooped my cranberry suace into his dish. It was the special bottom slice that has the imprint of the tin can and the numbers on it--it was ALWAYS a tradition I got this peice. I said NO ED and the mean sonafobbich said I ALWAYS GET THE BOTTOM AND THATS 'UNCLE EDWERD' TO YOU. Gramps and the old hoe laughd more and more. I got up and ran to my room cryin. Ed came after me knockin over his chair as he got up hollering YOU GET TEARS ON *MY BED* ILL POUND YOU. Then the granfather and the wench lauhgad so hard i thuoht one of them woud have a stroke. She screeched till she cried and maroon and black mascarra ran down her face. Oh man it was hideuos.

So this is why this update is late: I coudnt work on it cuase Ed didnt leave til Teusday and he said WHO KNOWS I MIGHT BE BACK and he poked me with his finger. I had $51 in my room in a cofee can and now its gone and also missing are my Butthole Surfers and Blender CDs plus some gameware. Fagot basterd.

My matress smelled and I soaked it with paint thinnor and burned it in the yard. Granfather holered out the window QUIT THAT BOY ILL CALL THE FIRE DEPORTMENT ON YOU. I said GO AHEAD but he didnt. Im misorable. I wish i coud be with my counselor. Well thats it for now and Ill try to have a Cristmas Extra update in middle december. Ho ho HO.


Back to Menu of updates