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Were numbor 2!Honors continue unabatedly to descend as wreaths of green laurols upon my fair head. Yes a welcom change from OTHER greenish wads hittin it, mostly from GEUSS WHO'S lungs or nostrols--and which dont usualy desend verticaly on TOP of my head but fly horrorzontly to hit the back along with evil laughs. This latest kudo is a pleasant one: Walter Miller's Home Page was just selected in the 2/97 isseu of Yahoo Internet Life (page 44) as one of THE 10 "FUNNIEST SITES ON THE NET."
I guess if you work for Yahoo your alowed to tool around the web on company time without gettin in troble & somone who works there probly found ME. Amazing cause i dont even use META tags.
I was listed #2 even though they said the Top 10 "was in no particolur order." YEAH RIGHT a lame excuse: Eveyone knows were #2 and granfathor in fact is rollin around the trailor chanting WERE NUMBER 2! and also anuonced in a crule tone with hints of humorous sadism that in comemoration hell be makin LOTS MORE #2 for me to clean up. Mean basterd.
Also the same week for the 2ND TIME IN A ROW i was picked for PC MAGAZINES TOP 100 WEBSITES. What a feeling to be in TWO magazines onthe same rack down at our gas station: Yahoo & PC Mag. (Granfathers jeolous: Medicol pictures of him didnt make either the Nationol Enquirer OR the Globe in a over a month).
"...His renown is bursting beyond cult status" the Yahoo article said about me (and also serves i guess as apt analogies for granfathers diapers, colon & boils). But it mentoined also they think im a FAKE and quoted (secondhand i mihgt add) that I used a Newyork accent in a press intorview. Well Ive gave 4 press interveiws so far in person and over the phone: One in NY, 2 in California & 3 in LasVegas at Condex. The bigest and most read was the NY one and even then the reportor at first said i had a "soft suothern voice maybe the Carolinas" before New yorkese drifted in. (Howd he know it wasnt New Jerseyese dammit.)
Well the perfect hybrid of people-pleasor and raw phony that I am is clear enuogh to show a rude effert on my part to mimick the NY reporter as the parley dragged on. I never dreamed I mihgt be insulting him. IF SO I APOLAGIZE. (plus I had 3 beers which is ALOT for me--Hell, THEY was buying). Ive been 18 years in Califonia but 2 years + 9 summers in Texas so Southern drawls creep in mah voice from taahm to taaahm....Hey! Yo! I can do Noo Yowk tawk good too cause my mothors from New JOYSEY and Brooklin. Me and my brother used to mimic her REAL good. She died when i was 14. We dont do the acent no more. She use to say 'youse' as in 'Youse Guys' but it somtimes came out 'yiz.' Even in the same sentence, like this: YOUSE BOYS CLEAN THIS FRIKKIN ROOM OR ILL KILL YIZ. Besides: The Houston Chroncle said I had "A sharp command of Texas dialects" but also said im an 'Amazing work of fiction' so go figore. Oh crap Now im startto cry thinkon bot my mom so i havto comback later.
Time to talk about Inuaguraton Day.Granfathers NOT HAPPY since bein denied cohabitation with his repulsive old girlfrend since the new year. While watching Justice Ginsborg swear in Al Gore the stiff gristly basterd (Granfather, not Gore), pointed at the TV with his skeletol pinky and muttered, SAY BOY THINK THERES ANY BIKINI PICS O'THAT THAR ON THE WEB? SHES LOOKIN DANG PURTY IN THET OLE BLACK DRESS.
I said NO GRANFATHER plus it aint a dress--Clarronce Thomas wears one too and I told him Im SURE she probly isnt even on those fake celebrity photo sites. But I did read in Wired that Jugde Ginsberg is one ofthe few who understands the internet plus rekonizes that the 1st Amendmant applys to the WEB TOO so even if there WAS photos like that out there she might get pissed but woudnt try to ban them.
I atcualy felt bad for the old yellowy coot (Granfather, not Ginberg) as i know how much he misses relations (Er, make that violations) with his girlfrend. I said GRANFATHER FOR GODSAKE try to control yorself im not GETTIN NONE EITHER plus Im alot youngor. Its sad that I can curb my jumpin hourmones better than my misrable grandfather.
The Executive Codeppendent