Walter Miller Homepage

Along with Sipowitz's nakad ass on NYPD Blue, perhaps the most reprosentative symbol of 1st Amendment expresion in electronnic media today.

Mid-Feb 97 Update

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This update begins with a disclaimor:

"In a recent update on these pages in a file named F76.HTML a suggestive opinion was published that the individual known as 'Walter Miller's grandfather' committed the crime of theft of several items not limited to but including one or more Precious Moments(R) figurines from a unnamed personal residence in Tarrant County, Texas in December 1996 or January 1997. The above mentioned suggestive opinion is hereby rescinded by the author as of 12:01 AM February 16, 1997."

My lawyor said I didnt HAVE to print this retraction of an incodent (because its my opinnion) but I did it anyway. Only becuase granfathers girlfreinds sister threatenned to have the old troll arested for posesion of stolon property.

Plus HE threatoned to make MY life even more misorable than usual if I didnt. I wont mention the threat. But lets just say it involves an eldorly mans ingestion over the next few weeks of sevoral cubic yards of resultant paste consisting of equal parts uncooked Old Elpaso powdored dinner mix and concontrated 100% soy milk syrup; an old man whose Army nickname was 'Mushroom Cloud' and who was prohibbeted by militery decree from eating dairy and owning a cigarete lightor. (And people wondor why my famliy converted granfathers trailor from cheaper propane to electric and also installed sprinklors. It cost $4,150 and danm trailor isnt worth $2000.).

Problens at home

Well what the hell else is new. Heres a breif rundown:

You know i ocasionaly get fan mail from people spuriously deriding some of the things i write. In othor words while folks luagh at the old basterd most dont believe he is as repulsive as I say.

But I often DO hear from folks who ALSO have famly members who apply household bug spray directly to there skin--Like granfather who uses products like Raid as skin care. Please dont be supprised. Of cuorse hes too cheap to buy the name brand so he buys the no-name sprey down at the filling station.

Dont try this at home

And dont lauagh either: We dont recomend you use it as such but these sprays will kill surface vermin like flies bees ants spidors and scabbies on a human just as it kills bugs on other surfeces like your kitchon floor and infact is atcually (acording to somthing i read in the Newsgroups) MORE MILD than lice medicines that your suposed to put rihgt on your hair.

PLUS I LOVE THE DELIHGTFUL FRAIGRENT BOUQUET says granfather who has also since discovvered the alchohol content of these products work the same as aftor shave plus can be cheaper. I even cohgt the old bastord concentratting the spray in a jelly glass till it was liquoud and then doin the old 'swish and spit.'

Now, bug sprays WONT kill everythin on your skin such as certain fungusses. More on that in a bit.

The para-human's parramours

I wrote in my last update abuot the extremely wierd lookin wizenned old crone who looks like Howerd Stern in a dress and who Granfather is cheating with behind his girlfreinds back. She spent last weekend at our house. Between her, granfathers hideously diesgusting waffly girlfrend, and the Old Mutant Bastord Himself our trailer could probly be airlifted to Hollywood with no further change in cast members for imediate use as a new whoare house section on Babbylon 5.

After a very noisey Sunday night indeed in granfathers bedroom, (dont ask), me and this woman sat at the breakfost table Monday tryin to keep our Apple Cinnoman Eggoes down while he was in in the bathroom sprayin his whole body like crazy with extra strenhgt insectocide and happily grunting out in the glow of illicit post-cohabbitation in cheerful monotone with a lit Macannudo clamped in his teeth 'The Girl From Inpanema.' When he finished the whole song he began again from the begining & reppeated it an octave higher. The jiuce glasses on the table vibbrated and slid across the formica from the sound.

Bugged spray