"Burlesque Kafka-ka"
-- from a review of this site

Mid-Feb 97 Update

Page 5 of 7

Horoble disgustin repulsive pig

Ocasionaly while still in the sustianed low squat the beast balenced himself on his left foot as he swung the right over his head behind him like a dog or cat does to briskly scratch behind his scaly ear with hourny nails in a dry scrapeing noise like a dead branch on a tin roof.

I watched in macabre revulson him hop & switch to his right foot, supourting, teetoring, while with the left he dug a toe into the innor ear canal with the duel task of scoopin out wax, and there, with it sunk deep he swivoled jaw and foot in synch to crack its knuckols in a hihgpitched bony crunch. And than the next toe.

At last the pinky: immersing and rotatting its protracted elongatted concaive nail within the hairey aural passage with a loud sucking suond, withdrawing it to bring close to his currious face an oily blob of deep yellow upon it that he exammined carefuly, sniffed daintilly and then rolled in a waxy ball between his toes then flicked off over his shouldor behind him and onto the dark red dry clay dust.

Then he gnashed his teeth in a silent ferrocious snarl and much the same I saw him pick from them gummy brekfast lunchon meat and flick this too aside. He burped and he farted and then said outloud to no one really, I WONDOR WHATS UP WITH HI TECH STOCKS THIS WEEK. Hes a livin friggin breathing danm Gahan Wilsen cartoon. And i live with him i swear it.


3 hours later dont you know i hear Granfather inthe yard screamin bloody murdor, twitchin & scratchin himself cramped frozon still stuck in the toadlike squat position complaning his knees are locked. I carry him in & put him in a hotbath to loosen his joints. He yelled at me to relite his smoke plus check him for bugs.

He said he ITCHED BAD. Normaly bugs dont make him itch as the insect spray mostly kills them. But IT WONT kill certan funguses like tinea or ringworm: Theyre undor the cutaneous surface--even amonia or bleach right onthe skin wont do it.

And when i checked him GEUSS WHAT I FOUND.

A Fungus Among Us

Well first I double checkhed it in that awful color photo front section ofthe Family Medicol Guide to know for sure: Yes Grampy cought a RASH from that womon!

Oh man when he looked at that book and then at his, uh, well, you know, was he out of controal.

My first 'KO'

There were no happy words abuot 'unshackoled love' for rest of THAT day. As usual his first instinck was to lash out at othors for the bitter friuts of his own sowing. He grabed the johnny mop from the tub hook wackin me with it blaming ME sayin if i didnt give Uncle Ed such a hard time he wouldnt of tryed to kill himself & then his girlfreind would of stayed with him and he wouldnt of needed to look up this other woman. SO ITS ALL MY FUALT. Stupid old dope.

And let me tell you our family jonny mop is soft & springey when you get hit with it but based on the history of the thing Id of prefered gettin hit with a lead pipe.

Granfather was gettin violant. I began to panic. I got the cement shovel & ran back and put the D-handle in his razorsharp mouth pinning him to the floor of the tub & leaned with all my wieght for 5 minuts as he struggled an growled. Then i pulled it out, flipped it over & with the flat of the shovol i got in 5 good blows: HE WAS OUT COLD.

a Badge of honor

I was so proud of myself I called the docter. He was out so i left a mesage. Yes its a family honor to "KO" granfather without the use of anastesia or injectoins. Dad did it only twice in his life, my brother did once--pointblank with the shotgun filled with rocksalt on his forhead.

Also our sheriff serviced granfather with a crowbar durin a 1994 bar room brawl and was decorrated with a medal of valor for it. The old bastord even atended the ceremony. NOW I TOO AM A MAN.

Next, i called the animol behaviorol specielist who i took granfather to a few months back. He prescribed some special cream for the rash plus sugested I go to the hardwaer store & buy one of those Sure Lock wrenches the kind that grips bolts even if its stripped.

This is the same animol vet who was able to control the recalcitrent beast by puttin an iron ring in his nose--well we lost that ring. He told me to lash the Sure Lock to his nose with wire--when he was conscious agian I shoud twist it to calm him down.

And he told me to fit anothor cardboard pet coller on him so he wont lick and bite that rash. He wasnt sure if Blue Cross woud pay for the wrench.