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FAQ part 4

I married her becuase I never thougt someone else would ever marrey me. It stems from a poor selfimage problem. She was fat to begin with so no one noticed she was pregnont. . We lived together 2 weeks then she dumped me. 3 months later she had a kid. IT WAS NOT MINE. As we were leagally marreyed when the kid was born, all patternity tests mean squat an Im legally obligated to pay all bills & support. I NEVER EVEN SLEPPED with her becuase the 2 weeks we lived together she said she had her perriod and didnt want to DO IT. Like a jerk, I am also cought on tape very drunk on my wedding video braggin that we DID IT many timmes. But the fact is Im the olny person in the world married, divvorced, paying allimony AND child suppourt and is still a virgen.

Q: Overall, what's the very worst part of your life?
A: A 3 way tie: Granfather's verbol abbuse, my bleak future of more years with him, and his repulsive stink. Betwean his B.O., his ass his breath and his skin he smells so bad that if he goes 2 days without a washing, the smoke detector will start to chirp every 10 secconds, even with new batteries. No bath for 3 days: it will go off like crazy. Just one bad egg fart near the carbon monnoxide detecter will make it go also.

The mans a living breatheing, friggin' X-File

Q: Aren't your physical descriptions of him exaggerated?
A: No. The mans a living, breatheing, friggin' X-File--(even the Asisstant Directer would become a BELEIVER if he met him). I didnt even describe granfather in full. I have to daily massuage his boney blue and orange feet for blodd circulaton. Theyre colder than ice. He has six toes on one foot. Two toes on the other foot are webbed. The longest toe is the pinkey-its 2-1/2 inchs long, has 3 knuckels on it, an he can pick things up with it, an open a pop bottle. He can fart louoder then most people can scream, an his scraming voice is incredibble. He screms at the top of his lungs with a cigarete clenchted in his teeth--its so loud that if a jelly glass is on the table infront of him it will crack, and an empty teacup will exploade. It hapenned twice an Ive been tryin to captore it again on video.

Granfather also has a long, prehensile tonggue that can reach to the bottom of a mainoayaise jar, an 3 quarters the way to the bottom of a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth-you know how skinney the hole is. After he craps, I have to wash the spattor off the tiolet imediately with straight murriatic acid before it dryes or later ill have to scrape it off the rim with a Exacto knife. All day he picks his nose an fliks bougers all over the trailer. Each booger is the size, color an constituencey of a raw oystor without the shell. He blowes his nose all day in his sheets, the window drappes, even my clothes.

He eats horribel things an never gets sick: tobaco leaves, raw eggs plus the shells, raw meat (even raw pork), rock salt, an even drinks the liquod at the bottom of the Handy-Wipe conntainor. Youve heard of people bitting heads off live chickens--how about SWALLOEING them too? Like I said, hes a damn X-file, and if Sculley an Muldour ever came across my granfather they would quit their posts an ask to be transferred to counter duty at the FBI Giftshop.

Q: What was your childhood like?
A: You have to wait until my auttoboigraghpy is published. (Heres a prevview: I got picked on an got my ass kicked allot.)

3 more questions:

Q: What's been the reaction on the Web to your site?
Q: What are your future hopes and dreams?
Q: Do you have a love interest?

These 3 questons can all be ansered HERE.

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