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Walter Miller's Homepage(TM)

Your jonesing is over.

The Summer 2001 Update

Page 1 of (holy crap!) 50

Granfather lives again

This website is about Granfather. I originaly started this website over 5 years ago as both a chronnicle of his disgustingness and abuse, and also as a way for me to deal with the trauma and houmilliation of having to deal with him. Late last year Granfather was presummably murdered by his two oldor brothers, and was declared dead. Without Granfather, there is no reason to publish the website. Howevor, as truth is stranger than fiction, and life itself always so much worse that your worst nightmare, (well, at least mine is), Granfather has once more been re-annimated and lives once more

And becuase there has been no Granfather for so long...

This is why my website is so very late.

OK I am full of crap. The reasen why it is late is becuase I have been very busy at work, and also have been spending much of my creative time and energey in other endeavors. For example I wrote a coupel of screenplays, and TV show ideas. I mailed them in to a coupel of those contests who are always lookin for movie and TV scripts. The stories and plots have nothing to do with my "REAL" life and in fact I sumbitted them under a fake name. (Hmm, well what the hell else is new.)

Alls I can say about my screanplay writing is that if you evor are in the movie theator or watching TV and happen to see something really really funny, there is a chance it was writton by me under one of my fake names. (How's that for ass-covoring self-prommotion?)

I have not yet become a sucess

I have been crying and crying and deppresed lately too. I am such a big failure. Yes, there are allot of failures in the internet industry I supose, but some of them enjoyed fame, fortune and stock options BEFORE becoming losers. Me, I have allways been a failure. Even my fame has been annonnymous.

And the longer I go without pubblishing a new update the worse and more guilty I feel. My sence of sorrow and shame recappittulates itself. I will try to do better.

"Dot-Bomb ghost site"

I am pleased to say that my long absence has yeilded one thing that has proven to be an unexpected boost to my fragile dammaged self esteem: The Great Internet industry Author and pundit Steve Baldwin who I admire very much has cited this site as a "Dot Bomb Ghost Site" in his Setpember 1, 2001 graveyard of "dead websites."

And while, (Ahem), my update was indeed posted in late August BEFORE Sept 1st, it is a gracious honor indeed to be captured for all time in a screen shot on that well-known website -- as well as a kick in the pants to ME to never lagg behind so much in the future. A deep appollogy to my readers, and many thanks to Mr. Baldwin. To whom I show exceeding respect in spelling his name corectly on this page.


Yes, I know. Its pittiful.

But please undorstand folks, I did not disappear. I was simply workin on my biggest update yet. No one ever said J.K. Rowling "disapeared" when it took her a few months to write the new Harry Potter book. This update is probly bigger and longer than one of those, not to mention containns the potentiol to be banned from more Fourth Grade Reading lists. Ladeis and Gentlemen I am still here, and not J.D. Salinger yet.

By the way, GRANFATHER is the one who submitted my site as "a ghost site" so he claims.

About those othor writing projects of mine:

Many thanks to my freind Stu who helped me with the spelling and plot devellopment. These othor scripts dont take place in Texas nor do they involve trailor trash such as myself, but it represents a creattive branching out on my part. (They are very non-Walter Miller-like, and I wont post them here.)

"I gotta be Me"

That is my motto. (Unless I am bein sombody else I suppose).

Now, nhy did I do other writing, you may ask?

A new "schtick"

Yes, schtick, not to be confused with othor similararly sounding words I have learned in Newyork and Hollywood like "schmutz" and "schmuck" and the refreshingly clever "schvitz", a schtick is a word for an actor's regulorly known work or persona. And like that poor fellow John Bobitt we remember from a few years ago, I need a new one, (without necessarily gettin rid of the old one) which surely after all this time needs a allot of repair from being overly used and battored. (Ahem. Not that its ever been 'used' allot to begin with, though modesty dictates I decline comment on personal responsibilitty regarding some of the battoring -- okay, I had realy better stop there.)

Update in the the "Walter Miller's Homepage" TV project.

It is still alive but moving slowly. We simpley have to get our foot in the door, and show our pilot to the right people. I should be proud of myself because I did get to pitch it to a few TV networks on both coasts. But I think I need to get a new agent cause some of the places we pressented to were things like, The Tofu Cooking Channel as well as Channel del Access Publico en Bolivia Hoy.

The way the pitches work, your agent brings a "bucket" of shows which is about 4 or 5 of them. Then you and the Pitching Team sit in some big network executtive's office on a fancy leathor chair that you sink into up to your hips, and where every slight move you make sounds like something loud and gassy. This is all on purpose to intimmiddate you. Then, someone on the Pitching Team, (never me, I was never alloud to do it because I am a teribble presenter), pops the tape in of the pilot and plays all the shows in the bucket, and I must say, Walter Miller's Home Page(R): The TV Show(tm) always got the most laughs of them all.

We had two concepts, one was for an annimated cartoon, and the othor for a live-action quirky "Malcolm In The Middle" type show. Aparantly, "quirky" is really in nowadays. (Ive been quirkey for years, so I am ahead of the game here.). Howevor the way it has gone for the year 2000 and the part of 2001 that is already over, our TV show concept passed the first hurdle of aproval several times, and even better than that, at two networks, my show passed the second hurdle. But networks are fickle things. So far nothing's been signed and as of this writing we're not yet into devellopment.

I appollogize to you, My faithful readers

Forgive me of my pipe dreams of tryin to be somthing I am not. I have neglected updatting my website to improve my own fourtunes while trying to be somthing I am not. I will try to do better.

I am told I have allot to be proud of because not many show pitches get that far. But that is bittor consollation for someone who, the alternative of NOT selling his TV show means that I must return to my rural American trailor of horrors and wipe Granfather's butt for the rest of my life. My whole investment in the deal when you count up paying annimators and consultants and travel costs, it all cost me $8,000. Geuss how much money I had in the bank at the time. Well, closer to $300. Alls I can say to that is: Damn the bad evil company that was irressponsible enough to isseu a loser like ME a credit card.

In any case words canott express my sorowwful apology to all you faithful readers who have been waiting so long for an update.

Please forgive me. It is very hard to live with the houmiliation of being me, and still, after all this time, not to have made no money off this website. Also, as someone who desperetely seeks approvol of others, and thrives on meager complimments (and even those which end in backhanded insults: Yes, I am desperate,) the lack of encurraging words like, "Great New Update, Walter!" has been discourraging.

And the fact that the old basterd (Yes, Granfather), is back littorally from the grave, abusing me with all sorts of names and insults is NOT a boost to my already poor self esteem.

Speaking of new schticks - a return to an old one

Folks, my plan over the past year of releasing novel-length eppisodic updates 3 or 4 times a year (like this one) has pissed allot of readers off. Allot of people do like the quallity of my writing, and these big updates sort of satisfy my personol goal of being able to write a "book." While many of my fans have written in to offor kind words that boost my fragile self image, this type of long update (after an even longer wait) does NOT sattisfy the desperate, jonesing reader who needs his or her monthly fix of online toilet humor. Therefore I WILL BE DOING MY BEST TO SUPPLY MONTHY UPDATES ONCE AGIAN.

OK click here to read the update.