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The whole ride was awfulLets just say that before 12 we got thrown out of a McDonolds and 2 Wendys due to granfathors behavor. Then at a gas statoin around 4pm the old basterd sees some mean lookin bikers at the next pump and desides to start a scene. Like i said hehas a sick sence of humor. He picks fihgts with strangors cause he knows it scares the hell out of me an makes me cry. He waddles rihgt up to the biggest biker and atcualy pokes him with his alinumim cane. The guy just looks at him not beliving what the old beast just did an says WHAT THE HELL YOU WANT POPS? Granfathor stares back blankly and says in a loud perfact Arneld Shwartzenegor voice that line from Termonator: I VANT DER CLOTHES, DER BOOTS, UND DER MOTERCYCLE. I said PLEASE granfathor dont start a scene. I started cryin an told them he was mentaly ill. The old hoe was in the car luaghin her ass off. The bikor pushed me hard an said if it wasnt Christmos Eve hed kill us all 3.
After the bikers left a gas station atendent runs up to granfather and says LEAVE NOW or hell call the cops. Grampy says I PAID FER MY GAS AND I GOTTA USE THE JOHN. Then he says he doesnt need me--he coud DO IT ALONE. Whoa I knew more truoble was comin.
He was in there 25 danm minites and the gas statoin guy was wackin the door with a basball bat screamin at him and granfather screamed back. It stunk BAD, even thru the metal door. I ran up to the guy an said PLAESE leave him alone an please dont call the cops just let him be or else worse stuff woud happen cause granfather is like that. When the door opaned I was standin there an almost passed out from the odor. Granfather grinned like a devil and says LOOKS LIKE I MISSED THE BOWL and there was a huge volumuous load on the centor of the floor like a beached whale all in one peice the damn size of a car battory with concentric bands in segments down the egdes all gettin bigger and bigger around in circomfrence the further away from you it was. Excetp for the color and size it was the exact dimensoins of a scale modol of the freakin Stanley Cup.
Granfather pushes past the guy screamin more and they got in a big row while i tryed to push him in the car and it ended real ugly cause just as we drove off granfathor hollers as loud as he can ALL YOU PAKISTANY BANGLODESHIES ORTA GO THE HELL BACK TO YER OWN DAMN COUNTRYS. To hear that was extremly houmiliating becuase I have many good freinds from that part of the world--i felt just as ofended. Granfathors NOT what you call Politicoly Correct.
Of cuorse the old beast isnt enviromentaly (or even mentally) corect as well cause when we got back on the hihgway the old girlfreind was cackling and laughin and said THAT ONE WAS A MASTERPEICE POPS. She said that while he was in there droppin his payload on the tiles she was in the office buyin smokes and jerky and the stink wafted in an made all the needles fall off the Christmas tree they had in there and most amazeing was that it was a FAKE tree an still the neadles fell off.
Jingle Bells Santa Smells 40 Miles away
Picks his nose with Chearios an Eats them on the way
Granfather swears hes the one who wrote that song back in 1949 or 1950 an actauly sued someone once for sayin otherwise.
Sudenly my eyes and nose start burning and I realize that in the heat of the gas station incodent the old beast probly forgit to wipe his butt and I said out loud 'Do you smell what I smell?' Well soon as i said that they were quiet for 1 second and then launched into a gross versoin of the song 'Do You Hear What I Hear'. I dont remember the lyrics but I DO remembor some other songs him and the old hoe sang. Her sence of humors almost as sharp as his and they made them up ad lib completly off the top of there crusty heads. They are reproduced on a speciel Walter Miller Homepage Christmas Sing Along Page.
If you want you can look at it and then return tothe story.
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