Walter Miller Home Page
Aruond THIS website the only 'PLUG-IN' youll find hangs from a bent nail behind the bathroom door and has a rubber hose on the end.

Mid-January 1997 Update (Main section)

Page 2 of 5

Before I continue the saga I divert to point out a rare oportunity to myreaders:

As you know im prohiboted by agreement with granfahters lawyor from puttin photos him on my website or even pointing to a pitcure on someone elses site who LOOKS like him. But i will say if you get Natoinal Geogrpaphic take a look at the new Febuory 1997 article The Dawn Of Humans. Among the drawings from around pages 85 to 90 theres one or 2 monkys that look prettey danm close and the pullout map has even more similor simians.

OK back to the story.

Granfathers repolsive girlfreind who is Uncle Edwards mother, plus granfather spent the few days after Christmas at the house of the girlfiends creepy spinstor older sister. (The house I suposedly wrecked tryin to protect myself from a maniacal resident pitbull who on Christams Eve had desided to here and there allover my skinny pale body from head toe rip out a few new anal opennings for me).

The older sister drove them back down to our trailer and while she isnt near as disgustin as the girlfrend she is a mean old hag with a face like Ed Asner an has short grey hair in a crewcut plus wears those unatractive plastic eyeglases with large lenses popullor among homely women her age that somhow look as if there bein worn upside down.

Shes also mean but who coud blame her. She just spent 10 hours in the car with granfather and i know how that feels especialy on the eardrums and mucual menbraines. Plus accordin to granfather shes so mean cause shes ben 'goin thru her changes' for the past 15 years. I dont know much about womans plumbing as they say but Im sure a old person cant go thru CHANGES for 15 yeares straihgt (althuogh I controdict myself as granfathers ben evolving or shoud i say DEvolving for 6 deccades in a row now.)

It turns out the 2 monstrous lovers spent most ofthe ride in the backseat with one of those Cabege Patch Snacktime Dolls and the two of them are hopin to cash in on with a niusance lawsiut agianst the makers of the doll by tryin to position its mechanicol mouth on various places on granfather including his scruffly neck and hairey back to make it catch.

Of course what hapened was his wirey brutish hair clogged the motor and broke the doll and you know his hair doesnt cut easily so they had to tear it apart amidst screeams (more from angor and frustrattion than pain) on the I-35 that were so loud other motorists heard.

Now ive seen it all

So since December 30 granfather has a dolls rubber head stuck to the back of his neck by some gear rollers. So what the hell else is new. Who the hell cares. It doesnt matter. Im used to IT ALL and not only that it coud stay there IM not goingto kill myself tryin to remove it.

Yes ive seen it all. In Novembor granfather started hackin and cuoghing and then keeled over unconshious and this awfull lookin wiggly black slimy thing thing was stickin an inch out his moulth I thouhgt it was a black tapeworm an I puled on it and it was atcualy a leathor tassle. But atched to it it was tied to a peice of tapering splintory wood that ended in a small brass coller and then below that it was badly corodded metal and it wasnt till the whole item was sittin there in our sink an I scrubed the sludgey muck off with a brassbristle brush and murriatic acid coud you see its revealed shape take form as one of those nickel plated footlong departmant store shoe horns that said PROPERTY OF.. WHO THE HELL KNOWS cause it was deterriorated off and i dont know how the HELL it got there of when AND I DONT WANT TO. This is the sort of spectacoulorly revolting behavor that dosnt even make inclusion in my hompage anymore.

I called the doctor and he said nickel is hihgly toxic. SO toxsic they dont even make nickels out of it anymore and in fact theres a nickle mine in Canada and no trees even grow near it. Its ammazing granfather survived. IF THE OLD BASTARD LIKES NICKEL the doctor said make sure he gets MORE of it.


I had supper ready for evereyone when they arivved but the girlfreinds sister took one look inside of our trailor and said IM NOT EATIN HERE. Granfather started screamin at her they got in a big fihgt an i started cryin. The mean sister stormed out sayin shed eat her supper OURSIDE then afterword shed stay at the motel on the state route NOT OUR PLACE.

A big fight