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Mid-January 1997 Update (Main section)

Page 4 of 5

Eatin food at the moment? Take a small break

Im no looker but I cant begin to say how ugly is granfathers bovine featured girlfiend. The womon has a face like a catchers mitt a giant gaping maw with huge canines and inscisors always smeared with waxy orenge lipstick imbetween the teeth with and stringy food. The same teeth the museum guide tells you are the tearing grinding vareity as is common with other carnivoars of the Triassic Period.

She has a huge puffy face, no chin and big steak lips. Her eyes are so close togethor it makes one single elonggated insectocidal compound eye. Theres all kind of hairs on her chin all diforent colors like when you see an exposed telephone company cable with milloins of tiny multicolor wires. Theres a rectangulor black mole on her face the size of a ROM chip. She smokes Paul Malls which only weird people smoke. ok now IM gettin sick so ill stop.

Change of plans

That night Edward calls from some sort of recovery tank an wants to talk to his mom. Yes hes a cruel bully but was a big baby with her onthe phone all blubory an i cant be criticol cause I lost my mom when I was youngor.

She was upset, weepin and wailing. I cant stand wachin her cry the woman has a overabundance of tears snot and drippy syrupy green eye crap and kept wipin her eyes an touchin the phone. When she got off the damn reciever looked like somone stuck it in Prell shampoo. I finaly put the speakorphone on before the old bag electracuted herself.

Granfather holered on speakor: BUCK UP BOY IT AINT SO BAD YOULL PULL THRU.

OK that made me feel a little jealos cause granfater almost never says NOTHIN to encurage ME. Then he said DONT WORRY EDDY YOU STILL AINT AS MESSED UP AS WALTER and that made evryone laugh real hard exept me and boy the snot was flying. I dont mind the old coots joke at my expense to make poor Ed feel better but what hurt my feelings like hell was he was tryin to cheer him up man to man and I never got any of that from him.

So the old girl wants imediatly to go back to Ft Worth the next day to be with him. She calls her sister at the motel sayin PLEASE swing by to get her for the ride back.

The sisters REAL pissed as the only reason she drove them BOTH down was only cause of her: If it was Granfather alone, she said, the old sonofabich could of been drop shipped in his animal carrier by parcel truck like he normoly traveled.

Well I made sure to hide in the barn when the hag sister came back. Its a good thing cause all 3 ofthem had a giant screamin row cause he didnt want his girlfend to go unless he coud go too and the sister said HELL NO he wasnt aloud in her house, the stink from his crapping made the walpaper peel off the whole upstairs. Him and his squaw ALMOST broke up but they didnt.

Alone with the beast

She went alone and and its just me & him and hes QUITE pissed at bein deprived ofthe company of his old bellywarmer takes his froustrations out on me.

Lately hes been only in the wheelchar as his legs hurt. At 3am that night he rolls in my room and I woke up to a sharp pain. I sleep with my hand across my chest an hes is wackin at my knuckol with a teaspoon. I said What are you doin an he hollors back at me ITS OLNY A TEASPOON BUT IT HURTS DONT IT BOY? an he make an evil snikor an started scremin for me to get him a Whealing Stogy out of the humidoor for him and light it up and also to roll him in the bathroom an haul him up on the crapper.

And be sure to get the jonny mop too. And also the COMET, cause somthing as big as cupid woud be BLITZEN out in the next 10 seconds and itd be either on the floor of my room or inside the toilat i coud take my pick.

While sittin on the bowl with the cigar in his mouth he fondled the spoon gazing at it while musing outloud as I nursed my hurt hand: THESE WAS ALWAYS CONSIDERD A WEAPON IN PRISON AN I NEVER KNEW WHY TILL NOW.

Yes, Grampy spent time in the pokey for theft. More than once. Not in Texas--im not aloud to say what state. Hes small & skinny but scared the hell even out ofthe guards from his 1st day. LETS JUST SAY NO ONE EVER STOPED BY MY CELL LOOKIN FER A LITTLE 'ROMANCE' KNOW WUT I MEAN? he says.

One time he fougt 3 inmates all at once all armed with shank knifes an each twice his size killing one and cripling the other 2 all with his bare hands. He was aquitted cause they hit him first. But he STARTED the fihgt by insulting them first. Evil monster.

a crappy newYears Eve