Walter Miller Homepage
Mid January 1997 Update Extra

Coming clean for the New year.
(At least ONE of us in this trailor can)

A New year is always a time for introspection. To look inside and about ones SELF. To come clean. Look in the mirrer. To turn a new leaf and point that hose and soap away from others and onto yourSELF to wash away crusts and acumulations of guilt scrubbing nodules of wrongdoing off your festerring carcass. Turning with tweezors in hand that Black an Deckor Snake Light uppon yourSELF to examine motives, hopes and dreams, pickin out inpurities, and with that rubbor glove, to DIG...

...OK Ill stop. As usual i digress. If your lookin to get your quick fix of the famuos Walter Miller Toilat humor and Bodilly Function Medley of disgustingness i sugest you read this section last. It is about shortcomings in my own life not those of others...

OK i admit it

Ive been gettin lots of mail accusin me of bein a fraud lately. They say Im not real and im makkin it all up. Well its time to come clean I admit it: I AM A FREUD. While Im not makkin up ALL the things that happen in my homepage I do exaggorate ALLOT--to the point that you might considor me a fruad becuase some people belive that if you tell one lie than your whole life is a fraud. I promise my readers i will try not to lie about things that go on in my life.

Ill also try not to exaggorate even though stopping doing this is harder than stopping lying. Stopping exagorating will be a chalenge becuase as force of habit ive done it mabye a million times.


My spellin is generaly pretty bad as I write just one draft of my work before i put it on the web. One contributing facter is that Im a geniunely bad spellor. The doctor always said Im very smart but i was in some slow learners classes for varouis reasons.

For my data entrey job and also certain things like my March 1996 update (and an upcoming spoof on The X Files) i use a spelchecker. For the rest of the stuff I dont POURPUSELY make lots of bad spellin but lets just say i shut one eye to it...Well OK sometimes I DO ham it up a bit. As Ive said many times: A few profesional writers told me to keep the spelling the way it is becase is dialect writing like Marc Twain and Willaim Faulknor. But i guess i really do overdo it.

And WHY do I do this? Theres nothing new here. I mispell becuase I am a jerk.


Many have written and said: 'Walter KEEP the mispelings--we like it." Others have wrote to say: 'Get a spelcheckor you horses ass.' Also Ive ben told to keep just a FEW mispelling. I dont know what to do. Im a person pleaser so I WANT TO DO IT ALL.

People who knoew me well relize that in some areas of my life I am NOT a strongwilled person and its not hard to talk me into doing things. Even things I dont want to do. This is a problem and pattern in my life.

Which brings me to the main reason the spelling is so bad:
So peopple talk about it. And feel sorry for me. Also a need for aceptence and need for people to pay attention to me. Plus I have jeolousey of others. I know. Its immature.

But heres the scary part:

Ive been spelling so friggin bad as a danm PHONEY FRAUD for so long, YES more than a year now that its hard for me to even spell rihgt! Yesirree bob. And the spelcheckor WONT WORK for many of my gramaticol mangulations, becuase, like a jerk, yes a jerk, (what else is new), I pridefully colected most of my more poppulor misspelings, (based on e-mail from readers) and then threw them on the spreadsheet, saw which ones were used most often, and then I had my freind write a program where wrongley spelled words are overwrote as correct for a number of variations, (i.e., the words: "disguisting", "discousting", and "disgustin"). Then a randomizer was attacthed to make them come out at randem. This is why you sonetimes see on my homepage a simple word like 'ugley' mispelled but a much more harder word like, perhapps, 'autoerotic asphyxiation' spelled rihgt cause the harder word isnt in the master list.

So a whole new crappey langoauge has been invented and its real hard for me to figore out whats rihgt and whats wrong because ive actualy memmorized many of the wrong spellings. Its effected my ability to write a simple bisness lettor or fill out a job applocatoin. Granfather is makkin creul fun of me as a result and says its a whole new langauge called WALTONICS. Yeah right.

Now my familys pissed at me too