Walter Miller Homepage
Mid January 97 Update Extra
Thanks for listening. its a load off me. The great Hebrew philopsoper Maimonedies said 'Every man is my teacher so i may learn from him." And dont think i cant learn even from the evil old mutant--yes a gross metaphore: As he says after droppin a giant load of his own: WHEW THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.
Later in the letter to my folks the mean old ancient biologocol curiosity made some blistoring personal atacks behind my back to ridacule me to my family and his lawyer. Fortunatly his vituperous creulty always comes tothe surface to discredit anythin inteligent he might of previosly said. That is seen inthis next exerpt wHich is classic Granfather:
}WALTER'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE TRUTH RESEMBLES
}LESS OF A MATRIMONIAL COMMITMENT BETWEEN MAN AND
}WIFE THAN IT DOES OF A SOLDIER ON FURLOUGH WITH A
}BESPANGLED BEJEWELLED NAMELESS PAINTED LADY OF
}EVENING FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TRACKS WITH
}WHOM AT HIS AGE I SPENT DALLIANCES APLENTY.
}AND DESPITE THE IMMORALITY OF THESE LIAISONS
}WAS I UNMINDFUL OF THEIR LIMITATIONS AND INFAMY.
}HAVING SAID THIS PERHAPS SOMETIME BETWEEN NOW AND
}THE CLOSE OF THE CENTURY OR WALTER'S COMMENCEMENT
}AS AN ADULT (WHICHEVER COMES FIRST) MY ERSTWHILE
}I TRUST AND ALSO I HOPE WILL FULFILL HIS
}NEED FOR A TASTE OF THE SAME TO BOLSTER HIS
}CONFIDENCE AS A MAN. AND IF THE CONSORTS OF HIS
}ERA ARE COMPARABLE TO THOSE OF MINE (AND I
}IMAGINE THEY ARE) I WOULD SUGGEST TO HIM PRIOR TO
}RELATIONS THAT HE FIRST TIE A PLANK TO HIS ASS
}HE DOES NOT FALL IN ON THE ATTEMPT.
OK Im very skinny. And yes also unluckey in love...
But one thing I DONT exaggorate...
...Is granfathers odor and reppulsive behavoir. Id rathor have MY problems than to personaly smell like cross betwen a herd of hungry lowland gorillas with a lactose intolorence locked in a Dairy Queen overnihgt with all the soft ice cream machines stuck in the ON possition and the close up general vincinity of the ass of a hipopotomos after it had ben starved for a week and then set free to run ammuck at the Gilroy Garlic Festivol which is how HE smells.
Now as long as Im makkin an effart to be responsble HE SHOUD TOO so I openly say:
Take a Danm Bath And Dont Behaive Like Such a Friggin Zoo Animol.
Also some practicol advice: Yo Gramps: Soap dont bite. Nor does water--it has other uses beside bein used to mix with scotch. Do you get my drift because our whole county gets your WHIFT.
Plus: Toilet papper is NOT poison.If your afraid of gettin a skin rash on the dellicate lumpy grainy naugahyde-like thick leathory pachadermal hide of your scraggly carcass as a result of comin in contact with colored toilat paper dyes then theres OTHER alternitives: Wash your ass with Tilex if you have to. Or perhaps Fourmula 409. These populor houshold consumer items are found undor the sink...The "sink" is the round thing under the mirrer that you hack deliteful orbs into from your poulmonary region after smokin and LEAVE there withuot washin it down so i can see them when i brush my teeth...Now, "brushing" is the action of a plastic bristled object...(oh forget it).
Plus, and listen up good: If you spatter the bowl after crapping CLAEN IT UP. You know the ruotine. If not, you know where the icepick and chisel are cause THATS whats needed to remove those knobby frigin stains after they dry. Its enogh to make somone yak just lookin at it.
Also:Takin the hair out of the drain after a, (the word is 'INFREQEUNT') bath is only HALF the job. The other is to throw that hirsute asteroid sized tarantulalike slimy rubbery black licorish puddinglike wad of hair and asociated soapscum conglomorate IN the wastebasket or diaper pail not ON the wall in the manner of one of the derranged primates in the movie Congo so it sticks there disgustingly slowly slugishly desending in a trail of glisteny slime at the speed of an inch an hour on its way back INTO the drain so you notice it there the next day (after it had a chance to ferment) and then once more hurl it fast to the wall; althogh this isnt much of a problem in our home as the next time youll evor take a unsolicited, unasisted, uneventful bath that dosnt end in a hospitol emergency room is expected somtime aftor the next time the Comet Kouhotek swings by our planet which i belive wont be for another 200,000 years.
There i said THOSE THINGS TOO and feel better alredy.
hopes, dreams for 1997