Hmmmm, I was suposed to of got rich by now already...
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Welcome to The Chronologicaly Late but EARLY JANAURY 1999 Update.
(Mabye make that 'chronically' late.)
Yes, I know its Febuary already. But its the thoght that counts. I actualy started writing it a month ago. Timing isnt evereything, you know. And that's comin from me, someone who hasnt got into the stock market yet. Oh well.
In my last update i wrote that Granps was close to death as a result of a horroble unspeakable thing done to him by his two elderley brothers who were trying to kill him. Yes truly a very unspeakoble thing, that I wont speak of, but I will write about here on my website.
Granfather and his wacky girlfriend have a whole bunch of strange inventions they hope to get patents on. One of those inventions was somthing called Grout-with-Yeast which simpley is no more than commen bathroom tile cement with some baker's yeast mixed in. The idea behind this is to allow the user to spread the stuff onthe walls and then set tiles on top. This way they dont have to smear the stuff in the cracks betwean the tiles, becuase the grout will expand up in the cracks just like how bread rises, thanks to the yeast. Stuppid morons.
Anothor invention they came up with was a special enema that was suposed to work on naturol atmosphereic air pressure.
"I'll gladly give my live in Texas' gallows to take the life o'my brother's," Uncle Will had reppeatedly said. (Texas dosent hang killers anymore, and ovbiously old Uncle Will moved away from here a long time ago).
I was invited to a party thrown by some people at my job. OK, I wasnt really invitted but i went anyway. It was one of those broad invittations where evereyone was walkin around the office saying, "Are you goingto Tom's party? Yes I am going to Tom's party. Are you goin to Tom's partey?"
I hate when peopple do that. What are you suposed to do on these 'open invitation' things? Do you say 'Yes' even when no one has said anything to you? This makes you look like a jerk if you are in fact not invited.
I dont know what it is but I think peoplle take a certian delight in the exclusion of othors. And i always feel like I am the one being excluded.
So she says to me, "Ooooh, are you goin to Tom's party?," and I said NO and she said "why not," and I said I do not KNOW why not, and she actualy said she was going to ask Tom why.
So I begged her: Please do NOT ask him why. It is his party for Godsake, not mine.
But she is so pushey and nosy and so concerned that my "feelings woud be hurt", that the only way I coud get her to NOT ask Tom why he didnt invite me to his party, was to promise her that I woud assume that it was an open ended invittation and show up anyway. And so i went.
The party was in this awfull looking brandnew nieghborhood of ugly atached townhouses all made of this grey vynal siding thats suposed to look like driftwood. The kind of ugly suburb with no trees, but where all the streets are named after all the trees that used to be there before they tore them up to build the frigin neighberhood.
Anyway I got there extremly early and it was kind of enbarasing because no one was there. I am extremly shy. It is hard for me to mix with people i dont know. Before long the place filled up with people from both Cyberblop, which is the compeny I work for), and also Corporate, which is the company that owns Cyberblop.
I hate the Cyberblop crowd. They are all a bunch of wannabes, but you can nevor tell what they want to be. Also there is a prepponderance of white minivans, black Acuras and tiny red pickups, the lattor being driven by the highest propportion of non-native Texans.
A few people said to me, "What the hell are you doin here," becuase they coud tell I was not invited. There was a guy tending bar at the partey and so i got some drinks.
The next thing I knew i was outside on Tom's little postege stamp sized patio crammed onto a loungechair making out with this girl i just met. Did you ever have too much too drink and as a result you mak out with somone you dont know. But you are not drunk enuogh to avoid thinking to yorself even while it is going on: Oh crap. This is pretty disgousting.