Walter Miller Homepage

July 96 Update

Page 2 of 4

Anyway when he plays Wolfenstein on my PC in DOS mode he always accodentally presses the START button on the Windows 95 keyboard. Then it brings up the Win 95 window in the middel of the DOS session and screws up his game. He gets so angrey he called 1-800 GATEWAY to complain. He screams at them that Windoews 95 sucks and that its now 1996 and he wants a free upgrade to Windows 96.

I kepp arguing with him theres no such thing as Windows 96. I told him its a product name like Olsmobbile Delta 88. He told me to go to hell. He hollars at the Gateway people and screams to be conected to the Gateway founder, 'Bill Gate.' Can you bellive it? What a horses ass.

START ME UP? I dont think so

Finally I saw how he dealt with the problem. I went to my computer and saw that the two Win 95 START buttons were MISSING from my keybaord. I said GRANFATHER WHERE ARE THEY? He shrugged and said I DONT KNOW.

He sounded like he had something in his mouth. Then I asked him again and then he opened his mouth at me an stuck his tounge out. One of the START keys was attached by suction to the tip of his tongue. It was in his reppulsive mouth an he was droolin. The other key from the keyboard was chewed up on the floor, brown with tobacco juice. He told me he took the keyes off so he could play Duk Nukkem and Wolf3D better. He made this ugly hiddeous grimmace with all these greasey creases in it--like i said prior, the man cannot physicolly smile in decades so what you get is this scraey grimace.

I wanted to kill him. The Roling Stone lyeric for this idiot isnt Start Me Up. Its 'Make A Grown Man Cry.' Especialy when he makes the grimmace. I much prefer the frown.

What an attractive man

When he makkes any type of facial expresion, Granfathers leathery skin quivvers and wrinkels up. Its frigtening. He also gets this sub-human orangey-brown tinge to it in the summer, with black grimey highlights and oozing blistery splits an cracks from facial boils, Mauna Loa-sized errupting adult zits, world-class Olympac-sized black heads, furry whitish yellow dribbling warty protrusions, pustulating crustey nodules, and other growths. All on his face.

Weanies, anyone?

The orangey-brown skin colour, textore and tone of his face are uniquelly identicol to the lunar surface of those miseroble hot dogs that are in the conveniance store display that rotates under the hot lights that no one buys and they sit there for several months goin around and around. I swear it.

Then theres the girlfreind.

Ah yes it alwayes takes a woman to make life complete. I told you about granfathers old Hoe wench. Well she often stays over the house. They stay up to all huors of the night playing cards, laighing, drinking, smoking and GOD KNOWES WHAT ELSE. I cant stommach being around when there GETTIN IT ON. I dont know if its from body slams or what but there are dents in the alumminum wall of our trailer near his bed. I have to leave the trailer when there in there and hide in one of the sheds even when its raining.

When I come back to sneak in the house he alwayes says to me things like: "Well, Walter its a sad life when your old granfather can get layed an you cant." Then they both laugh. The woman cackels with this hiddeous chicken-like laugh. Her voice is EXACTLY like the decomposing puppet in the Tailes From The Crypt show.

Yes and she smells too

In addition to B.O. like a man, shes VERY ugley: Shes about 55 or 60 and whiter than cottage cheese with clammey bumpy skin all over her body to match. She has about 75 double chins--so many chins, youd probley needs a friggin bookmark in order to find out the proper place for the flea coller. All over the face, neck an arms is a downey layer of faint whiskers. Theres wrinkley cleavege VERY low cut with black moles on her face that she acentuates with mascara. Its the whitest waffliest woman who ever lived.

Also she has hard packed on white makeup. Her hair is bright red and her lipstick an red arched eyebrows are very wide and painted on. She looks like friggin' Ronald MacDonald in drag. Or also the Joker from Batman.

CONTINUED: I didnt mean to do it...