Walter Miller Homepage

July 96 Update

Page 4 of 4


Finally i let him in an he wheeled in. Then he admitted it, yes, he was crackin open nuts with his ass. He said he learned how to do it in the 1950s in Jourez, Mexico. There was a man in a bar who was realy drunk and doing disgustiung things for laughs, and people were giving him money to do it. The guy in the bar was tellin everyone he could open beer bottels like that but just wasnt in the mood on that day. Someone offered $100 if anyone coud do it.

Granfather said he went home a few days later and started seeing how strong he was down there himself, so he could start makking money too. He tried to open a beer bottel but cut himself and gave it up. I rechecked the storey with my dad who was a kid at the time. He says he doesnt remember specifocally, but it DOES sound par for the old basterd at that time.

So he gave up his dream of bein the Man with the Magicol Ass that can open consumer package goods from Lattin America. But lately, all these years later granftaher told me that he gave it some thought and started it just a few weeks ago with nuts. He said it all began with peanuts which has shells that are much more softer and easier to get a grip on due to there shape if you know what I mean. He got good at it but kept the secret. YES - I ATE SOME SHELLED NUTS IN THE CANDEY DISH BY THE TV TABLE THE OTHER DAY.

All the peices started to come together. I remembered a few months ago during a meddical examination I heard from inside the examination room the doctor started screamin and granfather started laughing. Granfather told me the doctor put his finger up there and granfather squeazed real hard and hurt the doctor. I remember the doctor was cursing. Granfather broke his friggin index finger in 3 places.

Also he could never master beer bottels but can open 2-liter plastic pop bottles with no problem. He also said he could do any nut in the world ecxept a brazil nut. i thought of the peannuts by the TV table and then I ran to the tiolet again to vomit some more but there was nothing left and only had the dry heaves. Then i took my Mister Peanot doll from when I was a kid and puored gas on it and burned it in the yard. I had cherrished that thing.

DONT TELL ANYONE

Then granfather swore me to secrecy. He said he didnt want anyone to know--especialy anyone reading my web site. He said he was startin to make freinds on the internet and no one needed to know about this disgusting revolting pevversion of his. Also if the whoare girl friend found out she might dump him.

TOO BAD SUCKER

Thats what I told him. I said he was such a mean old basterd i would publish it anyway. This is what he gets for abbusing me. Then I said I would call all the relatives in California and the east Coast, and all over Texas and other places and tell them the URL. Also, I would get on www.switchboard.com and look up anyone with his same last name and send it to them too.

We had a big fight with lots of screamin and throwing things and I even stood up to him a little bit. Then he said HE would put up HIS OWN homepage that focussed on ME and MY abuse of HIM. (I called his bluff becuase he cant do HTML). Plus i disconected his modem and GRANFATHER IS NO LONGER USING PRODIGY OR THE INTERNET until his behhavior inproves and he uses a friggin nutcracker like the rest of humanity.

We have not spoken for six days. Atcually, hes spoken to me but Im giving him the TOTAL SILENT treatment. Its starting to bother him. Plaese stay tunned to updates to the Walter Miller home page because who knows what will happen next.

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You can send mail to me at: walter_miller@hotmail.com.