Walter Miller Homepage

June 96 Update

Page 2 of 4

Grampa gets Wired

Two other times i left him unattended while I was in a on-line session. Big misteak. Once the old basterd ordered two lazer printers--but I was able to cancel the orders in time. The other time I was away from my computer for about 15 minuts and had the screen minimized. But granfather was able to open up the screan and get on chat. When I rellized what was goin on I stopped him. Then I saw I had 143 Instant Chat messages. Granfather was claimin to be a lonley young woman 24 years old and blond LOOKIN FOR LOVE. The 143 messages were all from men in varrious stages of undress, probley all swetty an maybe even playin with themselves. A week later i was still gettin messages and rellized that he changed my Chat profile while he was in there--people still thought I was the fake woman. If any of these poor men knew who was on the other end they woud have killed themselves. STAY AWAY FROM DIRTY CHAT--THAT FREINDLY NAKAD LADY COULD ACTUALLY BE MY GRANFATHER.

Here Spot, Here spot

Once granfather had asked me whats the most poppular site on the whole Web. I said that The Spot was voted coolest site ever. So we went to the Spot an granfather was real disapointed at how slow the graphics are and how simple the dialog is. I told him that the people who do the Spot all got rich off it. He told me that my even my crappey web page with no pitcures is a million times better. Of course I knew that myself, but I was amazed that he would comploment me. This is a man who once called me a "Wussey" eighty times during one sixtey second TV commercial.

I dont know if i mentioned this but granfather can be ennormously stupid at times. Somhow he confused the Spot with Beverly Hills 90201. He watches the re-runs. You may remember that for one season Kelley, Donna and Valorey all live in a beach house. He thinks the Spot is the same beach house.

Granfather also thinks Valorie is the same person as Brenda--she is not, but each time he gets on the Spot he yells for me to "find Brenda" for him. The Spot did a girls pillow fight once an he was hopin to download a .GIF of her in her undorwear. (I found one for him of Brenda somewhere else on the Web). The only one he likes on the 90201 show is Steve, beccause Steve is a wise ass. He hates Dylan. (Granfather calls him "Fonzie"). But he PASIONATELY hates Branden. Other than Clinten, Judge Ito, gayes in the millitary and other select groups, the actor who plays Branden is the one who gets granfather screamin at the TV the very loudest. I think Brandon resembles a woman who rejected him early in his youth.

Granfathers Trip to Sears

I had a very embarassing thing happen the week before Memmorial Day. We took our semi-weekly trip to civvilization which included a visit to the Docter, the grocery store--and Sears. As is normally the case, he made a scene and we were asked to leave. But this time the craftey old monstor was able to shift the blame for the scene onto ME.

Sear's has this policy of taking back stuff thats ruined without a reciete, and if theres one person who takes advantage of it its my granfarter. The ritual begins with him scouring one of our barns for the oldest crappiest tools he can find. Sonetimes he will mangel up a curtain rod or somthing and say that it was an expensive presision tool or part of a hammer drill or something and demand a refund. Most of the time they tell him to go to hell (but nicely--it is Sears). Howwever, 2 times he was able to get a refund and 2 other times an ecxhange. (They gave him some useless crap from the Bump-And-Dent box that didnt even resemble the repplacement item he was hoping to screw them out of--I think they did it just to get rid of him.)

CONTINEUED:Why we go to Sears