Theres somthin to be said for consistencey...Or whattevor it is I do.
She has this anoying chirpy voice and she kept interruppting to add these stupid points and dumb butthole observattions. The whole class looked like they wantad to kill me.
Today's seminar was abbout Customar Service and you coud easily tell that it was geared to people working in retail, but somhow he tried to fit the seminar to pertain to us peopple who work in web developpment.
But we didnt get a chance to qiuz eachother because the Office Services Managor, (a real creep of a guy, who is realy no more than the head of the secreteries), barged in. He stood there with his hands on his hips to scream at us all because you are NOT suposed to have food in the conferrence room.
Then, my Boss's Boss's Boss, (who I have referred to before as The Lady Who Screams at Evereyone) started screamin back at him because the former-AT&T-re-tread-loser-liesure-suit -wearing-seminar-giver also hapenned to be HER freind too. This big loud fight went on till 2 PM until they all descided that they coudnt decide on nothin. What a frikin waste of a day.
But I had othor things to worrey about. Back home 150 miles away, Granfather was soon due to discovor my absence. So in the midst of the maylay I snuck out to make a phonecall.
I have a tendencey to get nervous and not comunnicate well while talkin about family problems (especialy Granfather related problems) but she got the gist of it. I asked if she coud perhaps drop by with some cherry cokes and mabye some cigars and beer to play cards with Granpy or ANEYTHING that woud lure him away from his post. I woud reinburce her for the cost of those items too.
I dont know what it is -- Granfather will make a scene of his very worst behavior in front of our neighbour Junior, but not Cathyann. I think he has respect for her or else enjoyes her company becuase she is always the life of the party. Mabye it is because she is not affraid of him.
Also I told her that her boyfreind Dwaine or DuWayne (or whatever the hell his name is) who works with her at the market as a bag boy (that is where they met as a mattor of fact) is also wellcome to come over as well as long as he does not drink so mutch beer that he falls asleep on the couch (like last time he came ovor) or that the two of them do NOT start smootchin it up all romanticaly on the couch in front of the old basterd because this will bothor Granfather allot being that he has no girlfreind at present. (Also it bothors ME a little. I do not know why but mabye for the same reasen.)
Cathy Ann seemed realy busy and a little pissed that I called her at work. But she did tell me they will go ovor to our trailor right after supper. She said "DONT WORREY WALT I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT ALL."
Cathyann is actualy one of the few peopple Granfather evor alowws at our house. This is because she is loud and fun. I geuss you coud call her a party girl. DuWayne is also alowed too but this is because he just sort of sits there not talking or doin nothin. I dont know if hes shy or what but alls he ever does is say 'Howdy' when he comes in and then he just sits there with his beer.
"IS THET UGLY-ASS YOU I'M LOOKIN' AT RIGHT NOW, OR THET BROTHER O'YORES?" he demmanded. (I do look a little bit like my brothor and I guess this was a naturol working conclusion of Granpy's tiny brain.)
Cathyann broke in and said YES it was me, and while her and DuWauyne held each side of the iron fence to restrain the old basterd they made him PROMISE not to hurt me. After a bunch of angry bloodcourdling screams, Granfather finaly calmed down. A few minutes lator he was squatted at the kitchon table finishing up a giant bag of some Stubbs barbeceu take-out (one of his favorites) that I had bought for him as a peace offoring. Finaly, his pompous pride subbsided enuogh for him to talk to me in a civil yet forked tounge.
"JEST TELL ME ONE THING," he grunted. "HOW'D YOU GIT OUT O'THET CLOSET, BOY?"
I told him I snuck out through the front when he dozed off. He then violantly threw a well-chewed barbeceu rib right at my face and also sputtoring allover me with food in his moulth as he screamed, "YOU LYING LITTLE WUSSY SUMBITCH!"
"I KNOWS ABOUT THE SECRET PASSAGE," he hollored like a savage annimal.
"I DONE USED TO HIDE IN THET THERE CLOSET FROM GRANNY MUSELF."
I do not like to be treatted this way especialy infront of my freinds and so I said to him in sort of a rude way, "If you alredy knew how i excaped then WHY BREAK MY BALLS ABBOUT IT."
I ran off to the bathroom to wash my face and I heard Granfather mutter to our guests, "Y'ALL THINK I'M A MONSTER.
"Y'ALL WOUDNT B'LEEVE HOW ORNERY MUH DEAD WIFE'D GIT NEAR HER WOMANLY TIME O'THE MONTH."
Cathyann started luaghing, which is somthing no one else ever woud of done. On the other hand, Granfather woud never of let anyone get away with laughhing either.
Full of horror and enbarassment as it dawned on me that a cement-parking-space-barrier-sized turd was right there for all to see, I bolted out of the bathroom to see six squares of linolium tile missing from the hallway floor where it used to be. This was extremly humilliating for me.
I went into my room to change my clothes when sudenly I discovored that one of my shoes was off. There on the floor of MY BEDROOM was six squares of linolium floor tile with the giant creation benneath it. Sunk two inches in was one of my shoes. When i treid to pull it out it was stuck in there like cemment. Granfather as you know is cappable of turnin his head conpletely behind himself like in the movie The Exorcist. I saw him do this thru the crack in my bedroom door, and as he swung the fence arround it knocked poor fatass DuWauyne backword on his butt.
"HOPE YOU DON'T MIND," Granfather called to me down the hall with his crinkoled mirthfull eyes.
"AS SOON AS I'D SEEN GUESTS PULL UP, I DONE DRUG 'LADY-CAROLINE - O - BRUNSWICK' INTO YOUR ROOM, BOY."
The 'creattions' that Granfather is the most proudest of allways get fancy lady's names. Some of my most horriffic childhood memories involve masses of biomatter which include "Elenor of Aquitaine" and "The Dutchess Of Windser".
I saw so danm pissed i thoght i was gonna scream. Insted I sat down on the bed and started cryin. Cathyann came into my room and put her arm arround me. She lit up a cigarate which is somthin i normolly dont allow in my room, but i have to tell you, the way it smelt in there already thanks to Lady Carroline, I woud of been happy to accept one of those Holoween prank papper bags of dog doo on fire right on my frikkin pillow.
As Granfather shrieked from the kitchen in cruel mocking glee that I was a big crybaby, Cathyann comforted me and told me that she had found somthing to distract the old basterd -- somthing that woud give him a sence of evil purpoce. Yes, somthing that coud posibly change his evil life: