Walter Miller's Hompage

"The attached metal clip is part of the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service's 'Tag and Release Program' and should not be removed..."
-- From a letter Granfather carreys on his person at airport metol detectors.

3/97 Update

Page 4 of 5

Grampy can take care of himself in prison where he may haveto go--but I fear losing HIM. Therell be docters on hand to massage his bony blue legs & lance boils off his ass. Hes ecxited about the latest isseu of Modern Maturity with Andreu Young onthe cover cause theres a article in there about all the good care eldorly felons get nowadays in the pokey.

But meanwhile my purpuse in life will diminish. i realy care about the stinky old vile beast & will miss him. Im a very needy persen. Plus i have those problems at work which ill get back to in a moment.


That night at 2am Im startled from deep sleep by a rancid putrid mustordy hotdog breath odor. I feel grampys leathory paw rub my face then slap me. Hes practocly kneelin on my chest shakin me. WAKE UP BOY! hes yellin.

I turn on the lihgt; theres the old bastord with his nose olmost touchin mine yappin for me to get the camcorder again. His sockets are virtualy awash in drippy mud. Yes: Mustord. Oh crap.

LOOKY HERE I GOT GULDENS SPICY BROWN COMIN OUT MUH LEFT EYE AN' FRENCH'S YELLER COMIN OUT MUH RIGHT. I was angry. I had to get up at 6am as this was my day to drive into work. But the ogre woudnt stop hollerin so i got up & taped him. The kitchon looked like a tornado hit it with empty containors & spatters of all sorts all over the friggin trailor. All night hed sent evory conceivoble fluid thru his eyes includin Benadine Iodine soap & even the danm liqiud from the lava lamp which he said was the olny thing that burned, as it contained carban tetracloride which is toxic as hell.

I coud no longor sleep

This woud be a awful day i knew it. I made coffe & tea then parked the old troll infront of the TV & put on his favrite Tim Conway tape. Minuts later as I sat quietly on the john tending my own bisness the door explods open without warning scaring the hell out of me; The wheelchair rolls in reverse at about 60 miles an huor into the bathroom and is stopped only by the wall behind me with a loud thud; in 1 split second hes also in a seated position directly beside me. He pats my knee, turns to face me very close and still with revolting mustard crust allover he deadpans in his best creepy errudite English acent: PARDON ME, DO YOU HAVE ANY GRAY PUOPON?

It WAS a awful day

The whole ride to my job I kept thinkin somthin bad woud happen both at home & work. On the one hand i want things to move along for me: I want to escape this trailor, get a girlfrend, & especialy get another career where I can relize my dream of bein the writer of books which define my Generation. Yes i can dare to dream it.

But also i dread separation & change. Part of its becuase I have low standords steming from low selfesteem. Plus I dont set goals. Also becuase i am a jerk.

I get a 7

The embarasment caused to my employer due to my famous Home Page (and also my other creation, the much celebratted Wedgie Page) are NOT THE ONLY reasons why Im havin so much troble on the job: My ass is mainly on the line because ive ben makin alot of work-related misteaks lately and they told me to SHIP UP OR SHAPE OUT.

That day when i arrive I had a Work Reveiw and I got a 7 which is "Modoratly Below Planned Aims" and this is a world record becuase the lowest anyone ever got before this was a 6. Pugsley, who is much more stupider than me just last month scored a 3 which is "Directly At Or Signifocantly Above Planned Aims" but he has a diforent boss. Plus he scored well cause hes a ass kisser.

Meanwhile Pugsly does NO WORK--he does nothin but surf the web all day. Hes a purvert. Theres a company rumor he was in the toilot stall one day makin weird noises. They say he was in there playin with himself.

I am of limmited talents

OK I get olny $6 an hour but its good honest work. Many people have ofered me other HTML jobs some payin up to $13 and im VERY greatful however Im not in a position to relocate as i haveto take care of Granfather. I extend my thanks to you all--howevor I AM lookin for a NEW LINE of work. And i dont mean "Line B" down at the unomploymant office.

YES, Many people who write me say the same thing: WALTER YOUR IN THE WRONG BUSINESS.

I want to be a profesoinol writer

Evryone tells me how much they like my writing and cant wait till the next update. I want to write books. Not just about the internet but also Mysterey, Comedy & Scienc Fiction. Mabye even Rommance.

NO MORE WEB PROGRAMING FOR ME. Ecxept for my own personol Home Page updates, Ive had it with this damn friggin HTML crap.

Cheap company Bastords