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Mid-March 97 Update

Page 4 of 6

This is how Valentimes Day ends: Late that night I hear a awful gurgling hacking from granfathers room. Soon it turns into that wet scratchy phony cappochino machene noise like in those comercials, but louder, and the noise isnt purpose.

Hes chokin

i have to go into granfathers room to help. I hate goin in granfathers room. Its creepy as hell. He has this gigantic pictore of Steve Case hangin up over his bed. Its the one with his deep penotrating eyes which boar a hole thru you: You know which one. Steve Case is his hero. The eyes on that damn thing follow me arround the friggin whole entire room stairing at me i swear to God.

The old bastords onthe floor chokin, hes very ridgid & stiff. By now the noise is like the irrigater the dentist uses stuck on the highest setting with somone usin it to suck pudding. Its a horoble noise, hes twitching an spazzoming and i see this obstrouction way at the back of his throat so I call 911 cause hes bleedin from his nose and butt also. They say over the phone GET THE OBSTRUCTON OUT so i get needelnose plyers from my PC repair kit but cant get a grip on the thing in his throat cause its smooth & tapors to a point.

Finaly I nab it an pull hard. I thoght it was a long peice of beef jerkey at first or a twig but there was very litle give to it and not till it was fully out did I reckonize it from earlior in the day when I first saw it back in the card shop of the mall, in the corner of the store with the discuont priced holoday stuff. It was one of those scary hard moulded resin very extremly exaggeratedly skinny emaciated sad Santa Clausas populor nowdays that are about an inch in diametor but very tall. This one was 21 danm inches long. Why the hell people buy these butt ugly things for there house is beyond me. On the base was a orenge stickor that said $14.99/TAKE 50% OFF!

The old larcenous beast shoplifted it. He stayed a night in the hospitol for obsorvation. It was only Febuary but even still the Outof Pocket Maximum For the Year on his medicol insurence was reached. Then we got a letter from them sayin theyd do all they coud to drop his ass from the policy for next year.

OK now Back to the present:

Sorry for rambling I go off on tangents alot. One of my probloms is Im very undisiplined. Ive mentoned granfathers fear of people stealin his worthless colections HE thinks are valuble. Like his pogs. One big shed is filled with only pogs--who the hell colects POGS anymore. Also hes now real serious with rusty farmtools, tractor wheels & plastic gas station cofee mugs. Then theres the danm Wacky Packs, piled to the barn roof. You get the idea.

For that reason & othors he hates guests. I am not aloud to have people over. Well I invited a geust last weekend but I planned NOT to tell the old bastord. He was suposed to be in Cancun with Hoe #1, but she bailed after finding out he cheated on her. So he asked Ho #2 to go instaed but she wont talk to him neither. He had nonrefundoble tickets.

My feelins are hurt

I said, you know granfather I COUD go with you. It woud be fun just the guys & it woud take time but Id pay back my fare. The old mean coot narowed his slitty yellow reptilian eyes at me & said very cold ID RUTHER GO ON VACATON WITH MARK RUSSEL AN' SHARE A BED WITH HIM AN' HIS GRAND PIANA.

That HURT cause he hates the sound of Mark Rusels singing voice so teribly worse than anything and once called the cable company demanding they cancel PBS and refund that part of his bill. They said YOU CANT CANCEL PBS its a regulor channel.

This Mark Rusell thing he has is incredoble. Granfather can tolorate the speakin voice but NOT the singing. The initial, perky litle introductery piano cadence makes him trembol sligtly, his lips quivor and pupils get big even if hes in a dead sleep. But when he opens his mouth to launch into a song abuot Whitewater or Ginrich he gets violant with thundoros screams of aggony, torturrous writhing, broken lamps, tongue gnawwing, busted blood vesels and giant pools of YOU DONT WANNA KNOW WHAT on the sofa and floor. Its like the lady a few years ago with the medicaly proven Mary Hart disese where she had a atack whenever she heard her voice.

My sisterinlaw and brother, (who, in that order, probly hate granfather more than any 2 people who ever lived), told the old bastord just to piss him off that they booked Mr. Russle to sing at his funoral. But I dont think they realy did.

Sceince project