Walter Millers Hompage

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Mid-March 97 Update

Page 6 of 6

The theory is this: The sceintist (who seemed very scared) thinks it may be the othor way around: That GRANFATHER may atcualy be controlin the WEB. We both glanced ovor at the monster who was watchin CNN and he turned to face us with an evil demon grin.

I told you he can make his head turn completly around. Thats what he was doin right now. His eyes, normolly piss yellow were brihgt lemony colored. I told the sciontist: I think you spend TOO MUCH TIME with him and HES controlin YOU. Or else you inhaled too much of his bodly odors in a enclosed space & its efectin your jugdement.

Granfather knew we were talkin about him and he held up the skinny scary Santa Cluas statue which for a month now is his constont companion. He pointed his gnarled fingor to the stateu's face & said to us: LOOKY HERE FELLERS. SEE OL' SANTY HERE? GO ON LOOK AT HIM! The old bastord claimed that from the side it exactly resembled an eldorly Bill Gates. And that if you put a bitmap of Gate's profile on some art software that smears & streches youd have THAT SANTA. And also if you looked at Santa head on, it was that creepy George Washinton with Nicolos Negrapontes face pasted on it they have on the last page of Wired Magozine.

Granfather hissed: THERE CONROLLIN' US. ITS MIND CONTROL I TELLYUH! Then he broke off into that cackly lauagh.

When the scientists were ready to leave the van woudnt start. Here are 3 extremely people who coudnt figoure out why.

Then Granfather grinned from the trailor window and stuck his tonge out and there at the end of it atached by suction was the shortest of the sparkplug wires. No one remembered him sneakin out to do this. But i live with him and he is like a sneaky furry invisoble lizard when he wants to be.

After they drove off he told me & Levi he loves to scare the hell out of those guys more than any money they coud ever pay him.

That nihgt when the old creature was fast asleep snoring like a circulor saw that needs oil we snuck into his room cause i wanted to show Levi somthin no one ever believes. I held a golfclub at arms lenth & slowly started strokin it behind Granfathers jaw (just below the venom sac). Sudenly his left leg twiched. Then i did it fastor, then VERY fast: The leg moved at the exact speed. I swear. Me & my brother discovored this as kids.

An hour later at 1 AM we are awoke by the sound of a modem conect in Granfathers room. The scientist told me he mihgt try to get on the web tonite and DONT LET HIM.

He gets violent

I said Granfather your NOT ALOUD ON THE WEB. He spat tobaco juice an threw a heavy paperwait at my head then tipped the PC monitor onthe floor. I got the ax handol and i asked Levi to please go get the "Granpa's Bad Boy" aparatus from the closet. (I describe Grampas Bad Boy in a prior update). I hooked it over his head but he foght us. His limbs are like the petrified monky paw in the Riply Belive it or Not Museum or else a skinny horoble bamboo backscratchor shaped like a hand you get in Chinatown--but hes STRONG as hell. So I get the stun rifle. When i came back in the room Levvi had the old beast prone onthe floor in a very smart way kneelin over him with the long evil Santa Cluas statue across his freakin neck.

I get the box of bunjees

You know those elasticated cords. We hog tied the old monster & wrapped him tihgt with Navy knots like the doctor showed me how. It took 11 bunjees. Plus 2 more where the "J" hook of each went in each nostril then got looped over his head and around his skinny evil wrists behind his back. He was going NO WHERE. He was as they say UNPLUGGED. But 2 hours later, hes...


At 3 AM Im awoke by music. I go in the beasts room. Hes still hogteid on the floor layin on his side with his ugly crusty nose atcualy touchin the PC screen which, too, is laying on its side. The keyboard is on the floor by his feet with the ENTER key popped off and his long pinky toenail dug into the dimple below it to press RETURN. And there in his disgusting dribley mouth was the mouse, gripped in his teeth where he bit down to click the buttons while it rested on his blackish blue slimy discusting tongue which he rolled around beneath the mouse to move the trackball.

He was surfin the danm web in one window, and downloadin a Win 95 utillity in the other with B.B. King wailin from the CD drive. Evil demonic monstrous maniacol Multitasking sonofobbich-bastord.

I threw the breakors off the fuse box just to get some danm sleep. A few hours later it was like nothin hapenned and we all sat at the table havin breakfast. I think we were talkin abuot web TV and also bandwitdh.

OK Ill end here. See you next time and be sure to check out the new Wedgie page update.

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