Walter Miller Hompage
Since 1995, Proud to be one of the things that scaires the hell out of peopple who dont use the Internet
July 97 Update
Page 2 of 7
I bring up the rashUnpleasent as it may be, i bruoght up to Granfather the incodent of his contracting a rash, (which you may alreadey know from reading my pryor updates), that he contracted from a womon of poor values in our town. In normal fammilies, usualy the older family member admonishes the younger on these matters but in OUR family the opossite is true. I told him it is awful that he chooses to do this and atleast THIS time he shoud protect himself. After all its a strangor for cryin outloud.
"I KNOW THAT, STUPID"Thats what granfather yelled at me and to qoute Forest Gump, 'Stupid is as Stupid DOES,' and dumb-ass stupid is what i saw a few hours later. Do you know those big ovorsize cofee cups they have on the NBC show FRIENDS. Well we have a set of them my stepmom got us around the holidays and there was one of them sittin on the floor of the trailor next to the stove and the old bastord was squattin over it. I said what ARE you doing.
"IM PROTECTIN MYSELF BOY" is what he said.
The 'Chee'Granfather is gettin into Eastern remedies. It all started when he found a website on Feng Shwee which is the Chinease belief that if you arrange stuff in your house a certian way then the Chee, or the spirits of good luck will be able to find there way around your house. Granfather even hired a contracter to move our trailor with a giant lift so it woud face 3 inches more in a northerley direction and it cost $1,800 just so the Chee coud find it better.
The way i see it if the Chee cant smell Granfathers ass from all the way in China then we dont got a whole lot of hope for good luck. And along with Feng Shwee, grandfather also read in the Newsgroups about other Chinese remedies and one of them is for male controception.
warning: This is slightley GrossId say the folowing parragraph has a rating of abuot 4 out of 10 on the Walter Miller's Homepage(R) Disgusting Granfather Descriptor Scale(tm) but anyway here goes: A penpal of Granfathers who ovbiously had time on his hands to yak it up with the old bastord in late night e-mail rathor than get his ass out of Hong Kong in time for the Comunists to take it over, wrote and told him that if you rub hot spices on your scroatum and soak your testocles in hot tea for an hour (I do NOT recommend this), it will raise the temoporature sufficient to sterolize a man for a few days. And there he was squatted on the linoluim floor, directly over the cup with his evil elbows pertched on his ugly knees and reading a copy of WIRED and humming at the top of his lungs with a cigaret clentched in his teeth the theme to Barrey White's instromental 'Love Unlimited Theme'.
Howevor 'Protection' means diferent things to different peopleGranfather is more concerned with fathoring a child rather than catching a comunnicoble sexaully transmitted disaese. (And frankly betwean the 2 Id choose for him to have the disease than face the prospect of another "juvenile subject" for today's sceintists to poke and prod.) In a future update i will write abbout the patternity suit Granfather is curently facing. YES a paternity suit. (Right now Im not alowed to talk about it cause litogation is pending, but i will in coming months)
"AN' ITS GOT TO BE A STRONG BLACK PEKOE, OR ANOTHER SORT OF MANLY TEA" the old bastord said to me, looking up from the magozine, knitting his boney brow and furrowwing his single unified eyebrow downword as he spoke. "NO FRAGRENT CELESTIEL SEASONNINGS. ...AND NO PISSYFRUITY HERBOLS. ...AN' NO FLOWORY SLEEPYTIME TEAS, AN' NO FAGGOTY DE-CAFS. Y'HEAR ME BOY?"
I now drink PostamJust lookin at him made me sick. I ran to the bathroom and duked my guts out. Granfather hollored back at me WHATSAMATTOR, BOY. NOT YOUR 'CUP OF TEA'? and then he cackoled on in that hideous screeching laugh of his. And thanks to him not only does coffee get me sick NOW TEA does too. Ill never drink it agian. I now drink this stuff called Postam. I think you can only get it in Texas cause i never saw it growin up in California, but I coud be wrong. I honestley dont know what the hell it is but its brown stuff you put hot wator in and dosent taste bad.
Stood UpWell anyway the woman Granpy was suposed to meet NEVER SHOWED and not only that he had even atcualy bathed for the occasion. Like I said, in late June I drove the beast to Austin. Its not like I took a speciel trip--I work from home as a telecommuter, but on Mondays and Thuorsdays I drive into the office near Austin to work on-site. (It used to be just Mondays, but I am screwing up allot on the job so they made it 2 days a week). While I returned home for 2 days of rellative bliss on Tuesday and Wendsday to feed the dogs, Granfather stayed in over in the city in his favvorite old flophouse.
Our tax dollors at playLike I said the the old chat room hoe never showed, but leave it to this man of low morols to have freinds in high places. He called up his 2 friends who are State Representotives and they went club hopping on a legislative expense acount. My opinnion of polliticiens was never high. These partculor men (not from our District) aparently dont have enuogh work to do, are ovbiously not very inteligent, and presummably dont mind being seen in public with someone who smells like somthing that freshley fell out of the ass of somthing that lived during the Cretaceous Era.
"Take The Bastord To Work" DayI was suposed to pick him up Thursday night after work for the ride home. But he took a taxi and showed up at my job instead uninvited and made a big fool of himself (and also of me) at a big CDA IS DEAD party we had June 26 because the Supreme Court overturned the Comunications Decency Act. Everyone wanted him to leave but no one was brave enuogh to tell him or even call the cops. Granfather knows this, from a pryor visit and knows just how to press peoples buttons.
Our resceptionist had once threatoned to quit if my hideous progennitor ever showed his ugly face there again, and good thing it was her day off cause I found out later she woud of quit too.