Walter Miller Homepage

OK i admit it: I am a big liar and an exaggorator and I am jeolous of others

July 97 Update

Page 6 of 7

But anyway alone in the conferenc room I began to worry and I started cursing to myself but no one coud see me or hear me. Then at 9:15 I went to take a leak and just out of curriousity passed by my workstation and the guy there who shares the cubicol with me who always usualy makes fun of me IGNORED me.

I am not on The Lan

Also I knew somthing was wrong when I coud not log into the network. I went to see the lan lady who is in charge of passwords and she is very vague and said come back after lunch becuase she was up to her ass in alligators because the servers had problems ovornight and they beeped her at home. So I went back to the conforence room and did more reinfourcements.

My boss doesnt get in till 10 usualy but he was there at 9:30 and said I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU and then I knew what was going to happen. I wont go into ugley detials but I had to sign a letter and then went to Personell to sign 2 more (one of them said that I coud use them as a job refference only if I never mentioned their name in my Home Page, or told anyone by e-mail who knew me ecxlusivly from Walter Miller's Home Page which company it was, and another form I signed said that I was never alloud to bring "Family Membors or guests" to the office if I ever returned for a sociel or a business visit-Gee I wondor WHO they coud of ben talking about when it said 'FAMILY' member).

And when I came back to my Boss's office all my personal stuff like my CDs and cofee cup and stuff on my cube walls like my Dilbert cartoons and picture of my folks and the womon I love were all emptied out and packed in a bag, plus they gave me one of the new T-shirts with the new logo on it, and also a mousepad

Atleast they are nice about it

Even thuogh I was a Temp they said they woud pay me for the whole week, provided I sent back all the company equitpment I had back in the trailor in this big postage paid UPS box they gave. Since I drove all the way in to work (Its almost 4 huors drive if you dont stop), they said I coud hang aruond till after lunch and watch TV in the cafetteria but I had to leave by 1 o'clock.

They said to me its NOT YOUR FAULT becuase they were phazing out all of the telecomuters like me, and then I said 'WHAT ABOUT (i cant mention her name but they call her Pineapple Head) WHO WORKS IN GRAHPICS? She still gets to tellocomute.' And they said to me DONT PUSH IT MR MILLER.

Now I have to tell The old Bastord

When I got home Granfather was in happy spirits. He was on the speakorphone with both his brothers (uncle Zeke and Uncle William) to harangue them and hoot and jeer making fun of them that the Supreme Court dissed the "Death With Dignity" Assissted suicide bill. He said to Uncle Zeke, "NOW THAT THEM COURTS DONE OVORTURNED THE DECENCEY LAW, MEBBE WALTER HERE KIN WRITE ABOUT THE ENCRUSTATIONS ON YOUR ASS, BIG BROTHOR, BEING YOUR THE REAL 'INDECENT' ONE IN THE FAMILY."

And then he folowed that statement with his trademarked bloodcuordoling evil cackling laugh.

Ive said this before: While he is gruff, old, and a little scary, and has a few asorted hairy moles here and there, Uncle Zeke isnt one half of one millointh of one percent as disgousting as Granfather is. (Plus I saw his ass once an it wasnt so horroble.) Also Uncle Zeke isnt witty like Granfather so he coudnt come up with a snappy retort. Except he directed the 'F' word at him which made granfathor luagh even harder.

I get Phsyicoly Ill

I went striaght to the barthroom and when I opened the door I got the suprize of my life. Granfathers old disgusting frghteningley ugly repulsive girlfreind was sittin on the john plopping away. She looked up at me with that scary grin of hers and seemed glad she scared the hell out of me. I said IM SORRY and also said I didnt know she woud be back so soon. She hollared back as I ran out that I shoud of known she was back, because I should of noticed the "obvious love bite I jest left on yer Granpap." There WAS a new gigantic hen's egg sized purplish pustule on the side of the old troll's head that I DID see when I first came in so I guess that was it.

All the culmination of the day (plus the smell of her AND him) got to me right there. Plus it was hot and i had the flu. I ran outside and yakked in the dirt in front of the trailor. I hosed down the yard and came back in, and there was Granfather lookin right at me, smiling with bald-faced evil, while he had that horroble lung tube of his comin up from inside his shirt and stuck into a long necked bottle of beer sittin on the table slourping it up with a wet scratchy noise, and said "YOU KNOW BOY, I LIKES MUH LAGERS, AND I LIKES MUH ALES, AND LIKES MUH DARKS AN' MUH STOUTS. BUT THERE AINT NOTHIN LIKE A SHARP BOHEMIEN PILSNER TO STRIP OFF THE BARK AN' MELT THE VARNISH OFF YER ASS ON A HOT DAY."

Granfather told me he coud drink most liquods from the tube ecxept Sunny 'D' which burns a little so he cuts it with teqiula and gin.

I tryed to tell him about my job.

I blourted it out but he said HUSH UP, because he had a big burp coming up with Uncle Williams name on it. Then he paused and unhitched his reptilian jaw just like a python does when ready to swalloew a baby goat and then bruoght up a belch that was so loud that Regis and Drive-By (two of our dogs outside) beggan to cry and whimpor. Then Granfather shreiked to his poor oldor brothers "HOW KIN I "DIE WITH DIGGNITY" WHEN I LIVE IN SUCH UNINHIBBOTED SQUALOROUS IN -DIGNITY, YOU OLD HIGH-STRUNGED FART?"

It was many years since I heard Granfather laugh so danm much.

By now the old girlfreind came out of the bathroom. There she was exactly the same as usual after her hospitol stay, ecxept her torpedo beehive hairstyle was now replaced by a shorter, more respectoble bulletproof Anne Landers looking doo. She was still uglier than sin, (even thuogh 'sin itself' was just in the next room), and as usual after leaving the restroom, her housedress was pulled high and bunched up behind her and stuffed into the back of her undorpants and a trail of toilet papper fluttered out from within and behind like trailing plumage. Then after Granfather concluded the phone call by inviting his one brother to jump off a bridge, and the other brothor to cordialy have relations with himself, he turned off the speakorphone.

Then i sat down at the kitchon table to tell them all about it. Of course I started cryin but not really allot because I knew I was goingto get canned anyway. I was there 2 years. Besides at least i have the Netly News job too and even though the pay is crappy its enuogh for my needs. Also I do that anonoymous advice to the Lovelourn writing.