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During his 2nd routine soaking in white vinegor I took the $84 he made begging an boght him cheap slacks, a blazer and shirt for the Cybor Media event. When i returned I Car-Vacked off of him the final crusty nodules, dead bugs and dried deelybobboly crap balls hangin from his long wiry body hairs. Finaly, to get that healthy orangey brown burnt hotdogskin patina on his leathory outer eppodermal husk I rubbed pure oil of Citronela into his cracked bumpy rhinocserouslike hide with a Chamie cloth and buffed it hard all during Threes Company till it was shiny and suppel. Pure Oil of Citranela is normaly toxic to humans as it contains halogenated hydrocarbons but is good for killing and repeling dermal invertobrates on non-human specomins like granfather. Also it kills worms and lice. Granfather cursed and screamed cause the Threes Conpamy we saw was one ofthe later ones with Don Knots instead of Mr Roper and the Suzane Somers replacment blonde.
After supper we made our apointed conforence call with my dad and his lawyor in Califonria and granfathers laywer in Texas. We agreed that if The Beast promised to behave that night Id take the iron ring off his nose, also the cardboard animal coller-cone which was now part of his regolur attire since the summer. During the phonecall Granfather was also forced to make one more consesscion:
The 2nd reason: WIRED has a right to print whatever they like but must realize certain imature famly membors maybe in the houshold and see things there not suposed to: Like the nakad blue lady on page 196. Its the closest thing tothe Green Lady from Lost in Space who HES NUTS ABOUT exept this one has no clothes on. (His love for that Green lady is proof hes a true alein.)
A few pages later theres a guy up to his neck in a mudhole (looking just like granfather when he wheeled in the cesspool that time) and just above him is a buttnakad lady on who you cant even see her butt cause the whole FRONT side of her is facin the camera. Theres lots of pitcures like this inthe Burning Man articol so now thanks to Wired im living with my own BURNING MAN whose now REAL WIRED.
Other than lungeing for some of the food they put out and grabbing free items and inaproprietley proppositioning a few women (one was a man he thuoght was a women) granfather was pretty cool. His big opening line was: IM THE MEAN OLD BASTERD FROM WALTERMILLERS HOMPAGE WATCH ME SPIT and I had to say NO GRANFATHER. The pridefull old simpleton thinks hes a celebrety. We were olny there at about 15 minites and his legs started to cramp up so i took him back to his motel.