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Post-election mid Nov 96 update

CONTINEUD: Granfathers Top 10 Least Favvorite Newscastors

Barbora Walters

BOY SHE WAS A REAL LOOKER BACK IN THE 70s AND STILL A TOMATO IN MY OPPINION says granfather. But its the speach inpediment that gets him. Granfather says she talks worse than i spell. It drives him up the wall plus he thinks she asks her intorviewees the stupadest ridiculuos qeustions imagonable. But then how did she get to be the first ever woman network news ancher?

Dan Rathor

Like Sam Doneldson granfather holds fellow Texan Rathor to a highor standord. Dans Texas accent is lathored on more thick in recent years to make him appeel to middle America but all it does is make his quirky clipped delivory more phony. Plus the dentures are slippin and by the time hes Cronkites age hell sound like Mushmouth from the Fat Albert cartoon.

Last month on our trip to New York granfather claimed he was wheeling down 57th and passes Rather and then hollors out to him in a bloodcordling scream: "KENNETH WHATS THE FREQEUNCY?" then when he turned around to look behind him white as a ghost granfather made a evil grin then luaghed his ass off.

Watch his hands when he talks: Poor Dan trys to be warm and loving even wearing that homey sweator somtimes but granfather says the phony soothing tone is the same as the sneaky doctor who while youre lookin the other way at the cute nurse hes secretly slipping onthe rubbor glove behind him and all of a suddon grabs your nuts without even saying first TURN YOUR HEAD AND COUGH.

Tom Brokauw

First of all the guy combs his hair with Extra Strenth Polygrip. Hes the Dick Clark of the anchers an passes himself off as almost a babyboomer but granfather says acording to World Almanac he was born around 1910 in Suoth Dakota which back then I think was known as Indien Territory or New Spain or mabye just plain "Unexplorred".

Brokaw always m-m-mmumbles and m-m-mmgrunts in cryptic spurts which are injected in his normol vellocity of speech like a backword mask LP record. (If you tape him and speed up the tape he says "Turn Me On Dead Man", and "Paul is dead" over and over).

And speakin of clipped vocal delivory you coud swear his micraphone poulsates on and off cause certain sylabells are just plain missing. ITS LIKE HAVIN JONNY MATHIS READ THE EVENIN NEWS GARDAMMIT says granfather.

Of cuorse there are others beside the top 10 an some of these folks are retired. Still in no speciel order is:

Granfathers random views on varius commontaters:

The End for now--see you next month After COMDEX.
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