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Mid Octobor 96 AUTUNM EXTRA Update
Page 2 of 6
What got him so madThere in the private conforence room they olny mentoined the word estrogen once but as you know its the only word granfather heard. The thouhgt of a woman hourmone is what set him off. But i think they sugested it only to countorbalance too much testostrone. He didnt take it well.
GROWIN ME A SET OF TITTIES AINT GONNA CALM ME DOWN NONE he kept barkin at us on the way home. And speakin of the ride home...
Lawsiuts come to roostThe latest atcion against the old subhuman atrocity is a salad-bar related lawsuit. Granfathers leagel bills are now close to exceeding his medicol expenses. A small eposode on the way home from the specialist has earned us yet another day in court. I cant mention the national chain of steakhuoses which is suing us now but i can say breifly what hapenned. I can also say that this incident is all my dads fualt cause me an my stepmom begged him not to stop on the freeway for lunch.
ONE TRIP PER PLATEThats the rule of the salad bar. Try tellin that to granfather. The old beast steadied himself along the tray track with his evil clawlike talons and when he saw somethin he wanted he just lunged for it face first and mouth agape. Just seein all the fresh food had him drooling an growling in antiscipatoin.
First it was the Texas cherry bombs you know those small round green an red peppers that he devuored in snarling snaps. A lady out in the parkin lot saw him throuh the window and she looked like she was gointo get sick.
Look Ma no handsLets try Look Ma NO MANNERS. Granfathers excuse was that he needed both hands on the railing at the same time which prevvented him from servin himself so he had no choice but to pitch headlong right into the food with no hands--just his snapping maw and cilia-studded nonhuman reticullated prehensile tongue.
Boy Dad was pissedMy father told the old geezer if he didnt change his behavour RIGHT NOW thered be no whisky when he got home and also NO SUSAN POWTER on cable for a week STARTING TONIHGT.
Granfather told him to go to hell. He barelled along and picked up the whole containor of immitation bacon bits with his teeth and then he cocked his head up to the cieling which upended the container so evry last crumb slid in his mouth an it made a giant crinkly lump in his gullet on its way down his throat. Then he made the most amazing immitation bacen bit burp you coud imagine. It smelled like tire dump on fire.
It came thru the WormholeThe people who worked there warned him to CALM DOWN POP. When granfathers entire head went in the blue cheeze dressing pot they called the store managor. The old basterds head got stuck an we thoght he was choking.
But sudennly he pulled his head out covered with the blue an white veiny lumpy muck and very reminiscent I might say of the Jem Haddar from Star Treck Deepspace 9. Especialy as the thorney boils on his chin were now coated in a milkey hue. In real life as you know the Jem Haddar woud actualy banish granfather cause his pearsonality is too savage.
We are bannished tooAs granfather contineud to gorge himself like a starving JemHaddar on "The White", the store manager said in no unceartain terms that for us to get our asses the hell out of there THIS INSTANT. Granfather decides to start a scene. You coud see the wheels of evil turn in his mind as he tryed to think of an excuse. Finnaly he bloodcourdlingly screamed at the guy:
THERES TOO MUCH GOLDANG SODIUM AND M.S.G. IN THIS DANM FOOD AN I AINT PAYIN FER IT.
Then he hollered at him they didnt have enuogh of the tiny corncobs and plus hed read on the Newsgroups and the Web too that the company had a roach problem. He pushed the manager aside and plunged his head deep in the cheddor cheese soup and next the nocho sauce which I think was both the same stuff if you ask me.
Aloud Sucking noiseBy now me dad an the store mannager yelled at granfather to QUIT IT but he was so deep in the orange gummy paste it covored his ears. And with his head in the soup toureen I finally heard 'That Loud Sucking noise' that your supossed to be able to hear in Texas that Ross Perot is always talkin about. But it wasnt jobs bein sucked down.
Uh-OH! Keep him AWAY from THAT Pot!