It ain't "Value Add" unless it loads fast.
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We were watchin Merlin, the mini-series and i made a horroble misteak while mixin up Granfather's Metamucil. The old bastord recentley switched from the Regulor Formula to Sugor-Free. With the Regulor Formmula, you are suposed to mix one tablespoon of the orange powdor in a glass of water, (or, in Granfather's case, tequilla or whisky). But with the Sugor free powdor, you only need a teaspoon.
Well, I realy scruwed up bad. Becuase I mixed a tablespoon of it instead of a teaspoon and i didnt swirl it arround enough in the whiskey. Then I wasnt paying atention and I forgot that I was using a tabblespoon: I thohgt I was using a teaspoon. I am aware that three teaspoons equol one tabolspoon, and so I put in two more tablespoons, (still thinking it was a teaspoon: Like I said I am a jerk.) This extra powder I did not swirl in the liqiud at all, and so it stayed dry and grainy.
Now it gets worce. Then I got up to answor the phone and when I came back I had forgot that I had alreaddy put some in, and so I put in two more tabblespoons.
I have problems paying atention and this was a bad exampol of it. A giant ball of dry powdored fiber lodged in Granfathers throaght and then it swelled up, (swelling even into his rudementery gills), and he started choking. His voice got very high and raspey. Meanwhile me and Uncle Zeke thoght that alls Granfather was doing was makking fun of Queen Mab's weird raspey voice while Martin Short was gettin it on with Helena Bonhom Carter, (and everryone in my familly knows that you are NOT to bothor Granfather when he is busy watchin sexy scenes on the TV).
"WHAT A UNLIKELY COUPLE TO BE SMOOCHIN' IT UP," said the old coot in a hoarse grating way.
"WHO'S NEXT FER A WEIRD SEXY SCENE ON NBC? MERYL STREEP AN' PEE WEE HERMAN? LAUREN BACALL AN' JIMMIE 'J.J.' WALKER?
I had to drive him to the hospitol becuase as you know the ambulance refuses to come to our house anymore. Meanwhile my Uncle kept insisting that Granfather was only "puttin on an act."
I know i do complaine abbout him alot, but he IS my Granfather, and yes i still love him. Despite our abbusive rellationship.
While they flushed out the bastord's gullet Uncle Zeke pops his head in and says "I knows you wuz choking, little brother. I didnt alert the boy. Instead i done left you to die."
"TELL IT TO THE HAND, ZEKEY," Granfather replied, weakley holdin up his palm. Then he beckoned me close to whispor in his smelley dog breath in my face, "I'M JEST GLAD I DIDN'T DIE WEARIN' SOMTHIN' FROM THE VICTORIA SECRET CATALOG."
"THET THAR COUNTY CLERK WOULD O'MADE DANM SURE IT O'GOT ALL IN THE NEWSPAPERS."
A few minuttes later, Granfather was chatting politeley to the E.R. nurse tellin her that the blouse he was wearin came in other neat colors like Spearmint and Tangerine and it was on sale for onley $9.99 with next-day shipping.
"YOU KNOW WHUT A CHEAP-ASS SKIN-FLINT SUMBITCH I AM, BOY."
"I JEST CAIN'T DAGNAB BELIEVE I DONE SPENT DOUBLE THE PRICE O'MY PURTY LADY'S COTTON TOP FER THEM BOGUS RUBBER TOILET COINS."
I said, "Nothing is wrong." Then he said that I had my purposely sad "Please pity the little puppy dog" face on. (I hate when he says that).
Well i told him. He got so pissed. He said to me, "Its 7 Oclock and most people are home now, so why shoud there be a party?" Also he told me that I was NOT leaving Netly, I just woudnt be "on site" anymore.
And then I said, "Yeah, but Im on-site RIGHT NOW." And then he got even MORE pissed and said that this was only becuase I kept screwwing up while transmiting my colunm, and had to come in to submit it in person.
He promised me that when i finaly did lose my job he woud make sure I got a nice going away party and that also I coud have his own personal "I Survived the 3Q '97 Re-Org" T-shirt, even if I didnt survive thruogh '98.
I got home at allmost 11 PM, and then had to get up earley at 5 AM Wendsday morning to go back to the same office park to start the second week of my new job: The new job at 'Cyberblop.'
This was the day I got set up with my new workstattion. I geuss when your job is traded to anothor company for a lan server, you cant be supprized at what kind of computer you get. I will not tell you how old this thing is but I beleive it is the world's first Pentuim. I dont know what year it came out but Im supprized it dosent have fintails on it like an old Caddillac.