Universally unappealling across all market segments.
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It is a long ride, and if you get rush huor traffic and construction delays it can take allmost 4 hours. I am bored during the drive because the radio is busted and so somtines I eat candy. I was eating Jolly Ranchers and as you know if you bite down too hard they can stick to your teeth. Well my danm jaws were cemented closed and I strouggled too hard to free them and I forced too hard so I got a really bad charley horse in that muscle that I cant think of the name of it, but it is under your tounge. Ive had charly horse in my leg but never in my jaw. It hurt like bloody hell and i felt it with my hand and it was swolled the size of a plum.
I allmost got sidewipped by a truck cause i coudnt pay atention to the road. The Jolly Ranchors were watermellon flavor. Never again, withuot a Designated Driver.
Granfather was in rare form when I got home. Madison, Ripke and Blankenship, the three crypto zoologists were still there, having slept the night in their research van parked in the yard, and were still somwhat in a state of trauma. (Those arent their real names, but that is what I like to call them.)
Madison was now cursing and spitting and kicking a cottonwood stump and Ripke was shiverring under a blanket screamming "MOMMY!" while the othor guy who is normaly the most seasoned and subdued and is suposed to be the one in charge was layin sprawled in the clay dust tryin to fit the shotgun in his moulth and his big toe into the trigger; (I always hide the ammo when they are comming over).
I said to them, "Had enuogh yet, guys?" Granfather was hapilly sitting there on the porch landing conpletly buck nakad, with his scraggly furry and wiry hairy carcass covored with majic marker scrawls that they must of put on him during the day, watchin Wheel Of Fortune on the small portable TV set on his lap while screaming with that same limp and unlit cigar in his moulth, "YER OUT OF VOWELS: SOLVE THE DANM PUZZLE, SHERLOCK!"
I got the garden hose and spreyed all three of the scientists to snap them out of their trauma and told Blankenship (the one in charge) that if they coudnt handle themselfves they ought to either committ their efforts to studying regular normal creatuores like rabid gorillas, or mabye bigfoot, or else return the govorment grant money they'd received to study Granfather. Because if he grosses them out too much then all it is is a waste of evereyone's time. I know I was a little haughtey but I'd had a realy bad day. Plus my jaw still hurt.
Well in this e-mail my brothor now tells me somthing that he forgot to tell me on the phone. It was probly not true, and it was probly kind of mean. (You must undorstand that while me and my dad are kind of shy and quiet my brothor is kind of a wiseass and in that respect he has a little bit of Granfather's saddistic sense of humor.)
I used to get along with my brothor and sisterin Law but lately theres been strife. I have problems too: i am too sensittive. And so I let the insult go. Yet onley one thing remainned that was a mysterey to me: What did Cathy have to do with my stepmothor? Oh well i woud find out later.
Madison, one of the crypotzoologists told me that they woud consider what I told them earlior, about deciding that their research of Granfather has hit a dead end. He also told me that he had had this same convorsation with my Dad not long ago. One the one hand, examining the old freakshow spectacle was a unique experience but on the other it coud be so revolting it coud make you vomit. For exampol, Granfather has also been eating wierd things during his 'peculior time' like clay and library paste, and also that steel plumber's routing snake he was tryin to pass thruogh his gristly body was 48 feet long and a whole 30 feet of it was now INSIDE THE BASTORD.
"WILL YOU FELLERS PLEASE NAME A DISEASE AFTER ME? MEBBE A FATAL DISEASE? PLEASE? PURTY PLEASE?" he kept askin them. Why cant these stupid scientists just admit that he is a danm alien or an unexplained monstrosity or a demon come to life on earth and then just be done with it?