From: Walter Miller
Date: Wed, 21 Aug 1996 10:02:44, -0500
Subject: a Horroble Mistake
Dear Mr. xxxxx,
I beleive you have been the victim of freud. The person whos defreuded you has pretended to be me. He is not me: I AM ME.
Yes it was my granfather. He was missin for a few huors last night and had took the car again. Please believe me he is a master of disgiuse and can also be articullate and even errudite in social situatons and not blow his cover (or expectorrate food at the table). Once again hes intercepted my e-mail an answered your call an met with you. The gristly sneaky old basterd.
Last night about midnight he returned, drivin all over the road, and its a dirt road the whole way up to where we live from the highway. He was smashed with whiskey an said he pretended he was ME an was braggin he was interveiwed with Time magazine. Good thing he didnt hit no one with the car and i hope you didnt give him any whisky and instead he got it from the package store becuase then Time would have been be liabble.
The old monster had crustey dried barbeque suace all over his hiddeous face and said that he had drove to an "undisclosed loccation" to meet a reporter. He knows the press is biased and that you will clean him up for the story. In any event SOMEON ELSE had to clean up the old beast becuase there was bits of gristle, chewey lookin sinew and stringey overcooked barbeqeu meat and dried spattored sauce all over him. I said DID YOU FALL IN THE DANM BARBECEU PIT OR WHAT? I had to give him the once over with the friggin Car Vac before Id let him back in the trailor. Also a toothbruch and nailpollish remover. It doesnt hurt his skin.
Anyway thanks for entertainin him he had a great time and enjoyed bein with you and the food was very good. Also he wants you to introdduce him to some women WHO YOU KNOW ARE HIS TYPE. His pockets was full of matches and mints from the retstuarant. Also he coudnt tell you his, (MY), or rather Walter Millers favvorite food. It is a tie betwean Wendy burgers and Stove Top. Thanks agian-- he dosnt get out much the misseroble old basterd.
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