These are some stories I once wrote for a book I was going to title "Stupid Shit I've Done" but no one wanted to publish them so I decided screw it, I'll just post 'em out here for the entire world to read gratis. It woulda been nice to get paid for 'em but I guess that isn't gonna happen. Oh well . . maybe if I wrote better stories . . . Still, I'm pretty happy with these and I hope you enjoy them, too. The general premiss of pretty much everything I write is the same: "Freak fucks up but gets out of it all relatively unscathed." These are all true stories. They break down like this:
Basic Training (Manliness & Heat Cramps) Our hero Dave finds himself in the Navy. Many exciting characters, especially Conroy.
Cows Are Following Me Dave hitch-hikes through Texas to see his buddy and talks to himself a lot.
Twenty Two Tons Of Dog Food Just a couple days after his run-in with the cows, Dave is back on the road again, this time with near disasterous results.
Serial # 09030293 A few years later Dave actually has a job (!) and gets to have some fun.
Other stuff . . .
Of Hearts and Hockey Sticks Before I was a freak I was a LITTLE KID and here's a real short, two-page story about one particular Christmas present I got back in 1969. Amazingly this story doesn't contain a single drug or alcohol reference anywhere in it! Wow!!
Remember, DO NOT infer, deduce, or otherwise speculate upon the real identities of any person or persons depicted in these stories or in any of the drivel contained on this website. All the names have been changed to protect everyone involved; you don't know them, they don't know you, don't go trying to figure out who's who so you can mock them or abuse them or in any way give them grief. They've suffered enough, they've had to deal with me in their lives, so just leave 'em alone. Besides, for all you know I made everything up! Thanks.
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Dave's Brain. All rights reserved.
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