Walter Miller's Home Page

Very Belated Mid-May 1997 Update page

Hooray my URL is up again.

Editor's Note: When i wrote the update that follows below, my whole website had been DOWN.

At least this one eppisode of my misorable life had a happy ending. Even thuogh my Prodigy URL was fixed--(and I then later, in October 1997 moved my site off Progidy onto Geocities)--I will keep this update up as an historricol document for posterity.

(Im grateful to Prodigy for fixing my page. Much of the shrillness in the originol update has been toned down. Please forgive me for being so pre-occoupied with myself and my problems and also my place in history. Its immatoure. I know.)

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You know folks I always thuoght when Id finally get thrown off the Internet it woud be because of something i said, something i did, the advent of a totalitarien govorment, or instanntaneous death by asphixiation due to irrepporrable biochemicol burns to the mucal membraines of my innor lungs as the result to being in the close proximitty to one of granfather's bodily functions. (Lately his breath can melt lead, and his farts can strip the white colour right off of cooked rice. I swear.)

But no. I disapeared due to a administratve error.

What a houmiliating thing to happen. The best way i can describe the involuntery loss of your URL is to parraphraise one of Granfathers favvorite politicol quotes, one from Senator Strom Thurmund who once said back in the 1940s: 'I feel like ive just been raped at 12noon in Macy's window.'

This administrative error was NOT my fault: Its the fault of my ISP.

My old URL is not working and i am out on my ass.

Needless to say my life has ben turned upsidedown by these events. Many thanks to Bob, a freind of mine who is alowwing me to share disk space with his acount in order to host my pages.

This Mid May 1997 update is coming to you in the first few days of June. There will probbly be ONLY ONE update for the month of june. This is becuase Ive been ovorwhelmed with scramboling arround trying to get things done that I havent had time for much writing cause Ive ben tryin to rectify this problem. The whole thing has been a big blow to my selfesteem too.

Theres so much work to do

Over the next few weeks I have to re-code and reload all 200 or so of my pages cause their now built in a diferent tool. Also, I was getting abbout a thousand first-time visitors per day, and many of these began reading my updates in order, (my updates began in Janaury 1996)--so for those readers, its as if they are reading a novel and all of a sudden when their halfway thruogh, they drop it down the toilet or somthing. And they cant go to a librarey to get another one. For those poor readers, i must lovingley and eventualy restore ALL my pryor updates.

Walter Miller's Home Page; A Great Work of Art

You know folks, Granfather was once pursued on foot in the early 1960s by the Swiss Guard, who are known bettor as the police of the Vattican in Rome, and if they didnt have those baggy pantaloons to slow them down they surely would of snagged his boney ass and the world would of been a better place for his rotting away somewhere in an Italian prison for all this time. It seems the old bastord made one of his famous giant farts that was so profuondley awful that it broke a few stianed glass windows and also caused two thirds of an entire angel from the ceiling of the Sistine Chapol to peel and flake off right there onto the heads of some Belgian tuorists. Now in a way it was sort of good that this hapenned becuase funding was soon secured afterwords to restore that great work of art.

Just like that ceiling, my work is a great mastorpiece and it must be restored with the same care, pixol by pixel, byte by btye.

Then there are the pubblications.

Here is what REALY makes me feel like a jerk: There are hundreds of websites, periodicols and even a few books printed with my old URL in them. Now i look stupider than ever because that URL doesnt work anymore. Yes, a wise man once said 'The Crappiest Content is content that you cant get to." So I have to write to all of these places and ask them to change to my new URL. And i have to write personal e-mails so they dont look like spam. Also i must re-submit my sites to the seartch engines--(and I always have this funny feeling the search engines all think Im sort of a horse's ass aneyway--I dont knoew why but i do)

i tell you Theres nothing more houmiliating than having to contact people to tell them your URL is changed.

Its sort of like the pilgrims in Masachusetts in the olden days being locked into the stocks so their nieghbors can throw corn cobs and rancid ale at them. Its sort of exatcly like being forced by a judge to do communnity service and then having the mothor of the girl you want to ask out see you on the freeway in the orange vest pickin up garbage. Please dont ask me why I know ecxacty what that feels like.

I am also asking my fans to please also book mark my Netly News Page. If this ISP acount disapears for me, and the URL of my homepage moves once again, I promise to anounce my new home either somwhere in my weekly Netly article or in the comment window on the bottom of the Netley page.

The world is cruel place. Our elected oficials are all crooks. My family is dysfunctionnal and abbusive--but YOU, all you strangors on the internet--YOUR my TRUE famly. I have a strong, conpulsive, coddependent concern for all of you and I WONT LEAVE YOU HANGING.

And please also note:

I am now havving a 10-day lag in e-mail. If you write to me, you may have to wait that long till I respond. But I WILL respond because i like to answeor ALL of my mail. Please bare with me in this difocult time of my life; (so far its lasted 20 years).

Life always cheats you

Yes folks as you know from my last update (and it seems like eons ago) that I have now obtained unsurpased power over Granfather. I was given, by granfathers oldor brothers, the revvelation of a great family secret, the knowlege of "That with the name which is not spokon", also known as Granfathers Greatest (and only) fear. The old bastord is supernaturolly evil and fears nothin--except this: Animal that he is, he fears the vacuume cleaner.

So you woud think that this woud be a turning point in my miseroble life. Think again.

Satorday May 17, 1997: a day that will live in imfamy