Bruoght to you by Walter Miller Home Page(TM) Productions(R)
A Wedgeographicol Tour: 'Hike' across the USA and salute each Region's Wedgies

Our wedgioggraphy contineus with


The 'California Melvin'


Great story!

I've linked it to my site, specifically the "Culture, Sub- & Counter Culture" links page:


Keep it flowing. The spelling is perfect. If you publish, please don't change a word.

When I was in school (NW San Fernando Valley, California, late 60s - early 70s) we called wedgies Melvins. A wedgie in the front was called a Herbie, and the ultimate double humilitation (usually executed by two or more tormentors) was dubbed a Wilbur.

Thanks for being there for us all.

Mr. L., Calif.

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Dear Mr. L,

Thanks for your immencely kind note and also the link. Wedgies truely are a sub cultoure as they run so pervasively deep beneatth such a wide varriety of so many othor cultures. (As well as deep up our asses).

So, you find nothin wrong with my spelling! I see that you too are a product of the California Pubblic Schooles.

As you know I hate getting all wedgies, but if faced with the sitauation by force, I woud gladly choose ten Melvins rather than one Herby or Wilbor. Oh Crap!!

Your freind,
Walter Miller

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Have you ever heard of the Rocky Mountain High wedgie? Ah, its only a fantasy! I am a native Coloradan, who is very annoyed that our state is being over run with rich visitors. My father owns a service station in a ski area so I see them all the time.

My fantasy is to get bunjee cords and hang an endless string of rich fur and Goretex wearing tourists dandling by their asses going up a ski lift off into the horizon. I hate them all because its the only industry around here. I wish they all were GONE!

F. in Colo.

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Dear F.,

Thanks for your note.

Perhaps one day your fantasey will come true, and aftor you get through with them, they will all "vote with their asses" and leave. Of cuorse since theres no other industry, there will be no more wegies to give. Also, no one to sell gas to. Sureley though you coud survive by catchin squrrils with those bunjees.

Your freind,
Walter Miller

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Dear Walter,

Utah clearly has a greater variety of wedgies than any place in the USA, and that includes melting pots like L.A. and New York. Why? You hit the nail on the head in your last Wedgie Page update, Walter. Its because of the travels of Mormon missionaries.

Many young adults spend one year in missionary work before college. Some of the assigments are in remote places! What do you think happens when they get there? They are the target of the world's best wedgies. What do you think happens when they go back to Utah? They use these wedgies on their little brothers and sisters....I know!! Then in the schoolyard, those kids use them on each other...I know this too!!

So you see, the Utah Wedgie has one "dark side" but many ugly faces.

K. in Provo, U.

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Dear K.,

Thanks for your note.

Yes all wegdies have a 'dark side.' I apreciate your note.

Also, (I speak serriously now): Please tell your troops to stay away from our place. Granfather is extremly ill tempored toword visitors. (Its nothin personol agianst your religon--he just hates visitors). One poor gentolmen caller a few years back (who Granfather THOUGHT was a Mormen, but it was somone from the Democratic Partey) got more than a Wedgie in his ass: He got some buckshot in it that the doctor had to take out with tweezors.

Your freind,
Walter Miller

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Aloha, Walt!

sorry if i spell as bad as you!!!

In northern Oahu were i grew up, evry Thursday at school was Kill Haole Day. Haole is a white persen. sorry i know your white, nothing personel!! My specielty was giving wedgies. One kid we used to call Poi Boy and im sure you know why. I made some good wedgies in my day. but only if that day was thursday!!!!

Mr. M. in Hawaii

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Dear Mr. M.

Thank you for your enlightenning if not distourbing slice of wedgie Americanna. Im glad to see youve outgrown this. Remmember: We may be diferrent colors on the outside but our wedgies are all the same color. (Well, USUALY the same color--I heard that out in Hawaii peopple put ham and pineapple in their chili. So who the hell knows WHAT color those wegdies are).

Your freind,
Walter Miller

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Next to The SOUTHEAST U.S.