Randomly typed by sweatshop chimps chained to keyboards.
Page 12 of 39
"NOW, BOY," said Granfather, turning his devil eyes toword me, "WHAR IS THAT NICE LEMONY SODY POP DRINK MAH DEAR BROTHER LIKES?"
Ohmigod. Id forgotton to get the Zima from Cathyann. Danm. I shoud never of trusted her to bring it over.
Zeke scowled suspiciousley. "Whut the heck is goin' on here?"
Junior interupted, "Gee Grampy you shore is bein' nice to Mr. Zeke."
Granfather screamed, "SHUT YER DANM MOUTH JUNIOR.
B'FORE I RENDER YER LARDY-ASS CARCASS DOWN INTO SOME NEW AGE CANDLES, AN' SELL YOU OFF TO THE HALLMARK STORE."
The old basterd then hopped over to me like a limping rabid wallaby. He was pissed at me cause I forgot the Zima. Uncle Zeke never knowingly took alchohol in his life and the smallest ammount indeed knocked him out on his big flat butt. But Zeke has, and will, drink Zima. Granfather stared hard and unblinking in my eyes.
"I...I forgot the Zima, messed up," I stammored.
"WAAL, YOU BETTER GIT IT BY TOMORROW," he growled. Granfather threttened to do the same thing he just thretenned Junior for and also allot of other unspeakoble things involving a prickley pear plant, some powor tools and my ass.
I went in my room to check my email. My life is a whole lot of highs and lows. Usually lows but here was a high: In my email there was not one, but TWO mesages from my beloved former counselor NiNi. OK, they werent directly adressed to me, but were part of a distrobution list. One email was about some bogus virus scare, the othor about some bogus rumored plan to tax the internet. Clearly these were the signs of someone just learning to get on the Internet.
"HOW MANY TOES DO YOU SEE HERE, MADISON? HOW MANY TOES YOU DUMBASS!"
Madison hollored back, "Ten, eleven or twelve, It dosent matter! You take the dosage anyway!"
It seems that Granfather was takin some very costly meddicine that was suposed to be used only by herbiverous ungulates. An ungulate is an animal like a horse, cow (and I think also a pig and elephent but I am not sure) but this particulor medicine Gramps was taking was made strictly for a very large ungulate, specifically a rhinoserous.
There are even-toed ungullates and those with an odd numbor of toes. Since Granfather has eleven toes, (5 on one foot, 6 on the othor), he was fighting with Madison about the dosage.
Granfather also lost his medicine, and it cost allot. Madison, in turn, blamed Granfather for purpossely losing the medicine out of spite.
Interrestingly, (if you happen to find these things of interest), while Granfather is a carniverous predator that is biologgically related to primates, insects, funguses, canines and reptiles, he is NOT an ungulate. However he craps like an herbivorrous pachyderm which includes elephents and maybe even rhinos so that is why Madison gave this type of medicine to him.
It was indeed an akward mystery as to where the missing medicine was. But I had othor problems to deal with. Mainly my JOB.
So the next day I took my sweet time gettin into work and rolled in at 9:30 which is more than an hour late. (I tell you I realy dont care. The way they treat me, they canot blame me if I start to get a bad attittudde.
In any case I marched straite into the office of the Vice President of Human Resources to file an officiol complaint.