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The Humilliatingly LATE Update covering Aogust, September and Octobor 2000

Page 26 of 39


The morning just flew by

Yes, soon I woud be FREE of this dump. Later that day I treid to have a queit lunch with Stu so we coud talk about our trip that night, but of cource Tilde saw us there and decided to sit down with us. I was unconfortable the whole time, what with Junior's wee sloshin arround on my belly like a bag of milk.

"So, thank you Stuart for bringing my car back," she said. She was ignorring me and it bugged the crap out of me. I said to her, "Why did you have to send Granfather that danm filmclip of me?"

She told me that she was only tryin to help. "I'm developing psychic abillities you know," Tilde said, blinking her beady toadeyed face at me. "You see, I KNEW I woud cause you harm. And even still, in my emotional weakness, I injected myself in your life. Oh, dear, I am so sorry."

I am as bad and as weak as her

Like a jerk, I imediatly said, "Well, dont tell no one but I have a job offer from TechnoDigiMeriCom(R)." I coud not believe how stupid I was to do this. Stu put his head down and seemed to be pissed. I imediatly said to Tilde, (not in a very nice voice) please do not blab this to anyone.

The loud bleating voice of Cathyann boomed behind me, "Walter you suck!" and then she actually slapped me on the head.

"Tilde here is only trying to help. It's YOU whut's selfish!," Cathyann scolded.

"She is always blabbing!" I said, and then Cathyann slapped me in the head agian and said, "Well she only does it cause she means well! Its the THOUGHT whut counts."

An unconfortable lunch

Stu was pissed at me, Cathyann was pissed at me, and I was pissed at Tilde. I was REALY pissed at Myself.

For a queit shy guy I sure do have a big mouth

I guess my website is proof of that. The Sienfeld Crew as Cathyann calls it was surely a bit dysfunctionol right now. What shoud of been a happy time for me was strained. Cathyann kept rambolling on like a know it all.

"You know that ol' employee shirt Duwayne swiped from TechnoDigiMeriCom(R) that I done GAVE your sorry ass as a gift from the bottom of my heart? Well, they done got a teeny weeny li' ol CHIP sewn in the logo whuts embroidered right thar on the left titty. Momma says that old chip is the Mark of the Beast."

"I said to her, "Cathyann, please try to keep it down! I havent given my notice yet!" But she ignoared me. With her big loudvoice Cathyann kept askin questions like, "How much them Borgs gonna pay you?," and, "You gonna tell ol' Peaches off before you leave?

"Come on Walter: we're FRIENDS, us four. Tell me, Or else I'll just git louder and louder! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

I kept tryin to calm her down but she was in a happy, yet mocking and hostill mood. I felt obligated to answor her questions. Meanwhile Stu warned Tilde NOT to tell anyone that I was leaving.

"Tilde, you just have to hold out a few more hours," Stu told her. She repleid, fretting and wringing her stout little hands,"Oh dear! Im so weak! I cant keep a secret! I just want to HELP!"

Cathyann had a bug up her ass about somthing. She kept on bothoring the hell out of me. And also yammering on and on. Somhow (probly from TILDE, dammit!) she found out I had a date with NiNi, my former counselor. Well, we woud be having lunch togethor, so maybe I wasnt yet sure it was a DATE-Date, but even still Cathyann had to make all sort of rude comments.

"So, Wally: Does she know about your OTHER true love? The badge reader? BWAHAHAHA!"

Even Stu smiled at this but treid to supress it. When we looked up, there was that damn Tilde, about 20 feet away tapping some man on the sholder who was standing in line buying food. Pointing at me, I saw her froggy lips mouth out the words, "That young man just got a job offor from TechnoDigiMeriCom(R) ..."

I was parralyzed with rage, but coud not move a muscle. Stu sprang up and his short little ham hocks trotted toward Tilde as fast as he coud. With his arm locked into Tilde's, he dragged her away, back to the table.

"Oh dear," she whimpored, "I just cant help myself! Its because I want to help others you know, which is a noble thing, I suppose."

Stu whispored to me, "Hang in there, Walter, it was only the guy who fixes the copier. He dosnt know you."

The rest of the day was a blur. I treid to get my work done but it was hard. Junior's sample clung to my stomoch. It was hot, sweatty, and and the most revolting feeling you can imagine. Junoir is a nice guy and all but his bodily fluid was now sloshing all around me like a waterbed just a tiny fraction of a milimeter from my skin. The only reasen why I was doing it is because I will pay any price, and endure any houmilliation to avoid being futher abused at this awful job, but more than that, to no longer have to live a life of horror with GRANFATHER.

My job stinks to the end

This California trip is the only reasen why I didnt just walk out on these clowns. It had to happen that, today, that mean, fat basterd Barry was using my workstattion because his PC crashed. He was in my cubicol, and I was in his cube, which is so revolting and disgousting. He always sneezes and the screen and keyboard is allways covored with snot and spatter. Also Barry likes to pick his nose, and then wipe it on the fabric of the cubicol walls. It was dreid all over in awful crusty streaks, but the worst of all was was the knowlege that he was doing the same in MY CUBE RIGHT NOW.

My stomock was killing me

I took the Metamucil like Madison told me to. Then I called Madison, and he told me to RELAX and give the medicine a chance to work: Soon enuogh I woud bare fruit. While we were talking my brothor picked up the phone and started hollering at me. Why he was at Granfather's house I did not know, but he told me that both Uncle Will and Uncle Zeke were deathley ill, and one woud probly die tonite and the other in the next day or so. He tried to convince me not to leave to go to LA. He said I was a selfish pig and that the familly needed me, and also our Dad and stepmom were flying in from the Bay area to attend the funerols

I was so torn. Life is for the living, dammit.

This was my last chance. I did not want to end up like George Bailey in Its a Wonderful Life allways giving up my dreams for my danm family. Which come to think of it, being married to Donna Reed and living in a nice big Victorian house and not havin to use Windows 95 at work never seemed to be such a bad deal to me.)

My last day of work ends with...