Why. WHY is it still here?
Page 15 of 26
This particulor lawsuit has to do with a collection of bumper stickers that Uncle Zeke claims belongs to him. There are 15 thousand bumpor stickers in the collection and they are carefully cattaloged in a number of large three ring binders that take up half of one of the toolsheds on Uncle Zeke's farm on the east Coast in Delaware. He claim Granfather snuck in on a trip back East and stole a few valuable ones.
I tell you the whole colection is totally worthless. But Zeke says its worth in the six figures. Yeah right, what a bunch of crap. But even still, Granfather had no right to take the valuable ones out. Even if he did. Granfather at fierst denied taking them, but then admitted he might of took one or two, but only because Zeke traded them to him. Who the hell knows. I am kind of leaning toword Zeke on this one. After all, Granfather is the one with an extensive arrest and prison record. Zeke has a record too, but all his infractions are rellated to fights with Granfather.
What Granfather did was steal valuable bumper stickors, like:
I LIKE IKEand also
GENERAL MAC ARTHUR...and left all the common low value ones like:
FOR PRESIDENT IN '52
DON'T MESS WITH TEXASas well as:
MY KARMA JUST RANand also the classic,
OVER YOUR DOGMA
WATCH FOR FINGER
This cherry picking of Zeke's bumper stickor collection is just the latest example of Granfather ripping people off. WHAT ELSE IS NEW: THE OLD BASTORD RIPS EVERYONE OFF.
Other theories suggest that Granfather was the offspring of an extraterrestrial father, (surely the dumbest one on the flying saucer he flew in on), a real Homer Simpson of an alien so stupid he didnt even know the diference between a human woman and a crocodile and so that is who the dumbass abducted and mated with.
(By the way I was out in one of Granfather's sheds not long ago browsing his colection of old soggy books. The old basterd has a big thick unabrigded copy of "Roger Ebert's 1988 Movie Guide" -- and within the whole book, the only movie awarded "NO STARS" by the portly amiable reveiwer was the 1982 film "The Beast Within.")
And, the old basterd has nevor thrown anything away in his life. He's even saved every beer can, pop bottle, steyrofoam meat tray, grocery bag and every peice of junkmail he ever had. Also books, newspappers, magazines, and cardbord boxes.
Plus he colects carpet remnants, old Hefty bags, and oddsize cutout pieces of sheetrock wallboard and wood paneling, (in case he ever needs a peice of carpet or wall to be repaired in that exact size).
He has old sofa chairs and matresses too. It all sits outside and gets soggy and rancid in the rain.
The Great Pog crash of '94 has not diminished his zeal for colecting the small cardboard pog disks. Also he has enough Beany Babies to supply Bangladesh with beans for a year.
Howevor, do you remembor about 2 years ago there was a system outage on eBay? The real reason was an avalanche of "Negative Feedback" directed at Granfather that was so great it crashed the freakin servers.
"YEEE-HAW!", I sudenly heard Granfather scream, after finishing up his phonecall with his fiance, "I AM OFFICIALLY DIS - ENGAGED!"
I heard his bare monkeypaw feet pad down the hall, and the old basterd swung open my door. The closest thing to a smile was on his face. As you know Granfather is incapoble of smiling. He even frowns when he laughs. But the feeling of freedom's thrill on his face did show allot of crusty fangs and gums. The closest thing to a smile that Granfather has sort of looks like a rabid hyena strouggling furiously to loosen some stringy warthog meat from painfuly being stuck between his teeth.
"AH DONE BROKE UP. AH'M A FREE MAN!," he crowed. I asked him how his fiance took it.
"SHE DIDN'T TAKE IT WELL. BUT AH' DON'T CARE. I LIKE BEIN' A HEART BREAKER."
You are sick!" I said to him. He hollored back, "I AIN'T SICK, BWAH. WHAT I AM IS A MEAN SUMBITCH. AN' DON'T YOU FERGIT IT."