Walter Miller Hompage

Im not makin this stuff up folks

4-97 Update

Page 8 of 8


Granfather and Uncle Zeke ecxhange stiff pleasantries and we get in his car.

We know Granfathor affectonatly as "the old bastord." But since his evil childhood, as his brothers are over 10 years older and big & strapping while he is scrawny, they never called him by his true name: He is always refered to in the 3rd person as simply 'The Young bastard' and is always adressed directly as "You Little Basterd."

We discuss uncomfortble topics

As usual one of the first things Uncle Zeke mentons is my failed marrage and responsbilties. Also he gives me a lecture about my Dad. Uncle Zeke doesnt like Dad because Dad changed our last name years ago to disasociate himself from Granfather. My uncles are bachelors and theres no one to carry on the family name.

Even though Granfather is Zeke's halfbrother (diferent fathers) they do share the same lastname (dont ask me why).

There are many deep dark secrets in our famly

I dont even wantto know them all. And to say that Granfather is of qeustonable parentage is an undorstatement to begin with: The best sceintists cant even figore out what friggin species he is.

My uncle is distant and gruff but unlike granfather is atleast normal enuogh to go out in public or have a convorsation with. While he shares the same frighteningly gaunt emaciated Doctor Kavorkien-like features he isnt repulsive like granfather is. Or disgusting. But Uncle Zeke does always have this thing stickin out of his nose its ben there since I was a kid. I dont know if its a hair, i dont know if its a booger, i dont know what the hell it is. It looks like a peice of Rice A Rony. Well anyway he says to me in the car about how Granfather told him that Im "involved with the Internet."

And then Uncle Zeke muttored in this Mr. Know-It-All tone somthing like how I am such an "impresionable young man" and I shoudnt go gettin involved in some cult where they (these are his exact words): "Cut themselfs up and drink poison Kool aid like them other folks involved with the Internet did." It was a unecesary thing to say and bittorly hurt my feelings. I am tired of people who dont know a danm thing about the Internet tellin me what a weird place it is.

I said to Uncle Zeke a bit more rude than I shoud of: "Its hard to beleive today, but there were alredy ALOT of weird people in this world BEFORE the Internet came out, letme tell you."

Later on I apolagized for my disrespectful tone. My uncle did loan me money once and also payed some of my debt outright for me so i shoudnt complain.

At the hospitol

Uncle Zek had warned Granfather NOT to coment on Uncle Wiliams apearance from the illness. And also, DO NOT under any circomstantses discuss politics.

As soon as I saw my poor uncle in the bed i started cryin cause he looked so old an sick. But the first thing granfather says is DANM WILLY YER LOOKIN WURSE THAN THE MIRACLE-GRO GUY.

Uncle Wiliam whos quite ornory and mean himself whispors back, just barely loud enuogh to hear Why dontya kiss my ass and Granfather says, (in a perfect Bob Dole voice) WHY DONT YOU, BOB DOLE, AND THE DO-NOTHING CONGRESS MAKE ME? (Granfather is a Democrat an his brothers are Repoblicans and theyve ben fighting for years onthe issue.)

Fisticufs

Uncle Zeke angriley says some harsh things to Granfather because in the first minute he talked about the 2 things Uncle Zeke told him NOT to talk abuout.

Granfather starts screamin extremly obscene things to Uncle Zeke, who hollers back and and the next thing you know he leaps from the wheelchair growling and snarling onto Uncle Zekes chest with his nails & teeth slashing while Uncle Zeke lunges back pummoling him and I tried to break it up with nurse.

They fight dirty in Granfathers famly so your eyes and balls are always under attack; Uncle Will managed to rasp out "Snap his danm neck Zeke, you know the spot."

When the scuffle ended all over the floor there was snot, blood, piss and lots of black scragley hairs and a couple of teeth plates too and the nurse tells Granfather to BEHAVE or LEAVE. She says Uncle William is expected to expire at anytime. He coud even pass away by sun-up. This night may be the VERY LAST TIME all 3 brothors will have togethor.

How to spend this precoius time

You woud think they woud take these precius few hours to patch the wounds between them & talk about old times--but instead it turns out all 3 have somthing in common: During the week, theyve all been watchin the same TV show and badly do not want to miss the next eppisode. So they descide all 3 to spend the time to sit in silence to watch the show together.

Shaka zulu

Granfather even told me on the plane YOUR FRIGGIN UNCLE BETTOR NOT DIE DURIN THE ZULU PROGRAM. Its hard to understand the actors acents so the volume was on high. I coud tell Gramps was tryin to inpress his oldor brothers cause he kept makin coments he thoght were inteligent like 'MY, THAT'S WONDORFUL CINOMOTOGRAPHY', and also 'WHAT A DELITEFUL CULTORAL TELEVISON EVENT'.

Both his brothors said "Shut up an dont talk till the comerciel: YOU LITTLE BASTORD."

Granfather is banned from hospital grounds

Uncle Willam didnt die that night. As of this writing he is still lingoring but later that evening Granfather was banned from the area by hospittal security. He is accused of wandering down into the childrens ward and helping himself to Eastor Baskets that were meant for sick kids. It was never proved but all the telltail signs were there: All the black jellibeans gone; All the ears and ass nubs bitten off the choclate bunnies; all the frosty pink and yellow surfeces neatly sheared off the marshmellow peeps; empty shells of Cadbory eggs (still in there foil wraps) but with all the goopy insides sucked out. Each one had the Mark of the Old Bastord.

You haveto wait til the next update to find out more.

END OF THIS UPDATE

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