Walter Miller's Homepage

"A person who publishes a book appears willfully in public with his pants down."
-- Edna St. Vincent Millay

Mid-April 1997 Update

Page 3 of 5


Between swallows and belches Granfather tells me to watch lookout to tell him just when Zeke woud exit the restroom. When Uncle Zeke comes out I tell granfather STOP NOW HES COMING.

My uncle sees whats goingon and hears me tip off the old bastord and when he comes over to the table he talks harshly to me and also is blaming me for encuoraging my granfather's behavior just for laughs.

I said "NO, UNCLE, HE THREATENED ME" and my uncle doesnt belive it and he lectures me real angrolly.

I was NOT encuoraging him

...but my uncle says YES I WAS. He told me that as much as Granfather is evil he is equaly mentally ill and then he told me to stop lying (because I always WAS a big lier and exagerator), and for once to admit the truth: I WAS ENCURAGING GRANFATHER.

Granfather chimes in with his voice quavvering like he is almost about to cry (but ovbiously faking), and tells Uncle Zeke that I always put him up to public spectacle and because he is old and weak he cant controle himself. He tearfuly tells my uncle that im always humilaiting him in public.

Granfathor is not necesarily FOR me or AGIANST his brother--he just hates everyone and wants to whip up problems, discord and argeuments. Lying sonofabbichbastord.

This time he BELIVES Granfather

Uncle Zeke is big, tall old and scary as hell but not repulsive as granfather but he has this scary voice exactly like one of the evil talking trees in the Wizord of Oz and when he is loud he coud be very intimnidating. My uncle demanded I STOP LYEING AND APOLOGIZE. I started cryin. I am always unconfortable around my family members cause so many of them (especialy on Granfathers side of the family) are either gruff and mean or diabolicol and disgusting and these are the poeple I have to be with. So I finaly give in. I oppologize for somthing I DID NOT DO only becuase I want peace.

We were within walkin distence of the motel, less than a mile. On the way back my Uncle said to me that i was a 'disgraice to the family' and insisted on walkin 20 feet ahead of us. By now, granfather was fake weeping and made me carry him back cause he said his legs were now hurting. He was weeping real loud now but under his breath snikering and laughing and makin fun of me beciuase i am so weak and needy. He is an evil sadistic bastord.

A bunch of people nearby were feedin bread to these big geese and granfather starts howling louder than a banshee in this quavering Kathorine Hepurn voice:
"NOR-man, NOR-or-or-man, Look Norman, The LOONS are back, the LO-O-ONS!"
Granfather can imitate Katharine Hebpurn so perfectly he coud probly fool Spensor Tracy. Ecxept just then it just wasnt funny.

Brickbats and fisticufs

Once we get in the room again I plop Granfather into the wheelchair and him and his brother start argueing once more about how to split up Uncle Williams colectibles after his death. They both start yellin and screamin at each other. Uncle Zeke stoops over and hollers right in Granfathers face waggin his crooked index fingor at him. This is NOT smart becuase Uncle Zeke is missin the tip of his ring finger cause back when he was about 25 and granfather was 15 they had a horroble fight and granps bit it clean off. Granfather reaches in his shirt to pull out the lung tube and points it right at his brother and i coud tell by the look on his face he was goingto force stuff out of it like he did to the guy on the plane. Uncle Zeke pinches the tube shut between his thumb and forfinger until granps turns blue and sort of sneezes this whole awful peice of pot roast that was almost still all whole out of his nose right in poor uncle Zeke's face. It looked just like the scene in Jourassic Park when the guy who plays Newman on Seinfeld gets poison spit on him by the small hopping yellow dinosuar.

We are a family with probloms

Othor times over the years granfather once stabbed uncle William with a knife and Uncle William shot granfather in the leg with a pistol and also granfather once shot Uncle Zeke with a shotgun right in his big flat tall ass. I saw the scar. We are a dysfuntoinol family.

We are asked to leave the motel

While the peice of grey pot roast was still stuck to his cheek like a nicotine patch, Uncle Zeke picked up a big brass lamp and bruoght the base of it down extremly hard right onto Granfathers monkeylike crainium. Granfather springs from the whelchair into the air and lands on his chest, and he digs his claws deep into him, while he also sinks his teeth into my uncles neck and his pharniyx and bites down hard making this awful crackin noise under the skin like when you bust open the back of a lobstor. The 2 men beat the crap out of eachother equaly for a while while i try to break them up. My uncle is atleast twice the size of Granfather, maybe six foot 5 and very musculor for an old guy and he picks up the old bastord, holds him over his head like a profesionol wrestler and pushes him upword and mashes Granfathers face right into the ceiling of the motel room that was full of all these sharp pointy stucco tips--it must of hurt like hell. There is a knock at the door and the manager comes in to say THATS IT we all have 5 minutes to pack and get the hell out of there.

The 2 men calm down breathing heavoly and say they will stop. The manager is from one of the Asian countreis and is hard to understand but he says TOO LATE FOR THAT: Its 5 minuts or hell call the highway patrol. Then the manager leaves.

Atempted Murder

Granfather growls and declares out loud that 5 minutes is fine with him, hes going to kill Uncle Zeke and it shoud take less than 5 minuts and good thing were in Marylond and not Viginia cause hes pretty sure Maryland dosnt have the death penaltey. He springs up and atacks him like an animal and once more bites his larinyx very hard.

My uncles knees buckle and he colapses. Then like a rabid jackal or a demented hyena Granfather slithers backward on his belly growling like a savage animol with his twitching, almost prone prey clasped in his bloodthirstey jaws slinking on his elbows to the bathroom and once inside grasps his older brothor by the ears and dunks his head in the toilet as he strattles the bowl squatting over it with his knees grasping the porcelan rim and poor Uncle Zeke is thrasching like crazy cause he cant get out. The old bastord is drowning him. I get the travel iron and hit Granfather about 7 or 8 times on his head as hard as i coud till he is dizzy and ungrasps him. Uncle Zeke tuombles onto the floor on his back gasping.

They just cleaned the room while we were out and plastored wet to my Uncles forehead making him look like one of those kamakazi guys is the paper ribbon that reads SANOTIZED FOR YOUR CONVENEINCE. They may of just cleaned the room but now it was one big giant friggin mess.

Miroaculously they calm down