Two oposing armies. Lined up faccing each other on the board, ready to do battle. In our home, a flawed moral rellativity means there is no black and white--only shades of brown: One army is Light Puce, the other is a sort of Babystool mahogany. Plus the detailles and colors are Oh-So-Lifelike. Forget about the gold-platted Collector's Edition Monopolly set (althogh you may that choccolate editoin they made might come to mind)
The King: The old basterd himself. The Puce-coloured King is sittin in a wheelchair that really rolls. Pinch his head an the tobbaco jiuce shoots from his moulth. The Brown king is on the "throne" ready for action. Squeaze this one's head and--Um, yeah, you get the idea.
The Qeueen: Puce Queen: Granfathers current main squeeze. Cast from authentic rejjected molds during development of a never-used Jaba The Hut's mother charactor. Brown queen: My now-deceased granmother, compleat with hornes, tail an pitchfork, (which are her most probable current acessories). What a frightening woman. She was so evel that next to HER, granfather looks like the cute litle kid in the Jerry McGuire movie.
Castles: The atcual castle we live in--granfathers trailor, complete with parking lights that blink (batteries not included).
Bishops: The 4 of them are the Sherrif, Granfathers doctor (notice the pissed off face), his animal behavoiral specialist, and medical anomoly scientist. Each are holding a weapon.
Horses: Granfathers attack dogs--miserable emmaciated vegeteble-diet only canines.
Pauns: No, not little versions of WALTER holdin a bedpan as a sheild--All 8 are difforent! (Our choice only, based on suppley). Each represents a creature found here at the sprawling Miller compound:
Granfather's Select(R) Brand Pestocide!
55-gallen drum, Just $49.95 ppd.
Problems with pesky fire ants, earwiggs, scorpions, killer bees? Give 'em a little schpritz of Granfather's Select(R) Brand Pestocide, and watch the little basterds convulse their way in agony to bug heaven.
Yes, you cant beat Granfather's Select(R). Made from 100% tobacco juice spit out dailey all over our trailor walls and floor, then collected and aged 3 days in large plastic pails. This 100% ALL NATOURAL flouid includes a ammazing mixtore of venom from rudimentory venom sacs located under his ears, plus granfather's natural bodily secretions of sulphur, methel bromide, benzine, and heavey metals, all combined in a delightfol, lemon scented hallogenated aromattic chloronated petroleum solution.
Kills not just bugs but ALL carbon-based life forms ON CONTACT. No other pestocide has as many elements from the bottom of Peroidic Chart as Granfather's Select(R). Get it NOW before the EPA bannes it. Offor void where prohiboted
Copyright 1997, Walter Miller. E:mail- firstname.lastname@example.org