Walter Miller Homepage

Resistance agianst stupidity is indeed futile, but sombody has to do it.

Mid-Decembor 1997 Update

Page 1 of 6


Geuss where i am writting from right NOW!!!

Yes belive it or not I am in the beutiful Westside of NewYork City for the whole week atending Internet World. The Netly News (my curent enployer) agreed to expence a trip in for me from where i telecomute in Texas. They needed somone to do some booth set-up and also be the gofer to run back to the Netly office to get stuff as needed, cause its only, like 20 blocks from the Conventon Center. Plus, some of the more senior writors who were roaming the floor, well i had to fetch lunch for them. (And also all those free t-shirts and gagdets from the varrious booths as you coud imagine). On a brihgt profesionol note the Netly News let me write the lead frontpage story reporting on Internet World on Wendsday the 10th.

But it was not all fun & games.

Part of the deal for them expensing me in was that I had to stay in the office to answor the phone for half of each day while most evoryone else was at the show, and watch the servers in case they crashed, (which if they did, it woud of probly been my fault aneyway.)

I am sorry this was such short notice as to let my readors know I was there at Internet World, but as you know I am a very shy person. I am mutch more interresting over the internet than i am in persen. Plus, Netly realy didnt want to make a big deal out of my being there. In fact I ovorheard someone who works there saying, (quite unneccessarily, in light of my personal and familly problems), that if they wanted a danm sideshow at their booth they woud of set up Granfather in a cage and charged a dollar a peek.

I immagine also that they are planning to fire me. I dont know why, but I just do.

I will write more abbout Internet World and my trip lator in this Update.

Also, do you remembor i wrote about that company who was interrested in producing animated cartoons about my life? Well i finaly met with the main content producor guy from that company, becuase they too were at Internet world, and one night we went out to supper to talk BISINESS.

Boy was he shocked to meet me!

When i showed up at his booth he said to me "I CANT BELIVE YOU REALY EXIST!!" I said well of COURCE i exist. There are, howevor, rumours to the effect that I do NOT realy exist. I gentley explained to him that,--DUH!--you CANNOT belive everything you read on the internet.

He told me that he thoght "Walter Miller" was really some sort of collabborative group of bi-coastal bad boy juornolists who are famous in real life. Well, I showed him my danm plane ticket from Texas with my name on it as proof. (Why is it no one thinks aneything good can come out of the middle of the countrey? Considor the sucess of young Mr. Dell.)

So, (once agian!) for the record, (and let me try to adress all the rumors here Ive heard thus far all at once):

I AM A REAL PERSON. NO, I AM ME.

OK, having said that, I will write more about that meeting with the cartoon guy in a bit.

Ooops! I forgot: One more:

Now, then. Before I write about what hapenned at Interet World, I will first write about what went on back home in Texas that led up to my trip.

How i was able to go

As you know i am suposed to stay home at our trailer and take care of Granfather--especialy since his disgousting little 'acident' involving the drain of a fiborglass bath basin and a certian irascible part of his anatomy, (which, for your morbid informattion, remains at this writing still verry much in a state of confined incarcerration.)

In case you havent been reading my updates, abuot a month ago one of Granfather's testicles got coght in the drain of a hot tub out in our yard durin a hot epson salt bath which he regulorly takes for huge boils on his ass.

Because he wants to sue the hot tub manufactorer, my hideous progenitor declined all our eforts to free him. The old bastord insted insisted on remaining in his position of testiculor ensconcement, maintaining the sequestered gonad in its place in hopes of being wheeled into the courtroom during his product liabilitty trial as a living spectocle of human stupidity as well as consumor victimhood. Theres a foam pillow in there with him for his friggin head.

I tell my folks about my trip

My dad who lives in California said "absollutley under no circomstances" was i alowed to leave Granfather in his condition while i went across the countrey. Even if it was work-rellated! Its not like you can just lock the old SonOffobich in the laundry room with a 24-hour feeder: Granfather is a dangor to himself, to society, and by pryor agreement with my debtors and also the legal courts, my duties first and fourmost are as personol homecare provider for the ancient bastord.

A loud memmorable fight

Dad and me got into one of those horroble fights where you yell and scream at each othor over the phone, (and where you stay on the phone forevor and dont get off, even thuogh your throaght is all dry so that you need somthing to drink and you have to go to the bathroom.)

But you stay on aneyway, and you say all these awful things to one anothor that both of you know you dont mean, yet will take years to forget, and you are hollering hoarsely and cryin at the same time. Also you bring up allot of bad things from the past that you thought that sureley by now the othor person woud of forgot. But they didnt.

Only around the holidays does this level of heartbraeking type of marathon phone fights evor seem to happan and lately they occur with savings of up to 50% on calls ovor 20 minitts by dialing one, the area code, and then ten, three-two-one.

The regulor babysitter bails