Walter Miller's Homepage

The oposite of hype

May update 1999 (yes i know its July)

Page 2 of 8


A few nights aftor Granfather got sepparated from the grout my freind Cathy Ann came over. We were watchin the seasen finale of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Cathy Ann is a girl from town. She has a boyfreind. But we are good freinds and she gives me allot of advice. She is a girl and she is a freind but she is NOT my "girlfreind."

It was not just the seasen finale but the end of the whole Deepspace 9 series. Anyway the danm thing dragged on, like, for two hours. Before you know it, me and her sort of got cuddly on the couch which somtimes hapenns when you have a couch like ours thats lopsided from the foam seats being worn and they sort of collapse in the middol, and two of the three peoplle are trying to get away from the third persen on the couch, who hapens to be Granfather.

Why i did not push her away at first

I am kindof a needy person. It is enbarassing. I dont know how to explain it. But in any case I did not push her away when she was gettin cuddly with me. At least not at first. Immagine going for months or even years on end where no one even touches you. No i am not a pervert and what I am talking about is a true human need thats not limitted to needy people like myself, but think about it, the only one who evor actualy touches me is my stepmom who lives in California who hugs me when she sees me. (The men do not hug or touch in our familly. Oh, oops, how coud I forget, I do get some sort of semi-human contact because Granfather hits me somtimes).

In any case, Cathyann is also sort of a large girl and when she presses agianst me I dont always push her away. Except mabye if she realy hapens to be sweaty. Well anyway for som reason whenever she drinks beer she gets a little amorous. She likes to wear tube tops and her bare arm does feel wet after a long time. OK, I was gettin sick of it, a little. Just at the part of the series Finale of Deepspace Nine when Odo disapears by waving goodbye wearring the tuxedo and sinking feet first into the cesspool of drippy brownish yellow alein goop, Cathyann was kindof grabbing me where she shoudnt of.

"Please stop," I said, politely, but she didnt. Instead she shifted her possition on the couch, and then grunted, and then bounced a little on purpoce, making a cavity beneath herself moving her ass in a way that I slid in that cavity and as I did she moved her leg on my lap. And now withuot my even trying she now has one leg right on my lap.

She wears hot pants. I hear they are in style agian. Her thigh pressed on me like a giant pink ham and sweatted thruoh my jeans till my danm lap is sopping wet.

I said to her, "where is DuWayne?" who is her boyfreind. This was my tryin to change the subject and remind her she had a boyfreind and that it WASNT ME.

She said, "Silly, you know my mama dates him now, I'm dating Earldee, and he's at the monster truck rally with Duwayne."

The springs on the couch made this crunchey popping noise beneath me as cathyann maneuvered and struggled agian to get closer to me. She did not stop till her entire wet ass was on my lap and then out of the blue scairing us both all of a suddon Granfather started screamin, "WHEN WILL THIS DAGNAB SHOW BE OVER!"

Yes the show realy did drag on too long. About ten minites later Cathyann broght her face close to mine. Cathyann has this big flat wide face that looks like somone who has a normol face is realy pressing that normal face agianst a big sheet of glass. It was very close to me and so flat that the flickoring blue light of the TV didnt even cast no shadows.

"Hold mah place for me baby," she said in her deep raspey smoker's voice that sounds as if somone left a coupol of bran muffins in her throaght and then she got up grunting agian but being somwhat drunk and clumsey she coudnt right herself.

On her third or forth try she stumboled up teetering like a newborn horse standing for the first time wobbling a bit on her legs which were all flushed and red on the parts that were pressed agianst me and tromped off to use the bathroom.

I had the distinct feeling that somone was stairing at me. Turning to my left I saw Granfather glowering at me with his extremly scary Rick Springfeild look on his face.

Our whole flimsey trailer then sort of hopped an eighth of an inch because inside the john Cathyann sat down hard on the bowl. Granfather's eyes bored a hole thruogh me. The only sound you coud hear was Cathyann pee so loud that you woud of thoght she left the door open but she did not. She must of drank allot of beer cause it sounded like when I have to power hose sun baked bird crap off the side of the alunimum trailor. From inside the bathroum I coud hear her burp very loudly and then begin a five minnute exercise of clearing her throaght. She is always congested and breathes thruohg her mouth.

Granfather contineud to stare at me. We heard a plop, then anothor, then a flush, and then Cathyann bark out, "Cain't find the Glade Walt, so I'm lightin' a match!", while in my houmiliation I tried to ignore Granps by wiping the big girl's sweat off my arm with a Taco Bell bag. Finaly the old basterd spoke:

"I'D BE WILLIN' TO SLEEP IN THE BARN IF YOU'D ONLY DO WHUT I KNOW YOU AIN'T MAN ENOUGH TO DO."

I said, "Granfather, did you see what was goin on? If I was the womon and she was a man, that woud be called sexuol harasment'."

Granfather screamed back "YOU ALREADY IS THE WOMAN!"

Then the old basterd said muttored tha if the final episode was any longor I'd probly alredy been date-raped two and a half times even with him also sittin there.

He is a big baby

Aftor the show Granfather insisted that I masage his legs and get him up on the wheelchair. Not that he realy needs the wheelchiar, his legs are allmost all better from the 1990 acident, its just that he likes to be carted around. Carted around the house cause he is so danm lazy, and carted aruond in public cause he likes people to feel sorry for him.

Him and Cathyann sat at the kitchon table telling horobble jokes an smokin Luckies and doin bourbon shots while I washed the dishes. Granfather is a slob who uses, like 20 dishes a day. I canot tell you how much I am dying to tell the story of the embarasing thing that hapened to Granfather when he was 17 years old. But like i said i cannott due to a court injunction.

Later on Cathyan passed out and I drove her six miles back to town in her car with my bike in the trunk so I coud get home after I dropped her off.

Then on the way back the bike had a flat inthe dark and after that I ran over a danm snake who was sleepin on the shouldor of the state route and lost control and allmost got run over by a triple semi. But first I had to haul her into the car all passed out plus get my bike in her trunk. My arms were sore for a week. At least by the time I got to her house DuWayne and Earldee were back from the truck rally and able to bring her inside. I woud of asked them for a ride home exept they seemed drunk too.

Things at my job have been extremly stresfull.

I guess with all the IPO madness, some companys are hiring web developors and such but here at Cyberblop Media (not the real name of the place I work, lest i give the basterds a free plug), all they do is get more and more managors. Fortey percent of the company now has the title of 'Vice President of somthing or othor.'

The othor 60 percent of the people are constantly being hired, fired and replaced every danm week. Dont ask me why. It is as if they clash with the drapes or somthin. At least it keeps me enployed, because its my job to set up computors for new staff coming in, as well as reformat computers of old staff heading out.

And I take back what I said beffore about me not gettin any human contact. My anoying pain in the ass former Boss, who was fired and who now was broght back as my Boss's boss is allways petting and rubbin my arm. But she does this to everyone, men and womon alike. She is an anoying pain in the ass touchy-feely little hag with a scrunched up toadlike face. She is the stupidest boss in the world. This is, like the worst place in the whole world to work.

More danm useless meetings than ever before.