Walter Miller Homepage

My life is what happons to you when you dont do exacly what those chain letters tell you to do

Dec 96 Update

Page 3 of 7


I tried to tell the man in charge it was my granfather playin a trick well GUESS WHAT he fired me on the spot. I started cryin. Then granfather luaghed his ass off an finaly said to the guy WALTERS RIGHT IM HIS SMELLY OLE GRAMPAW.

My boss said OK YOUR NOT FIRED and then told me and granfather that he reads my website. This made granfather real happy cause it makes him think hes fammous and he said ILL GIVE YOU MY AUTOGRAHG and my boss said NO THANKYOU but granfather started screamin and demanded on givin him his autograhph. Hes delusional. Later my boss said he thouht I was makkin it all up how nasty the anceint old prick really is but now he sees its true.

Finally he left and said ILL SEE YOU TONIGHT AT THE HOTEL BOY. The old monstor waddled off down the aisle and around the hall with a big open Heftey bag lookin like a kid dressed up for Holloween ecxept it was no mask but his real face hollerin at all the booth bunneys: WHAT KINDOF FREE STUFF YOU GOT? PUT IT IN MUH BAG. HURRYIT UP NOW I AINT GOT ALL DAY TO LOOK AT YER CRAPPY PRODUCTS. If anyones readin this who had granfather come to your booth at Condex I APOLLOGIZE on behalve of my family's pulchrotudinous patriarck.

Heres the story...Of a man from Hades...

My day sucked. I cut my hand with a boxcuttor then later I spilt tea on my shirt and a prettey girl saw. At about 3pm my boss let me walk around an see some othor exhibits. Actualy granfathers feet were tired and he came back to our booth to rest and he bruoght 2 orders of nachos with him and made a friggin mess evorywhere and my boss gave me the rest of the day off ONLY if I left and took the old troll with me.

Granfather heard that one of the boys from the Bradey Bunch is retired from acting and now has a softwear companey and was set up at the Sands. Belive it or not granfather is a BIG fan of the Bradey Bunch and colects lunchboxes and there record albums and other memorabielia. If you colect the same stuff chances are youve met the old basterd in a chat room. (DO NOT TRADE WITH HIM hes a crook)

My dad was a teenager back when it was on TV and didnt watch it himself but he told me that Granfather an my grandmouther whos now desceased plus her brother (my dads uncle whos also desceased) used to all 3 love to watch Brady bunch and the Partrige Family and if my dad even made a peep on Friday nights granfathor beat him with a plank. Becuase in those days you coudnt tape a TV show. If you missed a funney line you had to wait till they showed it next summer as a repeat. I have no idea how people lived back then it woud drive me crazy.

Granfather was youngor and meaner then and still strong as hell so Dad kept his ass quiet. Plus my granmother was the living friggin bride of Frankanstein. There was a roadhouse in our town thats now burned down but back then after the shows were over Granfather, granmother and our uncle woud go there and sit at a small table drinkin Natoinal Bohemien beer with cigarets cletchned in there teeth loudley humming the Brady theme. People in our town usedto call them The Hades Bunch.

So i said PLAESE lets not go to the Sands granfather to meet the former Petor Brady but he insisted. So when we got there Peter wasnt there thank God I think he was out to lunch or takkin a leak or somthing. But granfathor sees this other guy by the entrance he THINKS is him and he corners him and scares the hell out of him going on and on saying how him and his wife an brotherinLaw used to watch and laugh there asses off whenever poor Jan's fragile selfesteam would bring her to tears. He also asked the poor guy if he knew Cindy and Marshas email adresses but the guy said NO. Then he makes the guy sign an auttograph and then demands the guy take one of HIS autographs in return. IM FAMOUS TOO IM THE OLD BASTERD IN WALTER MILLERS HOMPAGE he says.

Back in the hotel granfather says he has the whole week planned. He said he wanted to see Sigfreid and Roy which was fine with me. But he also wanted to do stuff thats NOT a good idea. Like go to the antiuqe car exhibit at the Imperiol Palace--i was agianst it cause about 12 years ago he got thrown out of there on his ass and almost arested for tryin to take a hubcap off Mussolinis car for his hubcap colection. Also he wanted to take a daytrip 2 hours in the desert to Parump to a legol prostotutoin ranch. I said NO GRANFATHER to both these ideas

trouble that night