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if anyone has a theory how an entire SEALED tin of Danish buttor cookies coud get in a old mans stomoch please write

Dec 96 Update

Page 6 of 7


It was the kind of bar with the bartendor in the middle like on Cheers. Granfather sat there on a beer break from draggin around his Hefty bags full of free premiums. (By the way the company that gave away the free gargoiyle i heard wants to use granfathers face as the model for next years gargiole.)

Granfather had went to one of the Micrasoft kickoffs earlier and he sat at the bar muttoring on how boring the new Office 97 event was and how cheap and greasy the horederves were there. THEY GOT WINDOS 95 AND NOW THIS DAMN 97 THING--BUT ITS STILL 96 DAMMIT, ITS STILL 96

Then he said: THERE UP TO 97 AND MEANWHILE MY DAMN 95 WONT EVEN RUN MY DAMN 94...What he means by that is that I let granfather use my Micrsoft Cinemania '94 on my old PC with Windows 3.1 on it and it worked fine. But when I got Windows 95 the Cinemania atcualy ran crappier becuase the video wont work. They want you to buy another vidio driver or somthing.

THEM CHEAP BULLIES UP IN REDVILLE said granfather. YOU 2 BOYS KNOW WHUT IM TALKIN ABOUT NO? Well geuss whose sittin across on the other side ofthe bar all alone facing my disgusting ancestor. According to Pat and the diaper bag lady who was there they swear it was Bill Gates and Steve Ballmor.

Granfathor looked hard at them and all of a suddon he reckonized them (or mabye he didnt) and he starts parotting these exact Larry Elison quotes word for word about 'THE BOX' and also 'NETWORKING' that Larry actualy said on Charly Rose and also inthe PBS documentory on the Acidentol Empires book. He also spouted exact qoutes from Scot McNealey and Jim Barcsdale. Granfathers a genius--he coud hear a line once an remember it forever.

THESE AINT JUST PLATOTUDES BOYS, THIS IS THE FUTORE. Granfather later told me his acount of the story and said Balmer got up to take a whiz or somthing but gates stayed there just lookin at him sayin nothin but one of his glasses lenses just sortof fogged up by itself

Then gramps told Gates the whole online world was trashing CDs and disks and that 8-track tapes would be the new industry standerd by next year an EVRYONE KNEW THIS ecxept a few ignorent corprate bigshots spread out in a smatering of large companys. Then he shared his veiws on product develpment: JUST CAUSE A TURD COME FROM YOUR OWN BUTT DONT MEAN ITLL FLOAT: SOME DO SINK.

Gates kept lookin away an soon left. Granfathor laughed his ass off and said to Pat: LETS GO FIND ELISON AND ANNOY HIM WITH SOME MICRASOFT P.R. QUOTES. At least the old basterd doesnt play favrites.

TogA TogA!

That night the old ogre was off my hands agian cause the freind at Lotus WAS able to sneak him inthe IBM toga Party. He said they had the best food he had all week like oystors an bacon. IBM will never be the same after the old basterd. He came home at 6am all dishevled with his alunimum cane and legbraces pokin out evrywhich way an the shower curtin toga torn stained and upended and undorneth it butt-nekid bare assed. He didnt know what hapened to his cloths and I DID NOT want the details. Lets just say that acordin to Terry more than 2 and as many as 4 VERY intoxocated females at the party will wake up tomorow with a profound sense of regret iregardless of if they remeber what hapened or not. And also probly in need of counseling, fumigation, insectosidal soap and antibiottics.

Granfather was mumbling and had ALOT to sleep off and his cane and walker was bent an broken with one part of it over his shuolder and he waddled in clinkin and clanking with long snot strings down to the floor and plastic ornomental flowers in his hair matted with chopliver paste. He colapsed on the bed: MY BED. He friggin looked like one of the purpusely deformed Erector Set toys at the house of the evil kid in Toy Story.

A Holiday snafu

the old cogder had such a great time in Vegas it was realy sad to get the disapionting word from my brother and his wife that the old basterd IS NOT WELCOME in there home for Thangsivging. Yes theres still bad blood and family unforgivness. I called my brother to get directions to his new place in L.A. and he said DONT BRING THE OLD BASTERD.

My stepmom got on the phone cause she was visiting there and she was not happy about this but said my brother and his wife were addament about it and Granfathers presence woud be disroptive. There little son is his only great granchild and hes still NOT ALOWED to even see or touch the kid and he took the news badly and screamed and hollored like crazy. He was buyin toys for him all week. I started cryin cause our famly has so many problems. Me and granfathor were both pissed at my whole famly. It was a rare moment of us havin somthing in commen.

A horroble Thansgiving