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I know what it is like where you work becuase i work there too

Suposed to be The Late June (but realy in July) 98 Update

Page 7 of 7


From the sound of his frightenning thunderrous bellowing I heard in the phoencall, I had thoght the old basterd was dying or somthing. When I walked into the trailer Junoir was there layin on the floor of the trailer with blood allover his face. I ran to him and tryed to help him first because you shoud allways help a human beffore aiding an animol; (in this case, Granfather).

I said "Junior WHAT HAPENNED TO YOU."

He told me that he coudnt take Granpy's screams and so he treied to get himself drunk by drinkin a half bottol of rye (alls we had left in the house) and also half a quart of Mexicon vanila extract in order to make himself pass out as to escaipe the ordeal. When that didnt work he tryed to hit himself on the forhead with a ballpeen hammer but insteadd alls he did was busted his nose.

"Granpy's been screamin nigh 3 hours straihgt," Junior sobbed, "I coudnt take it no more, so's I had to excape."

I said to him, "Junior your truck is in the yard why didnt you just go home?" and he told me he didnt want to abbandon Granfather because hed promise to watch him. (Not that Junior figguored that being unconscouis is any help)

I found the old bastord sittin at the computer in MY ROOM. The violant savage howls had stopped. He didnt look to be hurt. But his evil face was allmost black with white hot smouldorring anger.

"Granfather. What the hell is the mattor with you?" I said.

"LOOKY HERE AT THIS DANM COMPUTER SCREEN!" he shouted back.

When i did, I saw that he was on the web. Down at the Status bar on the bottom i saw that Granfather had openned up 22 diferrent browser windows, which I think is probly a record.

"IT SAYS: 'CLICK HERE FER THUMBNAILS'!" he screammed.

"BUT EACH TIME I CLICK, IT DONE TAKES ME TO ANOTHER 5 PAGES WHICH SAY 'CLICK HERE FER THUMBNAILS' TOO!

Granfather was extremmly worked up and was visibbly shaking as if he was so angry he coud kill someone. I told him to PLEASE calm down. But he woud hear nothin of it. As you know, (and mabye you do not) but thumbnials are small photoes that they have on pornohgraphy websites. You are suposed to be able to see small versions of them beffore you waste your time downloadding the fullsized photoes.

"ALL'S I'M DOIN' IS CLICKIN' AND CLICKIN', AND DOIN' WHUT THEY TELL ME TO DO...

"SO WHAR IS THEY, BOY? WHAR IN HELL IS MY GOLLDANG CONSARN DAGNAB DUMB-ASS SUMBITCH BUTT-NEKKID LADY THUMBNAILS!"

Granfather howled that if they ever tryed to sell a dirty print maggazine like this they woud be put out of business. I said WELCOME TO THE INTERNET you old pervurt.

I forgot Junior was on he floor and I danm near tripped on him as he contineud to bawl, lammenting in the morose way he allways does, "Oh, lordy! If only I wuz a powerful Super Hero so's to help pore Granpy! For surely this is a job for for Testaclees!"

They meet me at the airport

Pop-Pop Jack and Meemaw met me at the gate. I was slowed down by the perky little toadlike woman, who was scamperring way behind me with her short legs huffing and puffing and she proceedad to tell me all the items one by one by one by ONE that she had packed for the trip. I did not want to hear it. She was like a little miniatuore Lou Costello who was tryin to push her suitcase ahead of her and it kept rollin in the wrong directions becuase it was the type of siutcase you are suposed to pull behind you.

At this point I was sorry I even came along for this trip. Have you ever met somone who is forcibly sociable? Well it was this woman. She introdduced herself to my Grandparrents and before you know it insted of renting a danm car like she was suposed to do, she ends up gettin my poor Pop-Pop to load her danm bags into his Lincoln and take us out to the Olive Gardan.

OK, she picked up the tab on the Cyberblop expence acount and all. But even still I havent seen my mother's folks for four years and now she was horning in on MY TIME with them by just yapping along abbout herself all throuhg supper. And also sayin meaningless things like "I like breadsticks! You bet! Do YOU like bredsticks? I sure do, you bet, you BET!"

I am enbarassed

I love my Meemaw but she allways enbarases me. Everytime she sees me the first thing she tells me is, "Now, dear, we are not going to Disnyworld because it is a long drive." She treats me like I am a little kid. I KNOW it is a long ride and in fact I do not even WANT to go: In fact this is a business trip I am on rihgt now. The worst part was that her mention of Disneyworld openned up a 40 minutte one-sided conversattion about Disnyworld from GEUSS WHO.

Then, after we ate, Meemaw invited this pain in the ass womon back to the condo swiming pool. I did not even want to go swimmin I wanted to take a nap and plug my laptop in to check my e-mail. But no. Meemaw insistad that I go swimming too. I had forgot how much I do not like there pool. The water is so full of chlorrine it burns my eyes. Plus it is so hot its like swimming in blue piss. Plus I am the only one in there who is ever under 75 years old.

Did you ever see somone who you are used to seeing wearring clothes, (like at your job), and then you see them in a bathing suit? Do you know how wierd and out of context they look? Well out thru the slidding glass door of the condo pops this perky pain in the ass toad shaped co-worker of mine with this lowcut bathing siut that was all frilly and bunched up high at the top and front makin her look ecaxtly like a squat little jiggly ice cream cone of flesh. Do you know when a womon has a big chest and no butt what that looks like? Well anyway the worst part was the leg opennings which were extremmly high cut. There was not just a little too much but ALLOT too much black woolyness for my taste stickin out of the bottom of the suit all where it was not suposed to. It was enuogh to make me puke and i allmost did.

Poor Pop-Pop Jack was not having a good time eithor I coud tell. He looked like he got real old. Meemaw made this disgousting dessert she is fammous for, a tray of lime jello filled with shredded carrets and with coconut, Miracle Whip and currey powdor on top. It tastes like crap. The pain in the ass Cyberblop lady ate almost the whole friggin tray. She said that where she comes from in Illinnois people love to eat Mirracle Whip out of the jar straite with a large spoon. Please, if any readders out there in Ilinois can please assure me that this is NOT true, please write and tell me so becase it woud make me feel allot better.

Dad calls

My father called and he was pissed that I had went to floridda. Dad does not realy get along well with the inlaws of his deceased wife. They never approved of Dad. It is not Dads fault, but becuase they hate Granfather so much

Why my othor grandparents hate Granfather so much

I had wrote beffore in another earlier update abbout what my parents' wedding picture looks like. Everyone looks normol ecxept Granfather, who has a payphone atached to his face. Yes a payphone. This was back in the 1970s and the old basterd had shoved his toungue up the coin return slot of a pubblic phone. (PLEASE DO NOT ask me why--I asumme it was to steal coins). Anyway the parramedics coudnt loosen him and the old bastord had them detach the phone from the wall of the booth where it stayed there for a month.

When he arived in New jersey for my folks' wedding, Pop Pop Jack did NOT want the bastord to atend. They got in a big fight and the weding was allmost canceled. Granfather reffused to pay for the rehearsol dinner which he had promised to pay for.

Then he played a mean trick on Pop Pop Jack. He called up the heating oil companny from Pop Pop's house the night beffore the wedding and said "WOUD Y'ALL PLEASE COME OVER AN' FILL UP MUH BIG-ASS TEXAS-SIZED 1,500 GALLAN OIL TANK?"

But you see they had switched a year beffore from oil to naturol gas. Granfather snuck ovor to Pop Pop's house when the truck arived and showed them the entry hole to the oil tank in the basement. The tank was now gone and so all the danm oil was dumped in his bassment. Mean sonoffobich. This is the type of person Granfather is.

Me and dad did not come to any type of resollution while we were on the phone. We had a fight abbout it. I was so upsett I started cryin. I took the call in the kitchen but the pain in the ass nosy toadfaced womon kept actualy folowing me arround petting my arm asking "WHATS WRONG?" and her wet bathing suit and asociatted wooly protuberences which were all ovorhanging in the way that they were soaked and they dripped allover my Meemaw's hardwood floor. Dad kept askin, "Who is that talkin to you in the backround?"

Finaly I took the call in the den and shut the door. Now I coud yell louder at dad. Dad just does NOT understand how awful and crule Granfather is. After a few minuts, on a whim, I looked at the window and there was that concerned co-deppendent nosy inquisitive toadlike scrunchy face gazing sympatheticly at me. WHAT a blessed pain in the frikkin ass.

Finaly I begged Pop-Pop Jack to drive her back. But where ecaxtly WAS back? It was BACK to airport to the Hertz countor to get her danm rental car. It was 8 oclock by the time we got home and that is past there bedtime

Then the phone rang agian

Minutts later I heard poor Pop Pop shouting with rage. I coud hear the cackling mocking luagh of Granfather in the receiver even from where i was. He slammed the phone down. I asked "Who was that?" and they both said wrong numbor. But I knew who it was. Then i overheard him tell Meemaw in the othor room that Granps had said to him, "Hi Jack its your favorite Texas OIL MAN on the phone." It must of bruoght back allot of bad memorries for them, because they were bolth very upset. i know that i am to blame for the whole thing.

The next morning Meemaw made me brekfast and then the nosy lady came by to pick me up at 6:30 AM to bring me to the hotel conferrence room for the seminar. Our plane woud be leaving at 3:00 so I woudnt see my grandparents agian. What made me even more pissed is that after she picked me up I found out that the conferrence didnt even start untill 8:30. She just wantad to go out early for breakfest. But I already HAD brekfast. I woud rather of spent my time with these rellatives I never get to see.

What part of my visit this stupid woman didnt ruin, Granfather DID ruin.

The conferrence sucked

It was a Beginners HTML seminar. I tell you, I coud TEACH this danm class. Plus any of the iddiots at my job coud teach it too. Why the hell we had to fly to Florida for it was beyond me. It didnt stop her from whisperring to me the whole time. Not only abbout HTML but abbout my family probblems which i did NOT want to share with her.

Then as soon as i got back home the next day at work I get called in. I am told that as a result of the re-org I will now be repporting to this pain in the ass womon. Oh God this was the worst. The peoplle who work for her all hate her becuase she always asks personol qeustions, always holds lunches and brekfasts all the time, and also drops by their cubicols all day and is so danm "proactive" on everything. And never stopps talking. Not to mention is allways invitting her staff to her danm house when they dont want to go. OH GREAT.

well anyway THIS IS AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY TO END THIS UPPDATE. Please try to bare with my "Summer Scheddule" of updates. Yes i know they are running late.

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