Walter Miller's Home page

Some peoplle will do aneything for attention

June 1998 Update

Page 3 of 8


The Big Rollout event

Everyone at work is all on egde lately becuase we are planning a big Rollout Event. One of the things Cyberblop does is build web content for clients. There are 3 or 4 of our clients who are all set to be rolled out on the same day.

(Atcually, the 3 or 4 clients are far from ready to be rolled out. Plus, two of them already bailed out to go to othor content shops. Not only that, we already have 5 or 6 curent clients, and none of them ever got "rolled out".)

The fact is, there realy is no reason to have the Big Rollout Event. Everytime Cyberblop needs to squeaze more funding from Corporate by impressing them with new pressclips, (or for that mattor, wants to spend a few hours outside of the office by eating bland, sweaty Rollout Event finger food off of papper plates in the meeting room of some small hotel), they hold a Big Rollout.

And besides, we are budgeted for the danm Rollout, and if we dont spend it on a Rollout, then we have to give the money back to Corporate. They are going to hold the Big Rollout about 80 miles away at the Best Western (which isnt a Best Western anymore) out on the interstate.

When I arrive at work there is an angry phonemail from my boss.

He is extremly agitated, and wants me to go see him imediatly when i come in. But when I go to his office he shoots me this glance like he is pissed and that I am disturbing him. He says to me, "Who the hell invited YOU in?" (This is the kindof person my boss is).

He starts talking realy fast telling me that I have to call the Austin office to set up the server account for one of the clients which is going to be Rolled Out at the Big Rollout.

This is an odd reqeust

We never had to call the Austin office beffore. Hell, I didnt even know they asigned servor acounts. So I go back to my desk and call up the Austin office and they have NO IDEA who the hell I am and they say:

"WE ARE NOT GIVING YOU ANY DANM SERVER SPACE."

Then I go back to my boss and he is pissed becuase i am interuppting him. I tell him what hapenned and he gets REALY angry. He says to me, "WHAT DID THEY SAY ABOUT THE URL?"

Once again: I do not know what the hell he is talkin about.

He shouts, "How can you get server space without gettin a URL?"

He tells me that Austin assigns the URLs for all of Cyberblop's cleints and so I better talk to Austin, becuase if my screwing up causes them to lose this client then my Ass is Grass.

So i call Austin again

And over in Austen they tell me to KISS THERE ASS, and right smack in the centor part of it, too. They tell me that they dont know who the hell I am, and they are under no obligatoin to help anyone at our location.

I asked them if perhaps I shoud try calling the Chicago office or the San Mateo office and they said they dont give a crap.

"We are busy enuogh with our own work to do the work of you clowns," he said and then he hanged up.

Cyberblop is owned half by Corporate and half by external investors and partners. Corporate has, like, at least 5 offices that I know of and mabye more.

So, I called the main switchbord of the Chigaco office and got bounced arround and ended up talking to three people.

"Uh-huh! Yup! Mmm-HMM! Yeah!"

The first persen I talked to never heard of Cyberblop. I had to explian the whole thing to him. In fact, i had to explain the whole danm concept of the Internet to him.

He was one of these stupid people, who, whenever you are talking to them, they say over and over agian, "Uh-huh! Yup! Mmm-HMM! Yeah!", so that you cant even hear yorself think, much less speak. And, as soon as you finish what you are saying, they ask the same friggin qeustion AGAIN, because the whole time you were speaking they were saying, "Uh-huh! Yup! Mmm-HMM! Yeah!"

Then for ten minuts he wanted to talk abuot the Chigaco Bulls, and how all the teams down here in Texas like the Rockets and Spurs all crapped out this year, and how "WE" just got our sixth NBA title and "WE" beat Utah's ass by 50 points in one game.

Yeah, right, "WE" , like he was hustlin his OWN fat ass on the court with Micheal and Scottie sinkin the danm baskets. I got the disticnt feeling that this guy had no work to do.

And then he fowarded my call to the second persen. The second persen had me on the phone for 30 danm minutes, yammering on and on abbout how the whole Cyberblop project was a dumb idea, and how she was agianst it from the start.

"Who authorrized this?" she kept asking, like ten times. She had this anoying Eurropean accent, and the whole time she was dropping all these names of supposed bigshots from Corporate, and how she knew them personaly, and how I was just some peice of crap who was just learning how to swipe his cardkey in the front door. She must of mentionned 5 times that she worked for Corporate for 14 years.

Also she kept sternly askin me all these qeustions, like, "Who is in charge down there?" and, "Whats kind of bugdet did you screw Corporate out of?", and "What do you people get paid down there?".

What a danm nosy pain in the ass.

But most of all, it was, over and over agian:

"Who authorrized this?"
"Who authorrized this?"
"Who authorrized this?"

I mean, werent we PAST the point of who authurized this? I mean, this was my JOB for Godsake.

I was getting nowhere

Lady Eurotrash finaly fowwarded my message to a third persen, (who was the Chicago office's designatted liason to the Cyberblop project). And when I spoke to this guy, I knew at last i was finaly talking to somone who was familiar with me, my department, and my deppartment's needs because he started hollerin at me and just before slamming the phone down he screamed, "WE ARE NOT GIVING YOU ANY DANM SERVER SPACE."

I also treid calling the Atlanta office and the Dallas office but I coudnt get through to the Atlanta ofice, and the Dallas office told me that the Austin office had just called them to tell them DON'T, under any circomstances, set up any danm URLs for our office, or for that mattor even be helpfull in any way.

...Especialy for this danm Big Rollout prodject. Which no one was even sure who even authorrized in the first place.

I went in to tell my boss all this, but by that time it was 4:00 and he was gone for the day. It looked like the only thing that was goingto be rolled out of there was my ass.

Just before setting out for the long drive home, I called Granfather at the home of his odious consort to tell him I was on my way. But Granfather told me to hold off on picking him up.

"GIVE IT A WAIT TILL WENDSDAY, BOY. I'M WORKIN' ON MY FINALE," he whisperred into the phone.
In Granfather-ese, this meant that he hadnt took a dump in a few days and was saving it all up for one last disgousting masterpeice to show this wench upon the precise moment of their breakup exatcly WHO wears the diapers in this relattionship. This is the level of maturity the bastord is at.

At Junior's house

Junior lives in town and this was where I was staying while the men were working on the concrete supports of our trailor. After supper me and him both drove over to our place to feed Granfather's dogs and goats and chickons.

Two of the dogs, Nemo and Drive By, were howling. This is becuase One of the workmen, a subcontractor, was sittin crosslegged on the dirt crying in pain as blood streamed from his moulth.

The main contractor pointed to him and said that the subcontractor had stuck his head into this rotted two-foot hole undorneath Granfather's room. I knew about this hole. There was a pile of dirty socks and undorwear under the bastord's bed and the stink from them fermenting had bored a hole right thruogh the alunimum floor. The subcontractor had poked his head in and sniffed and imediatly burned his sinuses and throagt, plus he had damage to both corneas and not only this, but by inhailing, all the enamel rotted off his teeth and caused his steel dental brigdework to spring off and dig deep into his inside cheeks. This is HOW BAD the odors from Granfather smell, even when hes been gone for a few days.

The main contractor told us that if the subcontractor decided to sue him, he woud in turn sue us. Our familly always faces problems like this. Many of you reading think that I make these things up. But I do not.

When we came back to Junior's house, Junior gave me the Grand Tour.

"Hows about the Grand Tour?" he says with a grin. Its the only time poor pittiful Junoir evor grins. He is the sad morose type.

Please, NOT the Grand Tuor!

Junoir's TV room is completly empty except for a folding chair and a TV set on a small table. Its so emptey it makes an echo when you talk.

On the paneled walls all arround are a bunch of those mirrored beer signs that you see hangin up in taverns and that they somtimes sell in the parkin lot of speedways before the race.

He has like 27 mirrer signs and the Grand Tour consists of 27 stories, one by one, abbout how Junoir obtained each sign. Each story takes 10 minuts long, there is no place to sit during the Tour, and the storeis change each time you get the Tour.

For exampel last time he told me that he found the Bud Ice sign in an airport dumpstor, but this time he said his daddy won it for him in a card game the day Junoir was born. Meanwhile theyve onley been making Bud Ice for like, 5 years now.

I love Junior but he is laborriously boring.

And Ive alredy got the Grand Tour twice this year so far

And 4 times in 1997. Somhow I was able to escape into the other room and call up Cathyann who only lived across the street and down two doors. I invited her to come over Junoir's house for some lemonade after supper. I knew Junior didnt mind because Cathyann is alwayes the life of the party.

So she tells me on the phone, "OK, can my boyfriend come too?"

Her boyfreind? Whoa.

Yes its true

And do you know what - I am very happy for her. Thats the truth. His name is DuWayne (or Dwaine - i dont know how to spell it) and he lives in town. They came over. He seems very nice. Like i said i am happey for them. He is a portly guy whose pants are allways fallin down. Plus he breathes heavey and is sweaty and flushed looking in his face and is alwayes coughing and wheezing and complaning of chest pains. This is what hapens when you are only 25 and you are smoking nonfilters for 15 years.

Junior met them at the door with a big grin and said: "Hows about I give you'all the Grand Tour?"

Did you ever see a guy with a peirced ear who looked like he shoudnt have a peirced ear? That was this guy. Plus he had these big sweaty pink wet fleshey earlobes that looked like nectarines with the skin peeled off. The whole time they were holding hands in a very cuddly way and atcualy seemed to enjoy the Grand Tour. Cathyann kept bragging to me and Junoir in her loud raspey voice over and over, "Du-WAYNE this", and "Du-WAYNE that", and twerling her finger in the rat tail of his hair and kept initiating conversations with him by calling him: DooWAAAIYNE??

The first few minutts were cute but aftor a while, (a very short while) it danm made me sick.

After the Grand Tore they left and went back to her house in tandem step like two Siamese twins who were atached at all four wrists.

I coud see them both from Junoir's kitchon window