Walter Miller's Hompage

All those pissed off AOL users--there all tryin to get HERE

Febuary 97 Update

Page 2 of 8


"The exectutive Codependent"

Thats what granfather calls Clinton. Inuagration Day was noisy in our home. Among things screamed atthe TV: TELL YOU WHUT YOUNG FELLER ILL 'FEEL YER PAIN' IF YOU INHAILE THIS and he forced out a huge fart so bad sparks flew out the wall outlets and the blades on the fan allthe way in the kitchon closed up like a Venus flytrap. Worst was the damage tothe TV: the rancid odor erased the blue/green color filtor off the tube. So now our TV looks like a damn amber PC monitor from 1982. The TV man cant come to fix it till Feb 9th. Also the microwave wont work--the olny part that does is the digitol clock but it keeps blinkin 88:88

He holared an spit tobaco juice at the TV all day especialy during the Inougral speech part about the internet: HIM AND MISTER "INFO-HIWAY GORE" BEEN IN OFFICE 4 YEARS AND THEM DIRTY PICTURES STILL TAKE LONG AS EVER TO DOWNLAOD DAMMIT. Granfather actualy blames Gore for his slow 9600 bps conectoin. He thinks the Goverment and phone companys shoud invent a 'milion buad modem' and give them out FREE to the whole USA (& perhaps Holland too, as acordin to him they have the best pourno websites). Wholl PAY for this who the hell knows.

The REAL reason hes mad

Grampy always crabs about Clinton even thuogh he likes him. Part of its jealosy of others sucess. He was just as cranky the day Reagan began his 2nd term--but not THIS cranky. I know my granfather well enuogh to know its not Clintons fault: he just misses his old girlfrend. (HIS girlfrind, not Clinton's)

The President spoke only 22 minutes which grampy said was a plesant suprise and probly a world record for Clinton. When Clinton said "America Deservs big things" granps said he HE MUST BE TALKIN ABOUT HIS BELLY AND HIS ASS AGINN AND PROBLY GINGRICHS ASS WHICH'S JUST AS FAT.

Now lets back up a minite here: Just a week prior i coudnt shut up the old trolls tirades on Ginrich sayin how hes so full of hot air that a speceil act of Congress was passed to buy steel cables to tethor him to the Speakers chair or else hed float away like a giant Macy Parade float & then hit electricol lines, and godforbid if he farts up there hed make himself expload. But NOW, next to Clintin Newt looks good to the old lizard.

Equol Time

Grampy then made me call the local ABC afiliate and put them on our kitchen speakorphone. He demanded he be alowed to give the oposing viewpoint in the guest editoriol segment. You know, where Average Joe citozen sits on a stool in the studio with the station logo behind him & says whats on his mind. (In the case of HIS tiny pre-homo erectus brain this shoud take 1 second.)

He howled over the phone like such a lunatic they said NO THANKS MISTER. Then he screamed PUT ON THE STATION MANAGER. He was on hold an hour. By that time Id propped the evil beast on the toilet--10 feet from the phone but kept the bathrom door open so he coud yell at the console from inside the can thru one ofthose plastic footbal game megaphones--sounding EXTRA demented. The station manager also said NO.

DRIVE ME OVER ANYWAY!

Granfather screamed we shoud just drop in on them. I said NO SIR. He began smackin me around with the back ofhis hand on my arms an chest. He tryed to get my face but coudnt reach.

I call the doctor

The doctor told me hes danm tired of bein bothered and said STOP BLUBBERIN AND CRYIN Walter get the damn horse tranqulizer gun as we discused and shoot the sonofobich in the ass like a man. Well I had 2 darts left. The writhing beast woudnt stop squirming so one dart hit the wall. The other was a direct hit but alas hit a gristly ass tendon and we all know cartiliginous tisseu has no blood vesels. So granfather never got sedated.

GIT THIS HERE DART OUT!

While he fartod RIHGT in my face an swung his apelike hand behind him to hit me MORE it took me 30 minutes with needlenose plyers to pry it from his gnarled leathery sinewy chewylookin desiccated evapporated petrified beefjerkylike gristle riddled brown parched rough hard dried ass meat hide. IM SORRY but thats what granfather is: A friggin subhuman monster. The old basterd AND the doctor then sugested when I turn 21 I join the NRA to take markmanship lessens.

Finaly I give in

YES I drove him. Its like 55 miles away. One reason i was hesatant was I hadto bathe him first. We agreed to a quick one: 5 bottles of non-suds amonia in the tub then a simple water rinse--just to dampen odors a few hours. The he laid on the carpet & i vacumed off the flaky stuff & dead bugs. Some long neck hairs got cought & wrapped around the vacuume beater bar and i had to untwirl it.

At the TV statoin