Walter Miller Homepage

"That'll do, pig." -- Not only the last line from the film 'Babe' but also what the doctor usualy says to granfather several times during his medocal exam.

Mid-Jan 97 Update

Page 5 of 8


No more bad dogs

Also back in those days if the dogs were bad granfather punished with extra watormelon rinds & rancid Ragu puored on it. Howevor a few of the dogs atcualy liked this meal and looked foword to it. Those dogs included Snoball, KathiLee and "Rrrrrrhhhh!"

Today the dogs get a ocasionol breif whipping or mabye the old mean basterd will roll his wheelchair over one of there tails on purpose. (Still nothin worse than what I get for BEIN GOOD.) But an incident ocurred a few years ago where he olmost lost custody of the dogs:

About 6 years granfather was freinds with the deputy sheriff. (Now he has NO friends). One hot saturday in 1990 he came over to play cards. I was visiting from California with my brother.

All the dogs are male and theres no femmales around. (Well Janet and KathiLee are but theres somthing wrong with them cause the others wont ever mate with them; The males ocasionaly aproach sniffin there butts from time to time but then proceed along unintorested and also somwhat disoriented).

In any event theres NO ONE for them to mate with. (Yes, a recuring sociel pattern among males in the imediate area). A situation most frustrating for, (in politicoly corect terms), our fornicatonally chalenged canine companions.

Well the unfortunate incodent began as one of the dogs was getting very freindly with the sherrifs deputty. It was Snoball. Lets just say he was tryin to have a rellationship with the sherrif's leg. Granfather was outraged. That nihgt out in the barn he castraitted the dog with one of those curved linnoleum knifes. I remember my brother said a joke: Now you coud move the "S" from the front of the dogs name to the end and call him "Noballs." Well word got aruond and the old basterd got in trouble. It seems CAN do this to dogs, just a doctor has to do it.

Heres how stuppid the dog is: The very next day despite his pain AND TO THIS VERY DAY whenever he sees my granfather he still waggs his tail.

Word gets out

Well its a small town and in no time granfather was up to his ass in alligators, legaly speakin that is. Soon the old basterd faced charges for a heavy fine, counseling, comunitey service and bein forced to watch ALL the No More Bad Dogs tapes by that famuos English woman with the screechy voice.

Punishment avoided

Yes there is a God and a week later granfather suffered his crippling acident when a silo full of heavy colectibles ruptured and colapsed on him breakin 271 bones (normol humans only have 200 bones IN THERE WHOLE BODY yet this rather abnormal nonhuman broke 271) which put him in the wheelchair. On and off for the next 4 years he spent a months at a time back & forth betwen Califonia and Texas for various rehabs and oporations.

Due to his condition he efectively avoided punishment. Much of that time in Califonia he stayed with us at my folks house. While there the sneaky basterd prepared a document for my Dad to sign that swore that the dogs were "specialy trained convolescent care animals" and coudnt be inpounded. My Dad reffused to sign it but I forged his name on it under threats from Granfather. Dad found out and was PISSED.

His latest trouble with the Law

Back to this letter tacked to our door dated 1997: Guess whos instoggated it? YES, the one he calls The Puritan: Granfather's girlfreind's ugly mean older spinstor sister from up in Dallas who has the face like Ed Asner. And also the voice of Col. Potter from MASH.

As soon as she left our place last month after her unplaesant visit she went straihgt to complain to her locol chapter of some nationol organizatoin she belongs to about how granfather abbuses dogs cause he wont allow them to eat meat. Funny too as many members of this orgonozation (which I cant name as theres a lawsiut involved) belive that HUMANS shoudnt eat meat but DOGS CAN. This group has nationol backing and is also thretening to sue Granfather for other things including running a dump without a permit and toxic polloution on his proporty from leaking barrols of antifreeze, oil drippin from old tractor engines, and a kerosine pump and cespool that fail code.

Im the obbject of wrath

In his frustration the old beast ALWAYS lashes out at whoevers convenient: Politicans for his personol problems or ME for his legal problems. It dont matter.

I LOVE ANIMOLS DAMMIT!