Walter Millers Home Page"IM SORRY BOY I DONE ET YER CAR KEYS AGINN. YOULL SEE 'EM BACK BY TEUSDAY I PROMISE."
--How my dad found out he was goingto miss his S.A.T exams in hihgschool
Mid-Feb 97 Update
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An hour later he was drinkin Metaxa with grenadine and smokin a TeAmo watchin Court TV cackling on the spekerphone leavin a message on his girlfrends ansering machene up in Dallas tellin her "WALTER SAID 'I LOVE YOU' TO ME" chortling & histericly laughin his ass off till his face was wet with tears.
He DOES give inFinaly just before supper granpy wheels in my room. I was playin Quake but ignored him. He grabs my GI Joe off the shelf from when I was a kid and tares the head off it! Then he wings it at my face to get my atention.
In a mean snarl the old bastord growled that since I saved his life I coud "DO THET GOLDANG RADIO INTORVEIW". But he agreed ONLY if the reporter submits qeustions by e-mail and him & his lawyor look it over FIRST. This was fine with me.
I was happy then but i shoud of known Granfather had somthin up his slimy sleeve.
AN INPOSTER!As soon as i agreed he sent me to the store and while i was gone he got on my PC an must of looked in my private documants on the C drive. I know this becuase when I came back GRANFATHER was on speaker on a live radio interveiw DOING MY VOICE!!! Now i dont know what raddio station this was with: There are more than one thats featured my work on the air: Rock 103 in Memphis, also KRZR 103.7 in Fresno or maybe it was the NPR or someone else who the hell knows it doesnt matter.
But the cruel miseroble smelly basterd was doin MY VOICE, that, acording to email I got from listeners in places as far off as Califonia and Alaska, sounds 'soft and pittiful.' That Freudulent sonofobich.
We get in annother big fightGranfather heard me come in the trailer door with the grocceries. When I saw what was going on I started yellin. Then he has the nerve to say IN MY VOICE on the radio: "Oops I gotta go! Do you hear 'Granfather' hollering in the backround? I havto change his diapor." Then he hung up.
When it was allover I told him I was mad as hell. And he said: YOU MAKE AN ASS OUT OF ME ON THE WEB. WELL NOW ILL DO THE SAME FER YOU ON RADIO. He shot a stream of tobaco juice RIHGT on my chest plus on a bag of McDonolds i just bouhgt. I coudnt eat it NOW.
Then the old demonic monster huffed off and wheeled himself out in the yard to do an inventorey of his manhole cover colection.
NO MORE WIRE HANGORS!Of his many colections there are 2 granfather is hot & heavey at workin on lately. He recently picked up a few new manhole covors in a trade & wanted to clean them up with bleach & a wire brush. He also colects wire clothe hangers with hotel logos onthem but they have to be the type built to deter theft--you know the decappitated kind with no hook on top. He has abuot 6 thousand of these and there piled next to the manhole covors. Theres a bunch of travling salesman across the Net who he urges to steal them for him from hotel rooms. After they ship them to granfather (he uses a fake name & an out of state PO box) the old basterd stiffs them by not paying. Atleast this is how he claims to get them. The old worm is a big liar you knoew.
This is a strainge man...I glanced out the window before startin my work shift to see Granfather crouched like a skinny toad squattin over a manhole cover cleanning it. In a dead squat his knees ascend highor than his head if you can belive that and as he bent his head fowward his pointy nonhuman neck vertebrays poked up along the back of his hairy scruffly neck in a sharp ridge like one of those spinebacked dinosuars. His pajjama bottoms were split and without his morning diapor yet in place his balls hung out and far and low and brushed allong the surface of the dust. No wonder they get so dirty. I nevor knew how till now.
His gnarled gargoyolish contour was black aganst the blazin sun as he rubbed his prize with the brush in one hand & wavin a stolon wirehanger over his head in the other wildly reciting outloud at the top ofhis lungs with a smoke in his teeth the entire script to Mommy Dearest starring Fay Dunaway as Joan Crawford.
He has it comited to memery. The maniacol freak can do all the voices. If it ever becomes a one man show on Braodway the evil emmaciated old vile ogre is the one to do it. His favorit part is when shes beatin the crap out of the little duaghter with a hanger screamin NO MORE WIRE HANGORS! NO MORE WIRE HANGORS! NO MORE WIRE HANGORS!