Walter Miller Homepage

OK I admit it: I am a spectacuolour fraud.

August 1997 Update

Page 3 of 4


Granfathers behhavior markedly inproved, atleast for the next day, since we destroyed the tiki. The rest of the trip was unevventful except for around dusk the folowing day a Sonoron fruit bat flew in the car and dug his snout into the old bastords ear probly thinkin it was some sort of knobby malformed cactus formation that resemboled its nest. Granfather didnt seem to mind but the old girlfreind freaked and started screamin. I pulled the car ovor and I layed him on his side on the shouldor of the road on top a blanket cause the pavement was so hot while the old hag parked her waffly hams on top of the squirming old coot to keep him still while i puored minerol oil in the ear to dislodge the beleagured bat who was sqeaking his little furry ass off. I told granfather DONT swivol his jaw arround as to crush the poor creatuore's skull. They are endangered. The oil makes them back out without harm.

Other fauna atracted to Granps ears over the years include scorpoins, cockroaches, giant Texas wolf spiders, bees and once a locust. Oil works for them all.

We are recognzied

At the first rest stop in California some people recocgnized us imediately as theyre readers of my homepage. A teenage boy asked for our auotograph. Me and granps signed for the kid but the girlfreind said he had to kiss her first ON THE LIPS. He declined and the kids dad was pissed. Granfather started hollerin at him and the whole thing got ugly

Every silvor lining has a dark cloud

Just as we got to my brothers house Granfather sudenly realized hes no longor afraid of the vacuum cleaner. He bounded into the house without sayin hello to anyone an went striaght to the closet. He put the vacuume right up to his face and

WAS NO LONGOR AFFRAID OF IT.

This was a very jubbilant time for him to have his fear removed but in some ways for me the end of a short happy Era.

Credit the power of the destroyed Tikii

"YEP ITS THET THAR MAJIC OF THE PLASTIC TEE-KEE HEAD WHICH DONE IT, YESIRREE," he said. Granfathor then anounced that his fears flew out of him and into the tiki head and NOW THAT IT WAS CRUSCHED he'd never, ever fear anything agian. This was very upsetting. I also had to listen to a ten-minute tirade on how he would get me back for using the vacuume to control him these past few months. Also, how he was in too good a mood to think of it now, but soon he woud give me speciffics on revenge.

"ALL'S ILL SAY IS: WATCH YER BACK, BOY." Then he made his spinechilling caclking laugh.

Big ingrateful complainer

There was a small party going on when we arivved. Granfather disapeared AGAIN to make mysterious phonecalls. My stepmother heard him laughin in my brothers room and said WHAT ARE YOU DOIN GRANPY? And he said to her "NONE O'YER GOLDANG BIZNESS." I do NOT LIKE when he is rude to her. She is wondorful and its to her credit for tollorating an evil Fathor In Law from Hell.

Now hes a Guormond. Yeah right.