THE HOME PAGE OF WALTER'S GRANDFATHER

HELLO ALL YOU SURFING WEENIES AND FRIENDS OF WALTER. YOU FEEL SORRY FOR HIM BUT THIS IS MY SIDE OF THE STORY

FIRST: IT IS ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS. SO DO NOT WRITE TO ME TO SAY 'STOP SCREAMING' BECAUSE I AM SCREAMING DAMNIT AND I HAVE GOT QUITE A BIT TO SCREAM ABOUT. INDEED AS WALTER TELLS YOU I OFTEN SPIT WHEN I SCREAM. YET IT IS MY HOME AND MY RIGHT TO CHEW CHAW AND SPIT ALL I PLEASE. WHEN YOU GET THE NEWS FROM ME YOU ALSO GET THE WEATHER AND THE WEATHER TODAY IS SCATTERED SHOWERS OF A HORIZONTAL NATURE WITH THE SAME EXPECTED INTO THE EXTENDED FORECAST. IF YOU DONT LIKE IT GET THE HELL OFF MY PAGE AND GO TO YAHOO YOU YAHOO.

SECOND: THERE IS AN ABSENCE HERE OF WRONG SPELLING. HE CAN CALL ME STUPID ON HIS PAGE ALL HE WISHES. THIRD: THERE IS NO HUMOR HERE AND FOR THAT I CARE NOT A WHIT AS THERE IS VERY LITTLE TO LAUGH ABOUT LATELY.

WALTER DELIGHTS TO POKE FUN AT HIS OLD GRANDFATHER FOR HABITS HE FINDS PECULIAR. WHAT GOES ON ON MY LAND BEHIND CLOSED DOORS IS MY PRIVATE BUSINESS. THINK HOW YOU MIGHT LIKE A SERIAL CRITIQUE OF YOUR PERSONAL FUNCTIONS OR HOW YOU LOOK UNCLOTHED - YOU WOULD NOT LIKE IT I AM SURE.

THE ISSUE IS THAT WALTER IS AN IMMATURE YOUNG MAN WITH MANY PROBLEMS. HE HAS AN INABILITY TO TAKE CHARGE OF SITUATIONS AND ACCOUNT FOR RESPONSIBILITIES IN AN ADULT MANNER. HE DOES NOT NEED TO BE MOTHERED BY THERAPISTS HE NEEDS TO STAND UP AND GET ON WITH HIS LIFE. THIS IS MY OPINION AND IT IS NOT A HUMBLE OPINION BECAUSE I AM CORRECT GODDAMNIT.

IN HUMILIATING HIS FAMILY HE WRITES MUCH OF MY SMELL. I ASSURE YOU THAT LIVING WITH MY GRANDSON IS NO BED OF ROSES FOR ME. THERE ARE DIRTY SOCKS ON THE FLOOR OF HIS ROOM. HE LEAVES MILK OUT AND IT SPOILS.

HE EATS VEGEMITE PASTE THAT STINKS TO HIGH HEAVEN AND USES A BLEMISH CREAM THAT STINKS TO HIGH HELL. I BRUSHED MY TEETH WITH THE CREAM ONCE AND BECAME ILL. ANOTHER THING HE WRITES IS THAT I DO NOT BRUSH MY TEETH BUT I OFTEN DO.

WALTER'S OTHER EMBARRASSING ACTIONS AND PRIVATE HABITS I WILL NOT DESCRIBE AS NOT TO LOWER MYSELF TO HIS LEVEL. BUT SEVERAL THINGS I WILL SHARE, NEITHER FOR PITY OR REVENGE MIND YOU, BUT THE BOY PLAYS HIS MUSIC MUCH TOO LOUD. HE SPENDS MORE TIME THAN A YOUNG MAN OUGHT ON THE DAMN COMPUTER WHICH I ADMIT I OCCASIONALLY USE BUT NOT AS A WAY OF LIFE.

HE INSULTS MY LEATHERY COMPLEXION WELL WALTER IS WHITER THAN A GRUB UNDER A BIG FLAT ROCK. I SAY THIS NOT TO POKE FUN BUT CONSTRUCTIVELY - HE NEEDS THE TEXAS SUN AS I HAVE HAD IT. WHEN I WAS A BOY I FOUND AN ALBINO FROG IN A CAVE - BLIND AND WHITER THAN SNOW AS IT HAD NEVER SEEN THE LIGHT OF DAY. I USE THIS LESSON TO ADMONISH MY GRANDSON TO 'GET A LIFE' IN THE LINGO OF THE YOUNGER FOLK.

HE IS NOT YET A LEGAL ADULT BUT HAS A FAILED MARRIAGE AND THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF A MAN EVEN AS HE IS STILL MUCH OF A CHILD. HE IS HOPELESSLY ATTACHED TO A WOMAN WHO SPURNS HIS AFFECTIONS AND SPENDS ALL HOURS WEEPING ABOUT THIS AND ALSO HIS PERSONAL APPEARANCE AND SOCIAL LIFE.

HE COMPLAINS OF GENERATION DIFFERENCES AND HOW WE OLDER FOLKS HAVE STOLEN THE WORLD FROM THE YOUNGSTERS. I WORKED MY WHOLE LIFE FOR ALL I HAVE AND WILL BE GODDAMNED TO SURRENDER IT OVER TO A YOUNG MAN WHO SITS ON HIS ASS ALL DAY ON THE INTERNET.

WALTER WILL NOT TELL YOU HOW HE HAS DEFRAUDED ME OF MONEY. I COME SHORT OF THE WORD 'STEAL' AS HE IS FAMILY AND I HAVE ALLOWED HIM UNDER THE AUSPICES OF THE LAW TO WORK OFF HIS OBLIGATIONS WITHOUT A FELONY RECORD. I WONDER IF IT IS THE RIGHT DECISION OR IF LETTING HIM STEW IN HIS OWN JUICE WOULD HAVE MATURED HIM BUT I HAVE DONE IT AND THAT IS THAT.

HE SAYS MY HOME PAGE SHOULD LIST HOBBIES. YOU ALREADY KNOW MY LIKES AND DISLIKES I SUPPOSE. BUT HERE ARE MY FEELINGS ON SPORTS:

I ONCE LIKED BASEBALL BUT NOW HATE IT. WITH AVERAGE SALARIES OF $1.2 MILLION THEY STRIKE AND CANCEL THE WORLD SERIES! I STRONGLY DISLIKE THE YANKEES. IT STARTED YEARS AGO - 1972 TO BE EXACT WHEN I MET A CERTAIN STAR WHO WILL GO UN-NAMED WHO REFUSED ME AN AUTOGRAPH. I SAY TO HIM TODAY WHAT I SAID TO HIM THEN: "KISS MY ASS MISTER COFFEE".

I DISLIKE REGGIE JACKSON WHO HELD HIS NOSE ONCE IN MY PRESENCE. I CANNOT HELP HOW I SMELL. THERE ARE ONLY 3 PLAYERS IN MY LIFE I EVER LIKED AND ALL FOR DIFFERENT REASONS: DARRYL STRAWBERRY, TY COBB, AND OIL CAN BOYD. ALL THE REST I STRONGLY DISLIKE THEIR GUTS.

PLEASE DO NOT WRITE ME BACK. I DO NOT NEED FAN MAIL TO SOOTHE A POOR SELF IMAGE OR WHATEVER THE HELL WALTER ALWAYS CRIES ABOUT. SEND ALL YOUR COMMENTS TO HIM. BESIDES I HAVE AN UNLISTED EMAIL ADDRESS.

FOR THOSE WHO WOULD OPPOSE OR INSULT ME I DO NOT GIVE A FLYING CRAP AND YOU KNOW THAT I CAN MAKE THEM FLY.


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