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Early March 1999 Update

Page 5 of 5

As you know I am not good at confrontattions and so I sent a nastygram to Chumly. A nastygram is a flaiming e-mail where you REALY TELL SOMONE OFF.

Gaddammit, the more I thoght about it the madder I got. 'Hot Cheeks' my ass.

I wrote the nasty note to him under his real name, not the alias, to let this jerk know that I AM ON TO HIM.

My hands were shakin as i wrote the note which said:

Hey Hot cheeks:

The reasen why your

cheaks are so hot is

cause your such a big


Your freind,

Walter Miller

Then i took a walk down the hall to where Chumley and his idiot office mate freinds sat. They saw me coming and they started giggling and then slammed the door. (I am kindof glad they slammed the door becuase as you know i dont like confrontatoins.)

"I sent you a danm note," I said and then walked back to my cube feeling a little more sattisfeid.

My new boss was standin there, (actually, my new Boss's Boss, because of the Re-Org the whole line of comand has been promotted agian. It is the extremly mean tall skinney guy who is allways angry and pissed and dresses all in black who looks exactley like the pointey-chinned cartoon man with the big round glasses you alwayes see in the margins of the "...For Dummies" book sereis.

I never saw him down by our cube area. Plus he was smiling and I never saw him smilling before. It was a realy creepy smile too. He had these extremly small teeth and these giant horselike gums. The way he was smiling, and becuase his teeth were so extremly small and short, and his gums so long and large, you coudnt even see his teeth at all, just his gums.

It was realy disgussting. He sort of looked like when Don Corleone put the orange peel in his moulth, over his teeth and smiled, just before he died in the garden while playin with his litle grandson, and all you coud see was the orenge. Exept insted of orange peel there was some serrious gum action going on.

In my Boss's Boss's hand was the printout of the note I just sent him. There was a small entourrage of butt kissers and assorted lackeys arround him.

"I just got your e-mail!," he said to me allmost cheerfuly.

As I stood there facing him, trembling, I felt somone tap me on the shouldor. I wheeled arround, and it was Chumley and his creepy freinds. Chumley whisperred to me, "Guess who I aliased my own e-mail to, five minutes ago?"

By this time my Boss's Boss "...For Dummies" guy was demmanding my atention and so I had to turn arround again.

"In my office: One hour," he snapped.

"I would address this situation now, only that I have an important phone interveiw with a major industry publication right now."

(Of cource he is a bragger because there is no reason to tell me that. Mentionning this "phone interveiw" was said clearley for the only reason of tryin to impress his assorted entourrage of butt kissers and lackeys.)

Did I mention that I was so nervuous about this i nearly (parden my french) shat my pants.

...wait a minite now, this woud be my oportunity. Yes, I coud feel somthin down there...I the words of Winnie the Poo I felt a little rumbly in my tumbly. Mabye as a result if I was lucky it woud be a real and not ficticious Poo. In my haste to get things rolling, like a jerk I ran down the hall and bolted into the unisex bathroom and chardged strait into the stall to plant my cheeks RIGHT ON the bowl withuot paperring it up.

The thuoght of what kindof germs I coud posibbly catch whizzed through my head and filled me with revulsion. I thoght about hopping up and puttin the papper on it now. But insted I swalowed hard and reallized not to disrupt things midstream.

And midstream it was.

Yes it was startin to come out, after so many days of being bound up and for a moment a wave of exhillerration went over me, a suddon injection of hope, of believing in life, and in myself. I woud survive. And then, just as quickley as it hapenned, it stopped. I mean, stopped in midstream. IT WAS STUCK.

OK, considor yourself warned - this is a little disgoussting

I looked down below, thruogh the little area betwean my legs ( know that little triangulor area formed when your on the bowl?) at...UGH! The lamb sausege!

The old basterd was right

Yes it was there and it apeared whole and entireley...I am ashammed to say it, undigested. In fact it not only looked exactley like the danm entree as it sat in my dish, it WAS the danm thing, unchewed, undiggested and still alone: And withuot garnish of any kind.

It just hung there. It didnt move. It didnt fall. I treind to shake it loose but it woudnt come off. I shook violentley too. The mean creepy "...For Dummies" guy, I coud hear his voice hollerin outside, yelling, "Where is that guy, with the funny hair and burnt ear? Whatever the hell his name is -- I think it starts with an 'M'."

I looked at my watch

Were you ever in a sittuation where you didnt know how much time passed. My legs were numb and i saw that i was sittin there for 66 minuttes. It woud not move: It woud not fall. It woud not shake loose. It looked exactley how it did there in the dish of that resturrant so many days ago. I swear to you, i am not makin this up" It was It.

Granfather's words that I woud "see it agian" were true. I blamed the evil basterd for it all. I geuss it is an undorstatement to say that this truly is an update that

Ends in a cliffhanger.

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